Do You Trust Me?
by Ladyamesindy
Summary: Shastaryn Tabris is on the run. Others will join her cause out of friendship, sympathy or duty. But will they trust her as their leader? Rated T for now.
1. Exile

_And so we begin with Shastaryn Tabris's origin story. I will admit that when I began working on fanfiction, I never pictured myself focusing so much on my city elf. I am a Cousland girl, all the way, but this one seemed to take me over with a desperation so strong that I actually dream about the chapters I am writing! How bad is that?!_

_I will try to avoid rehashing most of the canned verbiage from the game whenever possible, but in some instances, like the beginning, it was unavoidable. Additionally, I hope to be viewing the origin from the "behind the scenes" scenes if you will. _

_If you haven't read __**The Barkeep Diaries**__ or __**The Rules of the Game**__, I will try to alert you with the chapters where they fall into the story line (or you can just go and read them now … whatever your pleasure!)_

_There will be romance in here – you can't do the origin story properly without, right? At that point, I will raise the rating and give you a heads up, though I suspect you will see it coming! =)_

_Many, many, many thanks to all who have read the other pieces I have done! I appreciate your support and feedback like you wouldn't believe! This work, I think, may be a bit more difficult. Unlike __**The Barkeep Diaries**__, these chapters will be longer, have more to cover and it will be harder to tighten them up. I will try to keep them a reasonable length, but some of them will invariably become … long. =) _

_I believe I have some unique ideas to bring to this story and I hope that if nothing else it sparks some discussion. If these ideas seem waaaay out there, please let me know where I am off base and help to set me straight! I will state up front, my husband is former military, an avid player of DA:O and is my source to help with all things military. If you have any complaints there, take it up with him! =D (just kidding!)_

_Thanks to Bioware for such a wonderful game, characters, etc. I'm simply here to tell my tale as I see it (sound like anyone we know?)_

* * *

The day was bright, almost too much so, with a light breeze blowing just enough to nudge a strand of hair into position to tickle the nose or the cheek or the chin. Given the importance of the day, and the fact that she wished it wouldn't occur, it wasn't surprising that Shastaryn Tabris was looking for any way possible to get out of the events that were to take place. She'd been woken early by her cousin Shianni who announced that Nelaros, Shastaryn's betrothed, had arrived early enough so that both her wedding and her other cousin's, Soris's, would take place on the same day. Then, while on the way to meet with her intended for the first time, Shastaryn and both of her cousins had become involved with an incident involving the Arl of Denerim's son.

Shastaryn stared after the noblemen as they carried their fallen brother out of the Alienage. She knew without a doubt that they would retaliate, and she suspected it would be sooner rather than later. Sighing in resignation, she now followed after her cousin in silence. No sooner had they left the area, however, Soris muttered beneath his breath, "Don't look now, but we have another problem."

"Anything to put the wedding off for a while," Shastaryn returned irritably. That she did not want this marriage was a well known fact amongst her family. But given how the day was unfolding, going from bad to worse, she was beginning to suspect that it would end on the lowest note possible. _What now?_ she wondered.

Soris made no response to his cousin. Instead, he informed her while pointing further down the path, "Another human just walked in. Could be one of Valendrian's friends or just a random trouble maker. Either way, we need to move him along before someone does something stupid."

Sighing, Shastaryn nodded. She was very afraid that the "something stupid" would come from one of her people, or at least the blame would be placed there. "Right," she said. "Let's go talk to him."

Shaking his head, he asked, "Do you think that's wise?" Then he saw the look on his cousin's face. Sighing and knowing it would do absolutely no good to try to convince her otherwise, he said, "Let's do this quickly."

Quickly and quietly they walked over to the newcomer, Shastaryn leading the way once more. "Good day," the newcomer greeted Shastaryn as she approached. Like most humans, he was tall and she had to tilt her head back to look him in the eye. "I understand congratulations are in order for your impending wedding," he added.

Shastaryn eyed him carefully, taking in his dark looks and the fact that he was armed … and she was not. She thought quickly the best way to move the man along while at the same time avoiding trouble. "Thank you, ser, but I would ask you to please go. I'd rather avoid any unpleasantness," she explained quickly.

"What manner of unpleasantness might you be referring to?" he asked in curiosity, his head tilting to the side slightly with the question.

Shastaryn struggled within herself, and despite all of the stresses and strains of the day, she managed to remain diplomatic. Firmly but kindly, she told him, "The Alienage just isn't a good place for humans to be."

"I'm sorry," the man responded as he adjusted his stance, "but I have no intention of leaving."

Shastaryn sighed heavily in her mind, but remained calm outwardly. "Ser, I will ask once more, politely. Please leave."

"And I refuse, yet again. Now what?" She thought she could hear him mocking her in his tone, but she refused to rise to the bait. Too many times in the past, she had seen that reaction by her kinsmen lead to abuse … or worse.

Sensing Soris's jittery nerves, she replied again now rapidly searching for a solution if only to ease her cousin's mind. "Fine. Perhaps we can compromise then."

The man chuckled delightedly. "She keeps her composure even when facing an unknown and armed human. A true gift, wouldn't you say, Valendrian?" he asked, turning to his left.

The elven elder walked up to join them then. "I would say the world has far more use of those who know how to stay their blades. It is good to see you again, my old friend. It has been far too long," he greeted, shaking hands.

Shastaryn gasped as she realized the two men knew each other and, it seemed, well at that. "I-I'm sorry," she apologized. "I had no idea…."

The human smiled warmly at her. "I was hardly forthcoming, and for that I apologize," he told her sincerely.

Valendrian chuckled. "May I present Duncan, head of the Grey Wardens in Ferelden?"

Shastaryn nodded at Duncan. "Well met, Duncan."

Duncan smiled warmly in return. "And you, dear girl."

"But my question remains unanswered," Valendrian said. "Why are you here, Duncan?"

Shastaryn could see that the men were deepening their discussion and with a slight bow to acknowledge the men respectfully, she and Soris turned to dash off and prepare for their weddings.

* * *

Shastaryn encountered the elder and the Grey Warden as they entered the Alienage from Arl Urien's castle. "Uh oh," she heard Soris groan when he saw them. She murmured, "I will deal with them." She glanced down at the ill-fitting and now bloodied leather armor she had taken from one of the guards at the estate to replace the bloodied and torn wedding dress she had started the day in and sighed heavily. _As if this won't give them any idea of what happened …._

Approaching the men respectfully, Shastaryn greeted the elder. "You are all unharmed?" Valendrian asked worriedly as Duncan looked on in silence.

Her look saying one thing, and her words another, Shastaryn replied cautiously, "Shianni was … pushed around some, Elder. I was hoping to take her home to get some rest, have her wounds tended."

Valendrian nodded, gesturing towards the other rescued women. "Please take Shianni home, ladies." He gave a hard look at both Shastaryn and Soris. "You two, however, should remain. We have much to discuss."

Once the women were out of earshot, Valendrian spoke once more. "Now tell me what really happened."

Shastaryn explained in detail to the two men what had occurred inside the estate of the Arl of Denerim. "Vaughan is dead. I-I'm so sorry, Elder; there was no other choice to be made. It was either them or us."

Duncan spoke softly, but urgently. "Then the garrison could already be on their way. You have little time." Turning slightly towards Valendrian, he added, "I suspect the Maker has shown me the way after all."

Biting her lip in a gesture of nervousness that remained from her youth, Shastaryn muttered with a sideways glance at her cousin, "We may need to leave Denerim for a while, Elder."

Valendrian shook his head in consternation. "Ah that it has come to this …." he murmured.

Soris suddenly cried out in a panicked whisper, "The guards are here!" Shastaryn quickly moved so that she stood between her cousin and the men. She was not about to let her cousin be taken for assisting her in her escape.

Valendrian kept his voice low, saying, "Now don't panic. Let's just see what comes of this."

Shastaryn vaguely recognized the Captain who approached and spoke. She had seen him around before, never for a good reason. "I seek Valendrian," he announced.

Valendrian stepped forward and replied, "I am he."

Shastaryn remained silent during the conversation that followed between the two men… until she heard the Captain say, "You'll not prevent justice from being done. I need names and I need them now."

Shastaryn took a deep breath and made the decision without thinking. She knew what would happen if she did not speak up. It was better this way; the others – friends, family and the Alienage - would be safe. Stepping forward, she announced in a strong, sturdy voice, Stepping forward, she said softly, "It was my doing, Captain."

The Captain scoffed, "You expect me to believe one woman did all of that."

Valendrian suddenly seemed to stand taller, prouder. "We are not all helpless, Captain," he reminded the close minded man.

Shaking his head, the Captain called forward one of his men. "This one will wait in the dungeons." He saw Duncan step forward then. "What is it Grey Warden? I have little time today."

Duncan nodded. "I understand, Captain. However, I am afraid that I will have to overrule your decision. I hereby invoke the Grey Warden Right of Conscription, and I remove this woman into my custody."

Shastaryn was stunned and her breath caught in disbelief. "You - you can do that?" she asked before she could stop herself.

The Captain's curses were response enough for her. "Son of a tied down …." He sighed heavily and added, "I cannot challenge your right, Warden. Just … get this elf out of the city today."

Duncan nodded. "Agreed, Captain." He watched the soldiers turn and leave the Alienage before turning towards Shastaryn. "You're with me now. Go and say your good-byes and see me when you're ready. We leave immediately."

Shastaryn nodded, a bit taken aback by what had just happened in the space of only minutes. "I-I understand," she finally managed.

Duncan smiled gently at her, knowing they wouldn't have time for an in depth discussion until they were on the road. "Do not take long. I agreed to have you out of the city forthwith," he reminded her.

Feeling as if her world were spinning out of control, Shastaryn glanced up at Valendrian and Duncan. "I will back in a few moments," she told them before heading off towards her father's house.

* * *

Shastaryn found her father standing outside of their home as if waiting for her. "If this is what the maker has planned for you then I guess it is for the best," he told her simply. "I think your mother would have been pleased."

Shastaryn smiled at him. "I hope so, father," she replied, managing to swallow back her tears.

Cyrion hugged her. "Take care my girl. Be safe and wise and … well, you know. We'll all miss you."

Shastaryn kissed his cheek before turning to enter the home. "I will miss you all as well."

Inside the only home she had known throughout her eighteen years, Shastaryn found Shianni waiting for her. She approached carefully, making sure that Shianni was aware of her presence. Shianni looked up and stared at her cousin for a long moment in admiration. "You took all the responsibility for what happened," she breathed in bewilderment. "You're amazing you know that?"

Shastaryn simply shrugged. "I just did what had to be done, Shianni, to keep you and the others safe. Nothing more than that."

Shianni nodded in agreement, saying, "You always do. They'll write legends about you some day you know. When the world was at its worst, there you came – fire in your eyes, like something out of a storybook. I'll never forget that." Shianni couldn't stop the tears that began to fall. Sighing, she gave her cousin a hug and added, "I love you cousin. Make us proud out there."

Shastaryn simply nodded. Reaching out to touch her cousin's cheek in understanding, she replied softly, "I love you too, Shianni. I won't forget you!"

The cousins who could have passed for twins hugged. Shianni murmured, "Maker watch over you," as Shastaryn turned and left the house.

* * *

Shastaryn returned to Valendrian with a pack on her back containing her few belongings. He was waiting for her by Duncan's side. "Well, I guess Duncan got his recruit after all," he commented softly.

Shastaryn wasn't quite sure what he meant, but said, "I look forward to being a Grey Warden, Elder."

"You were the reason he came here, you know," Valendrian murmured. "Perhaps it is for the best. Well I have to go and tend to our people. Goodbye young one and may the Maker keep you."

Duncan glanced down at her as Valendrian walked away. "Are you ready to go?"

Shastaryn nodded once, firmly. "I am."

"Good. Then we leave for Ostagar immediately."

* * *

They had been on the road for four long days when Duncan stopped on a rise and pointed off in the distance. "Ostagar," he told her. "That is where we shall meet up with the other Grey Wardens, King Cailan and the army he has gathered there to fight the darkspawn."

"Why Ostagar?" Shastaryn asked, allowing her gaze to follow his gesture. She could see the ruins standing like skeletons with its flesh worn away.

"This is where King Cailan has decided we shall meet the darkspawn threat. He believes that we can eliminate the Blight before it begins," Duncan responded. He adjusted the pack he carried and glanced down at her.

Shastaryn caught the look. "You don't believe this to be the case?" she hazarded a guess.

Duncan's smile was warm but distant. "I believe that his Majesty may be oversimplifying things," he returned. "I have no doubt that this is a true Blight, but I do not think it can be defeated in one glorious battle as the king hopes."

Shastaryn nodded. Her mother had taught her only the basics of strategy, those used in small groups particular to her style of combat. She didn't know how that would be beneficial for a battle on this scale, but she hoped that she would be an asset to the coming battle rather than a liability.


	2. Friends In Need

_Has it only been a matter of days since I fled the Alienage and ended up a Grey Warden_? Shastaryn wondered as she and Alistair led a mage and a guard along through the Tower of Ishal. Upon reaching the second floor, she began reflecting upon the bizarre direction her life had taken over those days. _Rape, murder, exile_ … _Anger, pain, joining … freedom._ Shastaryn silently chanted these words inside her head as she sliced and cut her way around the genlocks, hurlocks and other darkspawn that appeared to challenge the Wardens' right to control the building. Surprisingly, she realized as the four of them prepared to climb the stairs to the fourth level of the building and light the signal fire, killing the darkspawn while silently ranting at life's little iniquities seemed to be helping her … maybe not quite healing her emotionally, but the battling of the enemy certainly helped her to forget her troubles.

Minutes later, Shastaryn hurriedly stepped back and watched in what seemed like slow motion as the huge monster finally went down to the floor. She saw Alistair gesture behind her. Turning, she saw the signal fire that was set up in the hearth. She spotted a torch nearby, and grabbed it, then tossed the flame in amongst the pile of wood and oil. Once she was sure the fire took, she turned back to Alistair. She had seen his grimace earlier during the battle, and now went to check on him. "Are you all right?" she asked. She saw he had set his shield and weapon aside so he could wrap a bandage around his arm. Seeing that he was having a bit of difficulty with it, she took the bandage, unwrapped what he had done, and re-wrapped the injury securely, making sure not to pull too tightly.

"Thanks," he told her, flexing his arm when she was done to be sure it would stay in place. "Now I think we should –"

The guard who had accompanied them shouted a cry of alarm cutting Alistair off mid-sentence. Shastaryn immediately went for her blades, recognizing the warning in the man's tone, and stepped between Alistair and the stairway where they now could see plenty of darkspawn ascending the staircase. Alistair rose behind her, adjusting his shield and sword. And then the arrows began to fly … at them.

* * *

Shastaryn felt a pressure building in her head, something akin to a sinus headache but not quite as painful, as she, Alistair and Morrigan walked along silently. She frowned, the feeling not expected and a bit unnerving since she was not sure what it indicated. _Did Flemeth heal everything?_ she wondered. _Could she have missed something?_ A moment later, she felt Alistair's hand upon her arm, as he had done during their battles in the Korcari Wilds. When she glanced over her shoulder at him, he asked, "Do you feel that?"

"The pressure?" she asked while pointing towards her forehead. At his nod, she replied, "Yes, I think so. What –?"

"Darkspawn," he told her, "and they are close. They seem to be heading this way." He saw Morrigan pull out her staff in preparation at his words. They might not get along well, but even she knew it would be foolish to ignore such a warning from a Grey Warden. He shifted to arm himself and saw that Shastaryn reached for her weapons while still evaluating the sensation she was feeling.

"It's always like this?" she asked quickly.

He nodded. "As long as I've been a Warden anyway," he added.

She nodded back at him. "Right. Good to know."

Suddenly, they all heard a loud bark from a distance. Turning her attention back in front of her, Shastaryn watched as a dark brown blur appeared headed in their direction at a fairly high rate of speed. There was something about the creature that looked vaguely familiar ….

With a grin of recognition, Shastaryn knelt and allowed the mabari to run up to her. She allowed him to sniff at her fingers, and he cocked his head to his left, giving her a look as if to say, "I think I remember you." Within moments, he licked her face, his indication of, "You're mine!" Shastaryn could only giggle in reaction, which seemed entirely out of place for their surroundings and current situation.

"He must have escaped Ostagar," Alistair explained. "He's probably been looking for you since then, having imprinted your scent when you met him."

Morrigan sniffed. "You mean we have to take that mangy animal with us?"

Shastaryn smiled, ignoring Morrigan for the moment and laughing silently when she heard Alistair reply, "He's not mangy!"

"Rafion …," she whispered near his ear, leaning close to the dog so only he could hear her while she petted him and scratched him behind the ears.

Rafion pulled back a step and barked excitedly, jumping around in circles. Rising to her feet, Shastaryn nodded. "Rafion it is, boy," she announced. She glanced at Alistair and saw him nod. Rafion himself gave a happy bark and jumped once more. Morrigan simply sniffed and looked the other way.

Seconds later, Rafion began growling loudly, turning and charging in front of Shastaryn in the direction he had come. It was then that she saw them: genlocks, hurlocks and an emissary. "Right. Alistair, you take the emissary, Morrigan the archers if you please," she instructed as she charged headlong after the mabari into the battle.

The skirmish didn't take long at all, particularly with Rafion's help. After the fighting was over and done, Shastaryn examined the animal to be sure he was uninjured. "Everyone else ok?" she asked. With their affirmative responses, she rose to her feet once more. "Right. Let's go."

* * *

They traveled a bit further that afternoon and finally camped when Morrigan advised that Lothering was within an hour's walk. Like she had the previous night, Morrigan set her camp apart from the Wardens, determined to maintain her distance both physically and emotionally. The witch even chose to eat separately from them that evening, though in the end Shastaryn hadn't minded one bit. She discovered she had far more important things to concern herself with that evening that the anti-social _femme fatale_.

Later that evening, Rafion was pacing around the perimeter, "keeping watch" Shastaryn suspected. Seated as they were near the fire, Shastaryn wasn't sure if it was the warmth of the fire or Alistair's body next to hers that she felt more. Not that it really mattered. Right now, her concern was focused completely on Alistair. She sensed his despair, could see it openly whenever they had downtime, such as in camp. As they talked, Shastaryn found herself staring intently into the flames. "My mother was a serving wench at Redcliffe Castle," Alistair was saying, his voice devoid of any emotion at the moment. He too, seemed entranced by the popping and crackling in front of them. "She died when I was young, an infant really, and I was raised by Arl Eamon."

"I'm sorry," Shastaryn murmured. It didn't seem fair to her that he should have had to grow up parentless while she had had both of her parents, at least for a time.

Alistair shrugged. "It wasn't so bad," he admitted. "At least not at first. Things became … difficult after Arl Eamon married. Then the Arlessa made life very difficult for me." He sighed heavily. "I'm sure I didn't make it any easier, either," he admitted after a brief silence. Then, he continued, "Finally, when I was ten, they sent me off to the Chantry to become a templar. That's where Duncan … found me … six months ago."

Alistair's voice trailed off, and Shastaryn found the opportunity she had been hoping for. "Would you like to talk, about Duncan that is?" she asked gently.

Alistair shook his head, his gaze still locked on the blaze. "You don't have to do that," he told her. "I know you didn't know him very well."

Shastaryn reached out, touching his arm lightly. "He was like a father to you. I understand, Alistair."

Alistair began to speak, but broke off before he actually said anything. After a moment longer he finally managed, "I-I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't –."

"You don't need to apologize, Alistair," she assured him.

"I just wish I could have been with him … I keep thinking that there was something perhaps I could have done…." He sighed. "I hate the thought of him dying there … all alone. He had no one …."

Shastaryn grasped his arm and applied pressure to it until he looked at her. "Alistair, he had you!" she told him.

They sat for a time, each to their own thoughts. When the fire began to burn down, Shastaryn moved away from Alistair to add more wood and build the blaze back up again. Once she was satisfied with it, she sat back down next to him.

It was some time later when Alistair enquired. "Have you ever lost anyone you were close to?"

Shastaryn was ready to shrug her shoulders and brush off the question, but instead found herself replying, "I saw plenty of death in the Alienage." She took a moment to gather herself before continuing. "That being the case, most families there have been touched in one way or another. In my case, when I was fourteen, my mother was … attacked and murdered by the Denerim city guards who had come to the Alienage …." Shastaryn breathed deeply through her nose in an effort to maintain her composure. She was surprised how her mother's death could still affect her so many years later.

Alistair said nothing, but he did steal occasional glances at her. For the most part, though, he simply sat quietly, at a loss as to what to say, but also respecting her silence. Not having had a mother while growing up, he couldn't relate to Shastaryn's situation.

After a few moments, Shastaryn turned her head slightly. She managed a half-hearted, yet gentle smile, implying no blame, no accusation. "The Alienage is a harsh often violent place to live," she told him softly, truthfully. "Death occurs quite frequently and oft times unsuspectingly."

Sighing as she let memories wash over her, Shastaryn continued, "My mother's name was Adaia. She was a wonderful and loving wife and mother who had been trained in martial arts style of a rogue. She was also not one to hide her feelings or opinions from others."

Alistair turned and glanced into Shastaryn's gaze. Taking a chance, he murmured, "I see that you take after her quite a bit." He recalled her actions during their battle up the Tower of Ishal. He didn't think she knew she had spoken aloud, but he had heard her reciting her litany, watched as she seemed to gain some measure of strength … and healing from it.

Shastaryn searched his eyes for a moment and, seeing no malice behind his words she smiled at him. She actually began chuckling softly at his comment. "That is certainly true as far as my training goes. From the time I was small, she trained me in the same methods she had learned," she agreed. "We also resembled each other in our looks. Green eyes, red hair and fair skin…. We were sometimes mistaken for sisters by those who did not know us well."

Alistair smiled at that. "No 'red hair, hot temper?'" he queried. He saw her eyes widen and he smiled gently, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Just kidding! Please don't hit me, I bruise easily!"

Shastaryn could not resist his gentle, teasing nature. Laughing softly, she replied, "Yes, the red hair … and perhaps a … bit… of the temper … upon occasion … if properly provoked…."

His smile widened even further with her reluctant admissions. "Good to know," he told her with a slight wink. "You know, I think I would have liked to have met your mother," he finally told her honestly.

Shastaryn simply smiled over at him saying nothing, but thinking to herself, _I think she might have liked you as well._

Finally, as the fire began dying down yet again, Alistair returned to their original conversation. "I think after this is all over, once we've stopped the Blight and all that, perhaps I will go to Highever, find some way to build a memorial to Duncan."

Shastaryn smiled. "Is that where he was from?" She knew there was an Alienage in Highever, but she had never been there. Beyond that, she didn't know much about the place.

"I think so."

Shastaryn nodded in acknowledgement. "Maybe I will go with you," she said softly. "To Highever."

Alistair smiled warmly, and for the first time since Ostagar, Shastaryn thought she saw the grief if not beginning to fade, at least finding its place. He turned back to her and told her sincerely, "I think he'd like that. I know that I would."

Rising to his feet, he stretched, and said, "Right then. I'll take first watch. You go ahead and rest and I'll wake you when it's your turn." He watched her nod. "Personally," he added beneath his breath, "I don't know if we can trust the witch to stay awake for a shift, so we'll have to split it between us, if that's all right with you."

Shastaryn laughed softly and was about to reply when they heard a sharp but relatively quiet voice cross the camp, "I heard that, fool Templar! Would you prefer to take your watch as a toad perhaps?"

Alistair gave an exaggerated sigh but winked at his fellow Warden. "Right. Well, perhaps we shall wait and see then. G'night."

Shastaryn watched as he sauntered off to his bedroll to gather his sword and shield, seemingly in a bit better mood than when the evening began. She had reason to hope that things would begin to improve for them from here on out, but knew that he would still need to heal.


	3. Lothering

_This particular chapter contains blatant suggestions of rape that are slightly more obvious than in the actual game [city elf origin with Shianni] but are not graphic in description. Please be warned. If you do not wish to read it, I understand._

* * *

Upon their arrival in Lothering, and evaluation of the situation in that town, Shastaryn had determined that they would need to earn some money before they could purchase the supplies they needed to continue their journey. They visited the Chantry Board and found several opportunities there, and then, despite Morrigan's snarky comments, they spent the better part of the afternoon chasing down bandits and the like who were pestering the outer edges of the village. Bloodied, exhausted and hungry, they returned victorious. It was in this frame of mind that Shastaryn realized later, that she made one of the worst decisions in her life.

Upon their return, Shastaryn sent Morrigan out with Rafion as her guard to locate herbs that Elder Miram, whom they had met on their way out of town to deal with the bandits, required for poultices for the multitudinous refugees flooding into the town. Next, Shastaryn requested Alistair to return to the Chantry with their responses to the Chantry Board posting and to check if there were any other opportunities available. As for herself, Shastaryn concluded a private transaction with a local woman named Allison whom she had met earlier and who had asked for some simple traps with which to protect her property from the darkspawn.

Alistair had just completed a conversation with an old acquaintance he'd run into in the Chantry after speaking with Ser Bryant and was about to exit the building when he felt a sudden, sharp, intense wave of panic wash over and through him. The feeling was so strong he had to forcibly keep himself from reaching for his weapon as he pushed his way through the heavy doors. Once outside, he began scanning the surrounding groups of refugees, trying to locate the source of the sensation. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, he departed the Chantry's yard and began walking in the direction of the nearby tavern, _Dane's Refuge_, where he and Shastaryn had agreed to meet before venturing out to assist Morrigan. Despite the incident earlier in the day, the bartender there had offered them a place to stay if they wanted, or at the very least a halfway decent meal.

Alistair stepped off the stone bridge separating the Chantry side with the tavern side of Lothering when a glint in the grass to his left caught his eye. He paused for a moment and retrieved the item … gasping in recognition as he rose to his feet. It was the pendant, _Warden's Oath _that he had given to Shastaryn after she had successfully passed her Joining. He knew she had taken to wearing it, had seen her place it around her neck at the time, and he now realized that something was terribly, terribly wrong if it she was not wearing it.

Shastaryn tried to struggle, but she was bound too well. She tried to cry out, to call for assistance or at least alert anyone nearby to her plight, but could not remove the gag from her mouth. She glanced around at her surroundings. These men were smart … they had pulled her behind some buildings on the far edge of town, away from onlookers, out of sight of any passers-by. She found herself facing three assailants. By the look of the two men directly in front of her, Shastaryn suspected they had been a part of the earlier incident at the tavern when some of Loghain's men had tried to take her and Alistair into "custody" for being Grey Wardens. Even though she and her companions had dispatched the group with relative ease, and sent their leader back to Loghain with the message that the Grey Wardens were on to him, these men appeared to have decided to mete out their own form of justice in retaliation.

Shastaryn knew that to struggle could result ultimately in her death. But, she also knew that she had to do something. To simply not fight back was inconceivable to her. She was her mother's daughter: she would always fight back when injustices occurred whether to herself or to others. She also knew from Shianni's experience and from other women in the Alienage what would happen. _How could I have been so stupid?_ she berated herself.

The moment he'd found her amulet, Alistair knew that the panic he felt was coming directly from Shastaryn. How this was happening, he did not know, but it was all he had to go on. He took a very brief moment, as he began searching for her, to run through some of his Templar meditations in an effort to send her some sort of indication to her that he was here, looking for her. If he could feel her thoughts, perhaps she could feel his. _Calm_, he thought. _Calm and peace. Breathe. … Shasta, where are you?_

Shastaryn felt a calming sensation pass through her in contrast to her current predicament. Green eyes that were closed in frustration now popped open. Any sounds she had made in reaction were muted by the gag, so she had no fear that her captors were aware. However, as she watched the one man draw near to her, begin working at her buckles and removing first her armor and then his own, pulling out a wicked looking dagger, she had to wonder just how she was supposed to remain calm given the circumstances ….

Shastaryn closed her eyes and turned her head to the side as the brute began touching her roughly, hurting her in a variety of ways, not the least of which was emotionally. _Shasta, where are you?_ Shastaryn gasped again. Who had said that? Her eyes opened once more and began darting around quickly but she saw no one other than the three men intent upon violating her. _Alistair?_

Alistair felt rising panic, restrained anguish. _Shasta, where are you?_ he tried again. This time he was rewarded with a brief flash … and realized that it was the entrance to the alleyway up ahead of him. He immediately pulled out his sword and shield and turned the corner … then doubled over before he could move any further at the sudden, sharp jolt of pain … and an intense fury like none he had ever felt before ….

Able to move again, Alistair glanced around the corner of the building for the briefest of moments in order to survey the situation. In that short time, he saw all he needed to see, and far more than was actually necessary. Without a second thought, Alistair roared out a battle cry, charged around the corner and launched his attack.

Shastaryn felt herself thrown roughly aside by the man who held her, and without use of hands still bound behind her, she was unable to break her fall. When her head hit the hard ground, she saw stars for a few moments. By the time she was able to bring her surroundings back into focus, she could no longer hear the sounds of battle.

Alistair set his weapons aside and knelt beside Shastaryn. He pulled a knife from his waist to cut her bonds and the gag, then gently rolled her towards him. "Shasta?" he whispered, half afraid he was too late. "Talk to me, Shasta! Are you all right?"

It was all Shastaryn could do not to cry out at his touch. Physically, she ached all over. Emotionally, she was afraid she was about to come apart at the seams. First she had failed to protect Shianni, now she had failed to protect herself. _What kind of a fighter am I?_ she thought. _I cannot even protect anyone, least of all myself! _Slowly she glanced up at her fellow Warden, knowing full well she could not hide her fear. She simply prayed that he would understand it wasn't aimed at him directly.

Alistair sighed in relief that she was alive, but groaned in anger and pain at the wary look now settling into her eyes. Assisting her to a sitting position, he reached for his pack to pull out injury kits, healing potions and bandages. "Shasta, I'm so sorry!" he muttered, handing her one of the healing potions and making sure she drank it all. "I-I came as quickly as I could ...," he sighed, his frustration and anger with himself evident as he fumbled with the items.

Despite her experience, the shame and humiliation now plaguing her, Shastaryn reached out and caught Alistair's arm in her hand. "Alistair, stop," she murmured softly. When he did so, she squeezed his arm just enough to convince him to look at her. "This was my mistake," she told him, wincing slightly as he continued first aid. She then released him and added, "I'm not even sure how you managed to find me so quickly …."

"I heard you," he told her as he worked. "Well, sort of." He relinquished the items she wanted and allowed her to take over the job of cleaning and bandaging her injuries. Sitting back from her, he continued, "I don't know how else to describe it. One moment I was leaving the Chantry, and the next I felt this sudden, powerful, overwhelming sense of panic. I began looking around, to see if something was amiss that I was not aware of, but I found nothing…. Until I crossed the bridge and found this." He handed her the _Warden's Oath._

Shastaryn's hand automatically lifted to her neck to find the chain missing. "I didn't know it was gone," she told him softly. She examined the pendant now and realized that the chain had been broken. Either one of the men had yanked it from her, or it had been broken during their scuffle. Either way, it could not be worn as it was.

"I can fix that for you," he reassured her when he noticed her crestfallen look. He watched her nod. Glancing around, Alistair found her armor, some of her clothing, and pack all tossed over by the far wall. He retrieved the items for her. Helping Shastaryn to her feet, he told her, "We should get you to the Chantry. They can make sure all of your wounds have been treated, perhaps provide you with some clothing …."

Shastaryn glanced down at her partially clothed body. She looked up at him and noticed that a slight blush had begun creeping up his neck now that the worst of the danger had passed. "May I use your cloak?" she asked quietly.

Without hesitation, Alistair pulled it out of his pack and settled it around her shoulders. Waiting for her to signal she was ready, he slid his free arm around her waist. "Ready?" She nodded. "Let's go then."

* * *

Shastaryn was seated on the bed with the Chantry sister they had met earlier in the day bandaging her leg. Gesturing towards the doorway, she said, "Go, Alistair. I will join you as soon as Sister Leliana has finished helping me with these bandages. We'll be done soon."

Alistair frowned. "Are you sure?"

Shastaryn, despite her pain and discomfort, smiled warmly at him, _for_ him. "I promise. Now go, or Morrigan will be thinking something has happened to the both of us and come searching. Then we will have a lot more explaining to do!" She watched as he sighed in resignation and finally left the room.

After his exit, Shastaryn lay back on the bed while Leliana was adjusting a bandage on her lower leg. After a few minutes of silence, the sister asked, "May I ask if you have reconsidered my earlier request?"

Shastaryn sighed heavily this time. She was too tired to ward off Leliana's pleas for a second time that day. Giving in and knowing that she would probably catch hell for it later from the others, she nodded in agreement. "After what happened to me today, Leliana, I probably could use the extra set of eyes," she muttered, glancing away. She could feel herself wanting to slide into self-pity, depression, but she fought back against it.

Leliana frowned in concern. "You have not said much about what occurred, nor do I wish you to think I am prying into your own private affairs,..."

Shastaryn paused for a moment and glanced over at the woman. Sighing again, she replied, "You know that Alistair and I are Grey Wardens and that the men we faced at _Dane's Refuge _when we first met you were sent by Teryn Loghain?"

Leliana nodded, her red hair bouncing around her face slightly at the motion.

Shastaryn sat up then and took a brief moment to stretch her limbs, checking for other injuries, before she slowly rose to her feet. Glancing up at Leliana, for the Orlesian was a good foot taller than she, Shastaryn replied, "I ran into a few of the remaining soldiers from that confrontation as I walked through Lothering this afternoon. They apparently took exception to our having defeated them earlier." She reached for her pack and weapons, sheathing the weapons and adjusting the pack on her shoulder. "They managed to abduct me and … rape me … just before Alistair found me."

Leliana gasped. "Oh, you poor thing!" she breathed before she could help herself. "Are you … Is there … What can I do to help?" she finally stammered out.

Shastaryn managed a small smile for Leliana's benefit. "As for that, I think …," she sighed heavily. "I simply need … time." She couldn't hold back a shudder at the memory that flashed by. Shaking her head as if to remove the thought, she added, "Right now, I need to meet up with my other companions. But, before we leave here, I wondered what could be done about that man who is being held in the cage on the edge of town …?"

Leliana nodded, respecting Shastaryn's wishes to not discuss her attack. "The Qunari? We could speak with the Revered Mother, I would think; see if she might release him to your custody?" Leliana recommended. She opened the door and led the way out of the room. Walking beside Shastaryn, she explained the circumstances of the Qunari's captivity. "Perhaps she would release him to a Grey Warden … allow him to fight as … atonement for his actions."

* * *

That night in camp, Shastaryn remained a long time by the fire. She had watched her companions, including the two newcomers, as they set up camp. They had all sat at the fire together for their meal, but no one had talked much. She certainly hoped that would be changing soon. Although, she would be the first to admit that after the day she had today, talking was the last thing on her mind.

Shastaryn sensed Alistair's approach and was not surprised when he took a seat next to her. "So," he asked quietly, "where do you think we should head first?" During their walk from Lothering, he had, as a way to distract her from the day's events, explained what he had found out at the Chantry from Ser Donall and Ser Bryant.

Shastaryn remained silent for a few moments, collecting her thoughts. Finally, she turned slightly, glancing up at him and replied, "I originally thought we should go to Redcliffe first, like you suggested. I still believe we should go there relatively soon. But, after what happened today, I am wondering if perhaps it might not be better for us to travel to the Circle of Magi first. Maybe we can not only enlist their aid against the Blight, but convince a healing mage to come along with us?" She gestured around the camp. "If we keep increasing in size, as we are sure to do, we will need a skilled healer with us. We have been lucky so far."

Alistair nodded absently at her comments. "As much as I hate to admit it, I think you might be right on that count." He turned and sat silently for a time, staring into the fire.

Shastaryn sensed that he wanted to talk to her, most likely about how she was faring after her attack, but was unsure of how to proceed, or even if he should. She had to admit, if only to herself, that this human was … unique. He cared more than most about her, about their companions, about the innocent bystanders they passed frequently during their travels. It was at his insistence they had taken on the Chantry Board quests, not only as a way to make some coin so that they could purchase supplies, but also because it was the right thing to do. She had seen his reaction to her assisting the elven family in Lothering and the little boy looking for his mother, and found nothing but support there. Alistair was different from most human men she had met in her twenty years and she discovered that she was rather pleased by that.

Reaching out, she touched his arm lightly to get his attention. She smiled slightly when he jumped, obviously so deep in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed when she moved. "Alistair, is something wrong?" she asked.

Taking a deep breath, he turned to face her. He still saw signs of the abuse she had faced that day in the marks on her arms and face where she had been bound, though they were fading, and he had no doubt that she would be experiencing nightmares of one kind or another for some time to come. "No," he told her. "I … Please don't think of me as intrusive, or insensitive," he pleaded, "but I wanted to ask you … how you were." He couldn't hide the blush that crept up his neck. "I'm sorry I didn't reach you sooner. I-"

Shastaryn didn't know she could move so quickly after the day's events until she scrambled to her knees beside him, leaning forward so that she could speak clearly but privately to him. Alistair saw the fierceness in her eyes and wondered momentarily if he had just erred in some horrible way….

Shastaryn's voice was low, harsh, and barely above a whisper. "Do not apologize for what you did! You came as soon as you could and you saved me from certain death …. You managed to do what was needed when it was needed…." Shastaryn felt her energy quickly depleting as her body began to sink to the ground.

Alistair reached out and caught her, lifting her next to him on the log that was their bench. "Shasta?"

She shook her head. "Just tired," she murmured, leaning into his shoulder for a brief moment, allowing him to hold her, comfort her, friend to friend, Warden to Warden. Sighing again, she added, "Alistair, you came for me when I thought no one would. That is not something to apologize for. I am still not quite sure how you managed it, truth be told."

She finally managed to look up at him. "I've told you a little about life in the Alienage," she whispered. "Rape is something that all of us women feared or faced on a daily basis. It was a way of life …. I will find a way to … go on, like all of the others before me. It just may take some time, … but I will do my duty, get the job done."

Alistair noticed a single tear trailing down her cheek and reached out to catch it with his thumb. "Shasta –"

She shook her head. "No, please." She took a deep breath and tried to sit up, but found she needed his assistance. "I'm so tired," she breathed.

Alistair stood, lifting her securely in his arms. He carried her to her tent that he had set up for her earlier and stepped inside with her. Placing her on her bedroll, he waited until she was comfortable. Smiling at her, he told her, "Rest tonight, Shastaryn. The rest of us will cover the watch." He was thankful to see her nod in acquiescence … just before her eyes closed and her breathing deepened. Quietly, he rose and walked outside the tent to begin his turn at the watch.


	4. Do You Trust Me?

_ This is an idea based off of an activity we did in years and years ago when I was in high school at a music retreat I attended. Our show choir went on the retreat for a few days to, other than practice music, build up our relationships with each other. I know this to be a popular technique in other "trust building" situations as well._

_ I had originally meant for this to go before my previous chapter, but the more I thought about it and worked on it, I think it works all right here. The time frame is between Lothering and the Tower. As for the timing on the following chapters, I think I now have a rough timeline to get them all ordered right to coincide with the other stories and they should (hopefully!) come out on a regular basis!_

_ Shoutouts to Miri1984 and her __**Obscure Heroes**__ – a great background story for Alistair! Also to Willowstead's __**Duty's Journey**__, Urban Scrawl's __**Outgrown**__ and Italian Empress 1985's __**Fate and Forbearance**__! All are wonderful reads! Thanks also to Erynnar and Piceron whose messages not only help me sort things out in my overcrowded head, but make me smile and laugh while doing so! Thanks for all of the reviews, adding to favorites, alerts, etc. I'm glad everyone is enjoying the story!_

_ As always, Bioware got to it first – it's all theirs except the PC and the dog's name…._

* * *

Shastaryn simply laid out her bedroll when they made camp that night, not wanting to go to the effort of putting up a tent. She noticed that Alistair felt the same, and she had to wonder if, by some odd chance, it was another of those Grey Warden things … like the never-ending appetite. Leliana and Sten didn't seem to care either way, though Shastaryn noticed Sten glancing at the skies a short time before deciding to go with a tent. _What does he know, I wonder …._ Morrigan, as usual, decided to create her campsite apart from them which suited Shastaryn fine for the moment as she had other things to worry about than the haughty anti-social Wilder woman.

Turning towards Alistair, she suggested, "Why don't we head down to the river. We can catch dinner, wash up and refill the water bags." She wasn't surprised when Alistair remained silent, he had been that way on and off since they left Flemeth's hut. Though they had talked about Duncan, and Shastaryn felt that some of Alistair's grief had been assuaged at the time, the incident the other day in Lothering seemed to have brought it back.

However, Alistair did nod in agreement and moved to grab his gear while she alerted Leliana before setting off. When Rafion would have followed, she shook her head. "No, Rafi," she murmured, scratching him behind the ears. "Not this time. I need you to stay in the camp until we get back, ok?" The dog whined softly, but turned and retreated towards the bedrolls. Shastaryn decided the animal would need a little TLC later to make up for his exclusion.

Once they reached the river, Shastaryn shed her armor until she remained only in her under tunic and leggings. She knelt down by the edge of the water and began cleaning off her leathers, grumbling softly at the sticky nature of darkspawn blood. Glancing over her shoulder, she watched as Alistair did the same. It took some time, but finally they managed to get the worst of it off so that, should they reach the Tower on the morrow, they would be presentable, or at least not scare most people they came into contact with away.

Still working in a companionable silence, Shastaryn took over the filling of the water bags while Alistair grabbed the fishing gear. When she was finished, Shastaryn moved over near where Alistair had made himself a seat on a larger rock, and she sat near him. She wished there were more she could do for him. Their discussions regarding Duncan seemed to have helped him some, and though believed she reassured him regarding her experiences in Lothering, she was beginning to wonder if she had only made things worse.

Leaning back on the rock as Alistair fished, Shastaryn found herself staring up at the trees, the birds and the clouds in the sky. The day was on the wane, though they were still several hours from sunset. Shastaryn closed her eyes and took a brief moment to enjoy the final warmth of the sun as it shone upon her face… until she felt a drop of liquid land upon her forehead. Frowning, she reached up lazily with her arm and wiped the moisture away thinking it was from Alistair's efforts to catch dinner. Another moment and it happened again, this time landing on her left cheek. She opened her eyes this time, saw no clouds from which rain could possibly be falling, and sat up in consternation.

Alistair sat facing the river, looking for all intents and purposes as if nothing had occurred. He suddenly jerked the pole, catching yet another fish, bringing his total to six so far. Baiting his hook yet again, he tossed the line back into the water. At that point, he noticed that Shastaryn had moved to a reclining position once more. With barely a glance over his shoulders, he saw that she again had her eyes closed. Ever so slowly, inch by tiny inch, he leaned forward, dipped his fingers into the water and returned to his position on the rock. Then with another surreptitious look over his shoulder, he reached over slightly and flicked the moisture at Shastaryn once more.

Shastaryn knew the moment that she caught his wrist in her right hand that she had surprised him. She opened her eyes, green gaze catching his amber one … and she suddenly began to laugh. Alistair, a bit confused at first, soon joined in. With a slight smile, he offered her his arm to use in pulling herself up into a seated position.

"Should I ask why I suddenly became a target of a Chantry shower?" she teased.

"A Chantry shower …?" he echoed. Alistair chuckled and his smile widened. "I thought a bit of silliness might help," he replied quietly. "I know I've been –"

Shastaryn reached over and touched his shoulder, squeezing it gently in support. "No, Alistair," she told him. "No apologies or excuses. I know you've been through a lot recently. We both have. Healing takes time, trust me."

"You know," he replied amazement in his voice, "I think I have been healing ever since I met you."

Shastaryn's eyebrow rose at that. "Really?" she queried. She wondered how much he really believed that. _Well, there is only one way to find out._ Rising to her feet, she walked away from the rocks to a grassier area not too far away. "Care to test that, my friend?" she challenged.

Alistair frowned as he removed yet another fish from the hook. He quickly baited the hook once more, tossed the line back in and found a crevice in which to brace his fishing pole as he joined her. _What is she up to?_ he wondered.

Shastaryn waited until he arrived by her side before she began to explain. "My mother, Adaia," she saw him nod remembering their previous discussion, "when she began training me in her style of combat told me that the number one most important skill in being an effective part of a team is trust."

Alistair nodded again. "That makes sense," he replied. "If you don't have trust between warriors, battles can be lost by a mere hesitation or missed opportunity … or by reacting too early or not anticipating another's movements…."

Shastaryn nodded. "What I am about to show you was one of the ways that my mother used to test me on the level of trust that I had in a person."

At first, Alistair wasn't sure what she meant. He watched as she took a few steps, turned her back towards him, straightened her position … and began falling backwards. Alistair hurried forward and caught her beneath her arms before she could hit the ground. Pulling her up to his side, he exclaimed a bit angrily, "What are you trying to do, knock yourself out? Break your back? Your neck?"

Still within his arms, Shastaryn looked up at him and shook her head simply replying, "I have complete trust in you, Alistair. I knew you wouldn't let me fall." She watched him swallow hard; absorbing what she just told him. She could almost see his thoughts spinning in his head as he grasped the enormity of what she. She saw the moment that he understood – and, for her at least, it was like seeing the sun come out from behind the clouds on an overcast day: The difference was dazzling.

Alistair stared down into her eyes for a moment. "You – you don't want me to do that, do you?" he asked hesitantly.

"Do you trust me?" was her simple response as she stood up and stepped away from him.

"Well, yes, but …."

"But what? Alistair, it's this simple: either you trust me or you don't. With something like this, there is no in-between."

Alistair shook his head. "No, I know that … I mean, well…." He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. "It isn't that I don't trust you, Shasta," he saw her eyes light up at his use of a shortened version of her name and filed that away to think about at a later date, "I just … well, don't you think I'd be too heavy for you to catch? I don't want to hurt you or anything."

Shastaryn's eyebrow rose, but she simply repeated her question. "Do you trust me?"

Alistair took a deep breath and let it out in a rush before he turned and stepped away from her. He thought about how she had done it: straightened his body and began falling backwards from his feet rather than his waist and ….

Though as an elf she was small in comparison to his large frame, Shastaryn caught him easily, supporting his back with her shoulders, bracing her legs, taking his full weight upon herself with no trouble at all. After a moment, she felt him begin to stand, and she released him, allowing him to turn and face her before speaking. "How do you feel?" she asked examining his face, looking for a breakthrough. Sometimes it came quickly, sometimes not. With him she would not know until ….

Alistair took a moment to think about it. "I-I don't quite know how to … explain it …."

She smiled at him. She could see the beginning of what she was looking for deep in those liquid amber eyes. It might take some time to truly develop, but the seed was there and it was taking root, she simply needed to feed it, nurture it and make it grow. "Trust is a wonderful thing, Alistair, and any type of relationship – between family or friends, between lovers, even between comrades in arms – benefits from it." She reached up and touched his cheek with her hand. "I trust you. Since I met you, it has been that simple between us. And," he added quickly, "it always will be."

Shastaryn began to straighten her tunic and leggings and suggested, "Now go get that fish that has been wiggling there for the past few minutes and we'll go back to camp and fix dinner for everyone."

Alistair glanced over at the line and saw that there was indeed another catch. Laughing, he did as she suggested and soon found himself following her trail back to camp.


	5. Dream a Little Dream

_ Sorry this has taken longer than I planned … This year I am suffering through tree/grass allergies for the first time in my 42 years, and now have some kind of head allergy/cold/sinus thing … knocking me out for the count! Unfortunately, it makes me so miserable I can barely read fanfic, let alone write it! So, that said, if this chapter is less than stellar, you now know why! This is one that is a bit harder for me anyway because when I started writing my character's story months ago I never hit the major parts because they were pretty well established from the game._

_ Shout out to Miri1984 and her __**Obscure Heroes**__ which she just completed – a marvelous interpretation of Alistair's early years and she has told me [much to my delight at any rate] Yuri's story will be coming soon! YEA!!!!! Also check out her new one __**Caged**__ that just posted!_

_**A/N:**__ I make a reference below to gestures that Shastaryn uses for communication. I have always been fascinated by sign language of any kind, and for a few years worked with a woman who was deaf and learned a bit from her. For all references in my stories where I describe in detail what a sign looks like, I will use the description of an ASL (American Sign Language) sign since that is what I have learned. If you have any questions on this let me know._

_ As usual, Bioware owns it all. I just get to mess around with it a little bit! =D_

* * *

Shastaryn was silent on the return trip to the mainland from the Tower. They now had their healing mage, the woman named Wynne who had been at Ostagar and who Shastaryn and Alistair had spoken with before. In addition, Shastaryn and her companions had helped the mages and secured their assistance in fighting the Blight by defeating Uldred and ridding the Tower of the abominations he had created. All in all, mission accomplished.

_So why do I feel so … uneasy?_ Shastaryn thought as the Templar … Carroll, wasn't it? … slowly rowed them back across Lake Calenhad. She hoped that Morrigan, Sten and Rafion had camp established upon their arrival.

She was thinking ahead and contemplating their next destination when Carroll pulled the boat up to the dock. As she stepped up onto the dock, thanks to a hand from Carroll, she could hear Alistair and Wynne chatting away behind her. From the bit of conversation she caught, it seemed as if they were discussing something about Ostagar, and Shastaryn wondered if she should be concerned. She was about to join the conversation when she heard Wynne tell him in a gentle voice, "My boy, you have done exactly as Duncan and King Cailan wanted you to do: you survived."

Shastaryn didn't hear the words Alistair said in return, but she heard the emotion behind it. Sighing heavily in concern, she wondered if she was going to need to talk with him again.

Once on shore, she led the others in the direction that she and Sten had decided upon for camp. For some reason, the giant had been reluctant to stay so near Lake Calenhad and had suggested a site further inland. With no argument available to sway him, Shastaryn had agreed. She was learning to choose her battles carefully these days.

It took a while, but the two groups were finally reunited and Shastaryn found to her delight that not only the camp had been established, but dinner was ready and waiting for them. She knelt to greet Rafion as he bounded in her direction, giving him a warm hug around his neck and scratching behind his ears as he so often liked. She saw Alistair, Leliana and Wynne pass by her, Leliana pausing briefly to say hello to Rafion in her cutesy Orlesian manner before heading to her tent. Alistair introduced Wynne to the others before offering to set up his tent for the older woman to use.

Rising to her feet, Shastaryn led Rafion over to join the others at the fire. She took a seat, Rafion deciding to move off to the side, and accepted a bowl of stew from Morrigan who had, for some odd reason, decided to eat her evening meal with the rest of the group this night. Shastaryn thought it might have something to do with Wynne's presence, but both women seemed determined to keep their distance from each other.

In between bites of stew – rabbit, she thought – Shastaryn asked, "Anything happen while we were gone that I need to be made aware of?" She saw a look pass between Sten and Morrigan, but Sten simply shook his head and Morrigan replied, "All was quiet." Rafion barked his agreement.

Leliana chose that moment to begin telling them what had occurred at the Tower, something that Shastaryn decided to let the bard do since she was so good with storytelling. Shastaryn figured she would just bungle things. Tuning out the words, the voices, she let her thoughts drift back ….

_Shastaryn found Alistair standing near a strange woman with shoulder length hair, and several children running about. Pausing a moment, she called softly, "Alistair?" She was hesitant to interrupt because he seemed to be happy … something she hadn't witnessed in him since their meeting at Ostagar._

_Alistair noticed her presence and cried excitedly, "There you are! I was hoping to see you!"_

"_Is this a friend of yours, brother?" the strange woman asked._

_Alistair, looking at Shastaryn said, "This is my sister, Goldanna. And these," he gestured around them, "are her children."_

"_Would you and your guest like some tea, brother?"_

_Shastaryn frowned. Something wasn't right. "Alistair –"_

_Alistair simply begged, "Please say you'll stay!"_

_Shastaryn shook her head. "Don't you remember where we are? Why we are here?" she asked. She saw him begin to shake his head and added, "What do you remember?"_

_Alistair frowned, not really wanting to put the effort into answering her question, but he did remember that she was important to him, so he made himself do as requested. Sighing, he murmured, "Wait … I remember … a tower … the Circle …." His voice caught in a gasp. "We were trying to rescue the tower from Uldred!"_

_Shastaryn nodded encouragingly. "We are in the Fade, Alistair," she told him softly. "I need you to leave with me. We have much to do."_

_He nodded reluctantly, glancing about him once more. "It seems so real …."_

"_YOU SHALL NOT HAVE HIM!" the demon that was Goldanna cried, she and the "children" suddenly shifting forms and attacking the two Wardens._

_Shastaryn shifted so that she and Alistair were back to back as the others surrounded them. It didn't take long to dispatch them, and Shastaryn turned back to her fellow Warden. _

"_I-I don't know what to say .…" he told her. "I had hoped …."_

_Shastaryn nodded in understanding. "Alistair, I understand. I really do. But it was only an illusion, and you would never have been happy here." She saw him beginning to fade out as Wynne and Leliana had done; heard him grumbling about her disappearing. With a sigh, she turned to go and find the sloth demon so they could all depart this nightmare…._

* * *

Shastaryn's thoughts were brought back to the present when Alistair handed her a fresh bowl of stew, her third. She noted that he had gone back for more as well. Grinning at each other, he took a seat beside her and began eating. Leliana had finished her story, and the others were beginning to wander off, claiming exhaustion or some other excuse to leave the fire. Morrigan simply left without a word. Sten decided to take first watch and wandered out to navigate the perimeter of the camp. Leliana assisted Wynne to her tent and spent a few more minutes speaking with the mage before retreating to her tent. Rafion was lying beside Shastaryn's bedroll.

After several minutes of silence, Alistair told her in a quiet voice, "I want to thank you."

Shastaryn's eyebrow rose. "Oh? What did I do?"

He smiled, surprised at how her innocent look sent shockwaves through him. He wondered what that might mean. Shaking his head as if to dislodge the thoughts, he told her, "For not telling the others about … well, about how easily fooled I was by the Fade demons."

Shastaryn set her bowl aside and turned to face him. "Wynne and Leliana each had their own dream that I had to shake them out of as well," she told him honestly. "I had one as well. There is no shame in this, Alistair. The demons did what they could to defeat us by convincing us it was real, but in the end we were better because we knew what was real."

Alistair shook his head. "But –"

"No, Alistair," she insisted firmly. "If you really had been fooled, you never would have been able to find your way out of there, you know," she told him. "I may have prompted you to think about the situation differently than you had been, but you were the one who actually made the connection, discovered the deception on your own."

She rose to her feet, setting her bowl with the others to be cleaned. It was her turn for clean up duty tonight. She simply was waiting on Alistair to finish.

Alistair rose to his feet as well and handed her his now empty bowl. He watched as she gathered her items and began walking off towards their water source for the evening. "Thank you," he called after her softly. He watched her turn halfway around and gesture towards him. He frowned, not recognizing the sign. She laughed when she saw this and walked back to him for a moment.

Repeating the gesture, she explained, "Sorry! This is a sign for 'you're welcome'. We had a couple of children in the Alienage who couldn't hear and so those of us who came into contact with them frequently learned how to communicate with them by using certain gestures." She made another sign, looking almost as if she were blowing a kiss at him, and added, "This is 'thank you.'"

Alistair tried to make the signs and smiled as he found that it wasn't as difficult as it looked.

Shastaryn grabbed her things again and once more started out to wash the dishes.

Upon her return to camp, now laden with clean dishes and utensils, Shastaryn found Alistair still at the fire, seated once more. He looked as if he was thinking deeply, and she hesitated bothering him. She was about to turn and check on Rafion when she heard him call her name. Turning back, she went to sit by him. "Yes?"

"You know, I was thinking …." He saw her eyebrow lift and waited for it. He knew she had just as teasing a nature as him, she just didn't show it all the time.

"Just the one?"

He chuckled warmly and gave her a nod of acknowledgement. "That was good," he said admiringly. "A bit predictable, but good."

She grinned at him and felt a flutter in her chest as he looked into her eyes. "I do what I can," she finally managed. Then, turning her full attention back to him and his original comment, she asked in all sincerity, "Really, though, what is it?"

"Well," he told her, "I was thinking that if you had a whole system of communication with those elven children, do you think maybe you ought to teach some of it to us so we can communicate in battle situations or when we are traveling in silent mode?" He saw the surprise cross her delicate features, a light behind her green gaze that hadn't been there a moment before. _Did I do that?_ he wondered.

"Alistair, that is brilliant!" she told him, reaching out and grasping her arm. "I think it would be possible. I would have to consider which signs were most important, which ones would work best …. It might take some time, but I think it would work!" She leaned over and gave him a quick hug.

As she sat back, she saw that he had turned beet red. About to ask him what was wrong, he waved her off. "Don't mind me," he told her, jumping to his feet. She watched as he headed off in the direction of the creek. Shrugging, she made her way to her bedroll and lay down to get some much needed rest.


	6. Up, Up and Away

_ This is an idea that came to me while driving in the car one day cranking up Nightwish's __**I Wish I Had An Angel**__. I'm not quite sure why, but the beat and music to the song had me wondering about using a technique like this during a battle sequence. When I spoke to my husband (ex-military and my sounding board for anything like this) about it, we discussed practical uses of it and I altered the technique to fit this example. It may come back for a battle, it may not. I'm not quite sure yet, but I thought it interesting enough to try out. If you have any thoughts or input on it, please let me know!_

_

* * *

_

It had been a week since the attack in Lothering and though Shastaryn was feeling better in most regards and felt she should be training with the others, she was still having trouble with some of her battle moves and movements; this she'd discovered much to her chagrin during the battle for the mages' Tower. So, instead of participating and endangering both herself and the others, she and Leliana were currently sitting on the sidelines watching as Alistair and Sten sparred against each other until one or the other decided to take a bit of a rest and allowed Leliana to get some time in. And, though she was not participating, Shastaryn was still off to the side of the stretching, working her muscles in an attempt to loosen them up and get back to her former level of agility that she relied on for her style of combat.

She watched as Alistair decided to take a break this time and let Leliana try her hand against the Qunari. He walked over, sat down hard upon the log that served as a bench, and drank deeply from a water skin. Shastaryn tried not to notice the muscles that flexed with each move, each breath, beneath the plain tunic he wore. She closed her eyes, attempting to stretch her leg to an almost impossible angle seated as she was on the ground, ignoring the distraction he was causing her ….

"Maker's breath!" Alistair exclaimed as he watched her body contort into the almost obscene position. "How do you _do_ that?"

Shastaryn's eyes shot open at the sound and she glanced up at him from her position. She was seated on the ground, her legs spread out to either side, almost in a straight line from one foot to the other. "Hmm?" she asked. She saw him pointing at her position. "Oh, this? I've been doing stretches like this since I was a child," she told him. "They help increase my flexibility and agility in combat." She considered showing him how to do the same types of exercises, but decided against it when a look of horror crossed his features. She chuckled and gave him a smile. _He must have read my thoughts!_

Rising to her feet, she moved over by him on the log and took a long drink from the water skin he handed to her. They both continued to watch Leliana and Sten. The Qunari was so big, so strong … Shastaryn had begun to wonder if there might not be another benefit to having the man in their group. Surely there was some other way to utilize that strength …. But, Leliana's quickness, her darting around had its advantages too.

Shastaryn glanced across the camp in the direction that Morrigan had taken for her camp. She saw the woman kneeling beside her fire, mixing potions. Shastaryn had half expected the witch to be reading the tome she had begged the elf to search for while in the Tower, but as of yet, the elf had yet to see the woman open the book, _Flemeth's Grimoire_, she remembered.

Her gaze moving on, she found Wynne seated near the large campfire, monitoring dinner preparations while reading yet another book that Shastaryn had found in the Tower and given to her afterwards. From the brief glance she had given the tome, Shastaryn believed it to be a piece of romantic literature, but at the smile that crossed Wynne's features, Shastaryn had to wonder if there wasn't something more to it.

Rafion, on the other hand, had wandered over by Shastaryn's bedroll and settled down next to it. The elf wondered if Wynne had banished him yet again due to his … pungency. _Ah, Rafi,_ she thought, _I will have to get you bathed soon just to keep the peace in camp …._

Shastaryn let her gaze wander back towards the others. It was as her eyes settled upon the battle between Sten and Leliana that the elf felt the slightest of changes in her senses. Frowning, she thought at first it must simply have been a scent in the air or a light breeze. But then she noticed Alistair's back stiffen, watched as his muscles rippled when he subtly moved into a loose battle posture even as he sat on their "bench." Glancing up towards his face, she saw him turning to look down at her. "How close?" she breathed. She could barely feel it herself.

Alistair shrugged. "Not too close, I don't think," he murmured back, "but I really can't tell."

Camp was in a well wooded valley to the north and west of Lothering. It was actually the same camp they had used after leaving Lothering the week before when they had been heading towards the Tower. After their success there, Shastaryn had decided to head back in the direction of Lothering and then turn westward to head for Redcliffe.

Shastaryn rose to her feet and began patrolling the outer edges of the camp. The sensation, even though she knew what it was, bothered her. This was not like the other times that she had felt the darkspawn presence. This time, despite what had to be a considerable distance, she knew they had to be in much larger numbers, and it had her on edge. She wouldn't feel better unless she had a better idea of the full picture: size of their army, direction, and such.

Sighing in frustration, Shastaryn began muttering. Alistair glanced towards her, but said nothing. The others were oblivious to the two Wardens. "There has to be _some_ way to see how close they are!" she grumbled. She was so engrossed in her agitation that she didn't see the large tree in front of her … until she smacked her forehead into the low hanging branch….

Alistair heard the muted thud and turned just in time to see Shastaryn go down. He hurried over to her side. "Are you all right?" he asked swallowing a laugh. "What happened?"

Shastaryn was about to explain when she glanced up at the branch and was suddenly inspired. She scrambled to her feet, waving off Alistair's attempts to assist her or tend her wound, and turned towards him.

Alistair grew a bit nervous as he watched her eyeing him, sizing him up. "Whaaat?" he asked, lifting a hand to his hair. "Do I have dirt on my face or something? Leaves in my hair?"

"Hmm?" Shastaryn seemed to come out of her trance. "No!" she told him. Then she grinned sheepishly, blushing just a bit. "Sorry, I was thinking …."

"So, do you always stare at someone like they are a battle target or a piece of meat when you are … thinking?"

"Do I what?" She saw he was about to repeat himself, and quickly added, "Never mind. Come here with me a moment, will you?"

"Uh, sure … okay, I guess," he told her. He followed as she led him over to a taller tree. Frowning, he asked, "What are we doing?"

Shastaryn sensed his doubt, sensed his … hesitancy. She trusted him in battle, there was no doubt. He had done well to learn that lesson. However, it seemed that when they were not in battle, when they were in camp or traveling between destinations, he let his self-doubt kick in which in turn led her to wonder …. Shastaryn came to a sudden halt. "Alistair," she called softly, knowing he was right behind her, "do you trust me?"

Alistair was a bit surprised that she was asking him this again after their previous discussion, and he was about to respond to her when he noticed that she had stopped, that her body had straightened, and that she was ….

Shastaryn glanced up at his face when he caught her, his face upside down from hers, but she still recognized the irritation. Rising to her feet quickly, she told him, "I need you to trust me whether we are in battle or not." She saw him blink, do a quick double take then blush slightly as it all came together. "Are we all right now?"

Alistair nodded. "What do you need me to do?"

Shastaryn sighed. "Bare with me here for a moment if you will. This may take some explaining." She moved closer to the tree, glancing up at the lowest branches, looking for footholds, handholds, spacing between branches. Turning back to Alistair, she said, "I had this idea, and I need your help."

Alistair watched her, her gaze looking up at the tree, her words saying something else. "Ooooookay," he agreed. "What exactly do you need me to do?"

Shastaryn glanced over at him for a moment.

Alistair blushed. "You're doing it again," he muttered. At her look of confusion, he clarified. "Looking at me like I'm a piece of meat …."

Now it was Shastaryn's turn to blush. "Sorry!" she replied quickly. "I'm trying to visualize what it is I want to do, to make it easier to explain." She walked over to his side, glancing at the tree from his perspective. "Do me a favor?" She saw him nod. "Go and get your shield."

Alistair looked down at her, then up at the tree, but ran off to get the requested item. When he returned, he found her still standing as he'd left her. "I am assuming you want to climb that?" he asked, trotting over to her side and pointing upwards.

She nodded. "Yes, but I'm looking for a bit more of a … boost, if you will." At his frown, she tried again. "I don't want to have to climb the whole thing myself if I can get a bit more of a boost to lift me a part of the way …."

Alistair suddenly realized what she meant. "Well, I could toss you like the tumblers at fairs do: you know … step into my hands and I throw you up …?"

Shastaryn nodded. She'd seen tumblers like that once in Denerim at the fair there, when she and Shianni had snuck out of the Alienage to go and watch. "Actually," she told him, "I was thinking of something along those lines, but with a bit more … oomphf." She walked back over to the tree, looking up as she positioned herself. When she was finally comfortable with the position, she gestured him over. "Stand here," she told him.

Alistair moved to the position she indicated. "Okay. Now what?"

Shastaryn backed away from him a few steps. "What I have in mind is to run directly at you, jump onto your shield and at the moment of impact, use your shield to thrust me up that extra bit." She watched as he thought on that.

Musing on her idea, Alistair queried, "Then I suppose you want me in a crouch, because if I can get my legs as well as my shoulders behind it, you could go even higher … right?"

Shastaryn nodded, realizing he had the idea. "That's the idea. Let me know when you are ready."

Alistair did some calculating of his own, adjusting his position just a bit, and then crouched down, almost kneeling on one knee. He set aside his sword which he had brought just in case, moved his shield a bit, testing which way would be best to attempt the maneuver. Finally satisfied with his position, he told her, "I'm ready when you are."

Shastaryn nodded. She rocked back and forth on her feet a couple of times before springing forward. One, two, three steps and she leapt onto the flat of his shield. At the moment he felt her foot touch, he launched his body into an upright position, giving a battle cry at the same time, and stretched his arms as high as he could go.

Shastaryn was amazed at how much like flying it felt… at least, what she thought flying would feel like. Her impromptu flight was not without injuries, though, as she felt twigs and branches scraping and poking. In the end, the reason she stopped her forward motion was because a much larger branch had appeared suddenly, and she could go no further. She grasped hold of this branch, swinging her body around so that she could get her feet beneath her. Once she came to a stop, she glanced down … and nearly lost her balance when she realized how high she had gone. Quickly, she turned her gaze upwards and began climbing the rest of the way towards her final destination.

Alistair did not see her land on the branch, could not see her as she climbed, but could hear the slight rustling of the leaves and branches as she moved. It was obvious that her goal was not stealth this time, but height. While he waited her return, he thought about the move they had just completed …. Would it be something they could use in battle perhaps? If so, he'd have to learn to use it while holding a sword. He reached for his weapon and began practicing the move while holding it in his right hand, trying to determine how to use it all to their advantage.

Shastaryn gazed out across the plains, able to see quite a distance across the Bannorn to her amazement. In the distance, she could see Lothering, about a day's journey by foot, but from this height barely on the horizon … and what she saw horrified her. Shielding her eyes from the bright sunlight, she turned her gaze, glancing around to identify landmarks, the Imperial Highway, anything that would give them guidance.

Alistair was startled when Shastaryn suddenly dropped to the ground in front of him. He hadn't heard her descent at all. "What …?!" He stopped when he saw the look on her face. "What did you see?" he demanded, his voice taking on a harder edge.

Shastaryn saw his demeanor change from surprise to concern instantly. "Lothering is destroyed, burnt to the ground," she managed evenly, though inside she could feel her emotions nearing the surface.

Alistair closed his eyes, praying silently for the souls who had not escaped. "The horde," he breathed.

"Yes. And, they are heading in this direction. We need to leave. _Now_. They are perhaps a day away, but they are too many for us. We will have to go to Redcliffe the long way around." She looked up at Alistair, saw the disappointment he was trying to hide. "I'm sorry."

Alistair shook his head. "No," he told her, his voice strong, determined. "It's just a change of plans." Gesturing off towards the main portion of camp, he told her, "Let's go tell the others."


	7. A Second Chance

_As Leliana would say, Ugh! I have had the worst time making this chapter work well enough to suit me! For some strange reason, I was having difficulty with Zevran. Not quite sure why. Anyway, please let me know what you think!_

_As usual, Bioware is king of the playground …! _

* * *

Shastaryn sighed inwardly, repeatedly counting to ten in any language she could think of in a desperate effort to hold off her temper. She had not expected to be challenged quite so adamantly by both Alistair and Morrigan; two who, whenever possible, were at each others' throats, not ganging up on her. She was tired, exhausted after having spent the main part of the afternoon not only defending herself and her companions against an ambush, but in having to deal with the constant innuendos and double entendres that their newest companion insisted upon.

"You are as much a fool as this Templar if you –"

… _huit … neuf … dix… Leliana would be proud!… _

"ENOUGH!" Shastaryn finally erupted, her voice dropping an octave and resonating with irritation. She was pleased to see both Alistair and Morrigan back off a step or two, as well as Morrigan ceasing her comments. Shastaryn glared at the both of them. "I have been made leader of this group, yes?" She waited for their nods. "Therefore, my decisions are final. Your comments, concerns and criticisms have been noted and filed away for later reference should they be needed, but for now Zevran remains with us!"

Turning, Shastaryn placed her pinky and her thumb in her mouth beneath her tongue, whistled hard, loud, and piercing and was immediately joined by Rafion. Giving him a hand gesture that had him suddenly bounding away from her, she stormed off after him, looking desperately for some place that would provide her with peace and quiet….

…. It wasn't to be. Not three hundred yards from camp, Shastaryn realized that their newest member was following her. She could sense his presence not because of her tainted blood, but by the extensive training her mother had given her in her youth. _Thank you, mamae!_ "Rafi!" she murmured softly. She watched the hound turn and cock his head at her awaiting her command. She gave him a different signal, a new one they had been working on in secret. Nodding knowingly, the animal turned and headed in a different direction.

Now alone, Shastaryn continued her previous pace in the direction of the small lake they had camped near. As she approached, she realized she would have only the briefest of seconds to implement her plan. She hoped Rafion would hurry with her request.

Zevran cautiously approached the body of water. He had thought perhaps Shastaryn had spotted him during her walk, but after a brief pause to command her dog, she had continued on as if nothing were wrong. Now, as he neared the edge of the lake, he noticed a pile of clothing to the left, and ripples of water where she apparently dove into the water. Zev couldn't resist a wicked grin at the thought …. _Perhaps I should join her …._

"I wouldn't be so smug, if I were you," Shastaryn murmured into his ear, one dagger at his throat, the other at the small of his back. "Looks can be very deceptive."

Zev's eyes widened at her words and her presence behind him. _How did she do that? He hadn't heard a sound, and he was trained to recognize that kind of stealth!_ "My dear, Warden, I –"

"Save it!" she hissed. "I didn't give you a second chance at life to turn lecher on me or my group. I allowed you to live because I thought you to be an asset, bring some unique skill sets, assist us in our mission. Was I mistaken?"

Zevran knew beyond a doubt he had to tread very carefully here. He realized that there was something deeper at issue with his fellow elf, something of which he was not yet aware. "No, Warden, you were not mistaken," he replied.

"Good. Then we have an understanding."

Just as suddenly as she appeared, she removed her daggers from him… and he spun around, his daggers suddenly in hand, his first moves already planned out and executed.

Shastaryn had expected this. Truly, she would have been disappointed if he hadn't done something along these lines. She moved quickly, spinning, jumping, dodging and weaving, her agility once more her ally in her battle actions.

Moments later, Zevran stepped back, breathing heavily, dropping his daggers to the ground and raising his hands in surrender. "Warden, you have my admiration, my respect, my complete trust," he told her. "I will not challenge such a beautiful sex goddess again."

Shastaryn nodded, ignoring the innuendo and accepting his words as they were meant. Using her toes to flip his daggers back up to him, but maintaining her stance she told him, "Do not push me, Zevran Arainai, and we shall get along fine. But," she added, her tone deadly serious, "cross the line again and I will not hesitate to eliminate you."

Zevran kept his eyes on her as he sheathed his weapons and nodded. He saw something behind the fierce words and actions and realized then what he should have seen from the first. "It shall be as you wish, dear lady." He was observant enough to know that by her use of his full name she was not naming him "friend" just yet. He then turned and left the area.

She waited a long moment to be sure he was gone. Then, sighing, she turned back to her pile of clothing. As she walked in that direction, she called out, "Thanks, Rafi!" She heard a happy bark nearby and watched as the hound ran and launched himself into the lake. "Alistair," she called, "you can come on out now. He's gone."

Alistair, in his tunic and leggings, but armed with his sword and shield appeared from behind the trees. He approached her warily, unsure of her mood after their confrontation a short time before. He also discovered that he was distracted by her distinct lack of clothing. "Are-are you all right?" he finally managed.

Shastaryn reached up and pulled the pins that were holding her curls up on the top of her head. Shaking the hair loose, she allowed it to settle about her, covering her body a bit more than her small clothes by themselves. Sighing in relief for the first time that day, she turned her head to look up at him, her hair moving with the motion. Before she spoke, she recognized a look of alarm that crossed his face. Frowning, she asked, "What is it?" She glanced back over her shoulder in case there was a threat in that direction.

Alistair shook his head. He saw the haunted look she had worn back in Lothering attempting to make itself known again, but this time he could actively see her suppressing it … and succeeding. He suspected that her control of the situation with the assassin had helped her regain some semblance of control in her life. "N-nothing," he replied. He swallowed with difficulty as he became aware of her unclothed state. Closing his eyes briefly, he wondered, _And what would she say if she knew what I was thinking? What would she do to me? Would she be as merciful as she was with the Antivan? I think not!_

"Alistair, what's wrong?" she asked, her concern growing. She moved forward, closing the distance between them. She had never seen him like this before. Reaching out, she started to touch his arm … and gasped in shock as he yanked it away from her.

Shastaryn lowered her hand, respecting his wishes and struggled to hide the hurt that she was feeling at that moment. "I-I'm sorry," she murmured. She watched his face, watched as a variety of emotions crossed his features, … and suddenly she knew. Turning away from him, she took a few steps in the direction of the water and launched herself into a shallow dive, joining Rafion who was still splashing around in the water.

Alistair watched wordlessly for a long moment as she swam out towards the hound. He was torn. Never before had he felt, … well, anything like what he was feeling for his fellow Warden. That said, he had absolutely no idea what he should do about it. Should he tell her? Should he find a way to ignore it? "Damn it!" he hissed.

Shastaryn rose to her feet, only a few yards into the pool where the water came to her waist. She was turned away from the direction of camp. Her breathing was heavy, and she tried to convince herself that it was simply due to being under the water. Raising her hands to her face, she felt new moisture, tears, leaking down her cheeks as she ran her hands to push her hair out of her face. _Maker!_ she thought. _How does he get to me like that? Why do I let him?_

Shastaryn suddenly heard splashing behind her, and began to turn … until Alistair caught her arms and pulled her close. She looked up into his eyes .… Her breath caught at the look she saw there. Swallowing hard, she whispered, "Alistair?"

Alistair loosened his grip on her arms, afraid he would hurt her, but allowed his hands to remain. He stared down into her emerald gaze, feeling as if the world around him were coming to a halt. Time stood still. He decided to take a chance then, to do what he wanted to do. Leaning forward, he lowered his lips towards hers … and was rewarded with a huge splash of water into his face when Rafion launched himself at the both of them.

Shastaryn hadn't noticed her hound's presence for the past few moments, having been so caught up in the intensity of Alistair's gaze. She had seen what he wanted, what he had planned to do … until they were so rudely interrupted. Now, she stepped back from him, coughing at the water Rafion had managed to get up her nose, and she struggled to compose herself.

Alistair too was having a time of it. Not only was he now soaked to the skin, but walls that had been erected between himself and Shastaryn earlier and had seemed to have come down were now reforming to what he feared might be even greater heights. Embarrassed by his response to her, he muttered, "I-I'm sorry!" before turning and leaving the water. He felt her gaze upon his back as he grabbed his shield and sword and then hurried off in the direction of camp.

Shastaryn waded over towards a shallow area where she could sit in the water and scratch Rafion. She was disappointed at the interruption, having an instinctual feeling that she would have enjoyed kissing Alistair, but there was nothing that could be done about it now. Resting her head against the hound's neck, she murmured, "Rafi, you really have rotten timing!" She was rewarded with a happy yip from the dog before he turned to lick her face. Laughing back at him, she began a short session water fight before leaving the water and drying off. Once dressed, she grabbed her remaining items and signaled the hound back to camp.


	8. Chef Apostate

_This is an idea I came up with one night a while back while catching reruns on cable TV. This is my tribute to Iron Chef (the original Japanese version] that we used to watch as a family when it was on TV years ago. This one had me giggling from the moment it popped into my head! I'm sorry if my sense of humor seems far off base!_

* * *

Camp was established quickly that afternoon. Shastaryn divided the group, sending Zevran, Leliana, and Sten to hunt while the others remained to set up tents and start the fires. Within moments, camp was established. While completing the set up of her tent, Shastaryn heard the creaking and groaning noises of a wagon behind her. She turned and smiled to see Bodahn Feddic and his son Sandal arriving. Clearly they could keep up with the Wardens when they needed to.

Smiling to herself, Shastaryn thought about talking with the man later in the evening to see what he might have to trade. On her last exchange with him, she'd come away with a new backpack. She'd also seen a nice little war axe called the Veshialle which she thought might work for her in place of her dagger, but she knew she'd have to talk him down in price to be able afford it.

A while later, Shastaryn exited her tent having removed her armor and changing into leggings and a loose linen tunic. Still armed with her bow, she reached for a pile of empty waterskins that had been left, by designation, near the fire and signaled Rafion to her side before starting in the direction of the stream they had chosen to camp near. Seeing no one but the grandmotherly mage nearby, she told her, "Wynne, I'm going to go and fetch some water." Wynne simply nodded, continuing her arrangements for the evening as if Shastaryn had never spoken.

Once she and Rafion reached the water's edge, the process of filling the containers was swift. Shastaryn decided to let Rafion play in the stream for a few moments, allowing him a moment of fun while sincerely hoping that it would assuage Wynne's perceptive nose. She supposed that it wouldn't hurt to have Rafion bathe as frequently as the others. Still early in her relationship with the mage, Shastaryn was a bit afraid of what the woman might do in an effort to make the animal smell a bit … fresher if she didn't take matters into her own hands.

Upon their return to camp, Shastaryn set Rafion up on watch duty, something he not only seemed to enjoy but took rather seriously as well, until the others returned with the food for the evening meal. A few moments later, while at the fire she glanced over and found the hound "marching" back and forth. _Ah, Rafi_, she thought with a contented smile.

The hunters returned shortly thereafter, approaching their leader with their now cleaned trophies. There were numerous fish, three rabbits and a variety of wild vegetables. Shastaryn shuddered as the threesome left her side to go and wash up. It was her turn to cook this evening, and she was suddenly at a loss as to what to prepare. "Ah, mamae," she murmured softly while staring down at the bounty in front of her, "where are you when I need you most?"

Alistair, who had been approaching the fire from behind her, overheard her comment and wondered if he should leave before his presence was noticed. Though they had spoken of her mother and her life before her mother's death six years earlier, Alistair knew Shastaryn still missed the woman a great deal. Taking a deep breath, he decided to throw caution to the wind and continue his approach to the fire. _After all¸ _he thought, _she wants me to trust her as much as she trusts me. If I'm afraid to be near her, I'm not trusting her as I should be. _ Upon spying the dinner contributions and the items she was pulling from a nearby pack, he commented, "Let me guess – the veggies were Leliana's idea?"

Shastaryn nodded absently and smiled. She could hear the teasing in the timbre of his voice and knew that he had accurately assessed the situation. "You know," she teased back, allowing him victory in his distraction and grateful for it, if only for a moment, "if I were a mage I would be able to magically produce not only a deserving recipe, but the remaining ingredients and perfect seasonings as well … all out of thin air, mind you!"

Alistair's snort of laughter made her smile widen, he saw. He moved to her side and reached for the skewers in her hand. "Chef apostate?" he queried, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

Shastaryn gazed up into his beautiful liquid amber eyes. "Something like that," she breathed softly, wondering silently if he knew just how breathtakingly handsome he was.

Alistair swallowed hard. He had been trying to work up his nerve of late to kiss her and take their relationship a step further, but he had not quite managed to do so. The disaster the other evening at the lake was proof of that. Until now. The look in her eyes, her slightly parted lips, and the fact that she stood so very close to him finally drove him into action. But, Alistair, so used to joking his way through his nervous moments, said, "So, um, all this time we've spent together … you know; the tragedy, the brushes with death, the constant battles with the whole Blight looming over us … do you think you will miss it … once it's over, that is?"

Shastaryn choked back a laugh. She could tell by his delivery, by the look that passed over his features that he'd not intended to say that as it had come out. Acting as if nothing was amiss however, she queried softly, "Miss the constant battles? Or miss you, Alistair?"

Alistair knew she was cutting him a break, yet again. _Perhaps she does care, if only a little bit._ "I know it … might sound strange, considering we haven't really known each other for very long, but I've come to … care for you, Shasta. A great deal." He glanced up at the sky, trying to find his way through the mess he was making of it. "I think maybe it's because we've gone through so much together, I don't know. Or maybe I'm imagining it. Maybe I'm just fooling myself." His gaze found hers again. "Am I?" he asked softly, searching her gaze once more. "Fooling myself? Or do you think you might ever … feel the same way about me?"

Shastaryn's breath caught. "Alistair," she breathed softly, "I already do."

He set the skewers aside and reached a hand to her cheek. "Maker's breath," he breathed while lowering his head to hers so that their foreheads touched, "you are so beautiful!"

Shastaryn wasn't nearly as surprised as she had thought she might be when his lips brushed lightly against hers. She had, to be honest, only recently thought about taking this leap herself since he seemed to be so reluctant to do so. She knew he had been hesitating not only because of his own background, but also because of what had happened to her. He had told her that before.

But, the electricity that emanated from him, the sudden, powerful jolt between them as their lips met and tangled and danced together for the first time, _THAT_ surprised her and had her wondering why they had waited so long.

When Alistair pulled his head back from hers, albeit reluctantly, he rested his forehead against hers once more so he could look deep into her green gaze. Both were heaving, trying to catch their breaths, trying to remain in control. "I-I'm sorry," he managed. Then he added nervously, "That-that wasn't too soon, was it?"

Shastaryn chuckled softly, gently, reaching a finger up to touch his lips lightly, to trace their shape. She saw he was blushing, and she couldn't help but find it endearing. "I don't know, Alistair," she teased, unable to hide her own blushing cheeks. "I think I might need some more testing … just to be sure."

Alistair's warm chuckle calmed her he noticed. He gazed down at her, replying quietly, "Well, I'll have to arrange that, then, won't I? Maker's breath, Shasta, but you're beautiful. I am a lucky man."

She watched him smile, a very male and slightly provocative smile meant specifically for her, and she had to wonder if he knew that he was doing so. Reluctantly lowering her hand, she asked, "As much as I would like to continue this, don't you think we should we get back to making dinner? The others may not like going without their evening meal."

His smile remained as he added, "Yes, let's get back to … what we were up to before. Lest I forget why we're here…." He watched her chuckle easily and delighted in her joy and the fact that he could bring it to her.

* * *

…. It was much later that evening, after the meal and been prepared and eaten and widely appreciated by everyone; and after, one by one, each of the companions began to disappear into their tents until only Leliana, Shastaryn and Morrigan remained. Sten had the watch, but was on the far side of the camp. It was in the silence between friends that Shastaryn began to think about the kiss that she and Alistair had shared earlier that evening.

Leliana caught the secretive smile that flickered across Shastaryn's porcelain-like features. "Ah," she teased softly, knowingly, "it seems as if our little templar has finally grown up and he even … ahem … plays well with others!"

Morrigan snorted, but said nothing. Having been with the two Wardens from the very beginning of their lone journey, she felt that she knew them better than the other companions. However, her opinion had not been solicited, nor was she willing to surrender it without something in exchange, so she kept her peace … for the moment.

Shastaryn, for her own part, couldn't hide the blush that Leliana's comments initiated. She opened her mouth to speak, to deny the hidden accusation, but realized that, no matter what she said, her two compatriots would still tease her mercilessly. So, instead, she snapped her mouth shut and remained silent.

"I think it's sweet," Leliana told her sincerely.

The soft, secret smile returned to the elf's lips. _So do I!_, Shastaryn thought.


	9. Keep Trusting

_ This idea came to me in the middle of the night – literally! I had to get up and write it out, fine tune it … and here it is! Hope you like it!_

_ Thanks to everyone for their favoriting and setting of alerts – you really make my day! (my husband thinks I've become addicted to this! Me, I just feel like I finally have an outlet for all this creativity that has been building up for 25+ years since high school!) _

_Bioware owns all, I just wish I'd been that smart!_

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Shastaryn plodded along the snow covered trail while leading her motley group of adventurers. They had recently gained yet another companion of sorts in the figure of Levi Dryden. Levi was a man with a mission, so to speak. He'd shown up in camp one night, out of the blue and causing no end of surprise and suspense as his arrival had been during Sten's turn on the watch, and the Qunari had been extremely reluctant to leave the man breathing. Once things had finally sorted themselves out, however, Shastaryn and Alistair had agreed to Levi's request, which had originally been approved by Duncan it seemed, to search out and reclaim the keep at Soldier's Peak.

That in itself had not been so difficult a task, if killing walking dead corpses, skeletons, rage demons, and the possessed body of Levi's great-great grandmother (there'd been no end of jokes on _that _topic in camp afterwards!) before facing an ancient Warden blood mage and convincing him to spend his final days doing normal magical research could be considered an everyday occurrence. In the end, the keep was emptied of its ghosts, save for the mage, Avernus, and restored to the Wardens (both Shastaryn and Alistair found this to be vastly amusing for some odd reason, but they kept the giggling to a minimum and between themselves), and a weigh stop for Levi's assorted tradesmen family members was established. Shastaryn also didn't mind having her own location for hiding goods and supplies from their enemies as well as having an emergency hideout for the group, should it become necessary.

Their original mission at the Peak now completed, Shastaryn decided that the group would take several days to relax, rest up and restock their supplies – which meant waiting on Levi's cousins to arrive – which also meant clearing out the three paths through the mountains to the keep. That being the case, she, Leliana, Alistair and Morrigan and Rafion were currently working on clearing out the third and final passage.

Shastaryn was at point, no more than a couple of yards ahead of the rest of the group. It was snowing yet again (they were in the mountains – go figure!), and Shastaryn was beginning to think that the snow and cold were highly overrated. She was wearing her leathers, armed with her bow today as Mikael Dryden, Levi's brother, had offered to refurbish her dagger and longsword to fighting condition for her. As she walked along, huddling beneath her woolen cloak for some kind of warmth, she found that her attention began to wander as the daylight started to fade.

Suddenly, she heard a clamor behind her. Rafion started barking crazily, and Shastaryn spun around just in time to see Leliana who had been the next behind her suddenly drop as the open edge of the path gave way beneath her. "Leli!" she shouted in alarm, diving forward and landing on her belly close to the precipice, reaching desperately over the edge of the cliff and grasping frantically for her friend's hand or something that she could hold her by.

Rafion immediately grasped the edge of Shastaryn's leather skirt in his teeth, desperately trying to pull her back to safety. Alistair approached from the left, carefully nearing the edge in case it too should give way beneath his weight. And Morrigan …. Well, Morrigan did as only she could do, utilizing her shapeshifting ability and changing into a large bird before flying down over the side of the cliff.

Shastaryn had barely managed to grasp Leliana's hand as the Orlesian went over the side of the mountain, but what she had grasped, she would not let go of. Inching herself forward, despite the attempts to the contrary by her hound, Shastaryn struggled to reach over with her other arm, attempting to secure her hold on the woman. "Leli, give me your other hand!" she gasped.

"I can't lose my bow!" the girl cried.

"Maker's breath! Forget the damned bow, you silly idiot! I'll get you another one!" she shouted. "I need you alive more than you need that bow!" It took several long moments, but Shastaryn was relieved to finally feel Leliana's other hand as it grasped hers, wrist to wrist. Looking back over her shoulder, she urged Rafion, "Pull me back!"

Alistair leaned over now, grasping Shastaryn's legs and pulling as the hound continued to yank at the leather. Morrigan arrived shortly after the two other women were safely back on the pathway, landing nearby, and holding Leliana's bow in her claws. After transforming back into her normal witch-like state, she muttered something beneath her breath that none of the rest could understand, and turned to walk back towards the keep.

Shastaryn knelt beside her Orlesian friend, leaning into her while half sobbing and half laughing after the rush of adrenaline began wearing off. A moment later, she felt Alistair kneeling behind them, wrapping his arms around them both. "Thank the Maker!" he breathed in relief. Rafion rewarded the two women with huge doggie kisses, making them laugh. Long moments later, Alistair helped the women to their feet. "Come on then," he told them, "we can finish this tomorrow. Let's get back to someplace warm."

Shastaryn agreed and after verifying that Leliana had no injuries that would prevent her from walking back, allowed Rafion to lead the way. She decided to take up the rear position, hoping to have the time and distance from the rest to think.

When they arrived in the main courtyard, Shastaryn watched Alistair escort Leliana over to Wynne, requesting that the mage examine the Orlesian bard to be sure she had no injuries. Shastaryn saw Morrigan nearby, and suspected that she had forewarned Wynne to what had occurred as the elder mage was walking towards them in concern when they arrived. Wynne led Leliana indoors where they could find some privacy.

Shastaryn turned towards Levi, approaching him to update him on the conditions of the last pathway. "We will go back tomorrow and finish clearing it, but we should be almost done."

"Thank you, Warden," he told her. "I don't know that we can ever repay your kindness enough …."

Shastaryn waved his words away with a hand gesture. "Levi, it is you and your family who are doing us the greater favor. Please, call it even if you must, but no more thanks, okay?" She watched him smile. Nodding, she turned to walk away, but instead bumped into Alistair. Literally. "Oh! Excuse me!"

Alistair chuckled, his hands quickly moving up to keep her from falling over. "Sorry about that." He stepped aside, allowing her to pass and walk off towards the keep.

Entering the massive structure, Shastaryn found that Wynne and Leliana were still behind closed doors so she decided to head towards the third floor, and out on the bridge across between Avernus' tower and the main keep. She was feeling the need for open air, but not necessarily with everyone else around her. Shastaryn had discovered the sanctuary after the keep had been freed, and knew she could spend hours up here, gazing over the surrounding mountains.

Pulling her hood close and shrugging snugly beneath the woolen cover, Shastaryn exited through the oaken barrier. The wind was harsh this day, blowing down from the north. The cold was almost too much for her, but she hunched her back to the wind and turned to face south. She gazed at the few flakes of snow in the air, enjoying watching as they tossed about on the air currents, their irregular patterns tantalizing her imagination. She chuckled softly to herself as she recalled an incident from her youth when it had, for once, snowed in Denerim and she, Soris and Shianni had gone chasing after the snowflakes, catching them in their grubby little hands and then crying when they had melted.

Alistair watched from the door that had not completely closed with Shastaryn's departure. He had felt the draft when coming up to examine Asturian's painting of the Grey Warden in the other room, and when he found the door open, he peeked out to find his fellow elf standing in the cold and wind and snow … laughing softly to herself. The sound, which he had heard all too infrequently from her, tugged at his heart.

Shastaryn was startled when she felt strong hands at her shoulders, turning her around, but she had sensed Alistair's presence before his arrival. She glanced up at him. Smiling, she gestured around her. "I was thinking about the snow … and when I was a child," she told him.

He nodded in understanding. He pulled his cloak close and turned to look out over the bridge wall in the distance. "I didn't actually see snow for the first time until after they took me away to the monastery," he told her. "I was ten, I think, and I remember thinking how pretty it was." He turned his face to look at her. "Until they made me and the other initiates start shoveling the pathways all over the monastery. Then it got really old really fast!"

Shastaryn chuckled. "I can imagine!" she replied. "When I was little, on the rare occasion that snow would fall in Denerim, I remember me and Soris and Shianni all running after the snowflakes … trying to catch them one at a time and take them back to our parents!" She smiled at the memory. "You've never seen such sad faces when we returned, opened our hands only to find that they were gone!"

Alistair chuckled at the thought. Looking back out at the mountains, he could picture a small version of Shastaryn running around in after snowflakes trying to catch them one way or another. After a few moments of companionable silence, Alistair glanced her way and asked, "Are you all right after what happened earlier?"

Shastaryn sighed. She felt him reach out and take one of her freezing hands into his, covering it with his own and rubbing it some in an effort to warm it. "I'm fine," she replied after a while. "I was a bit … irritated … that Leliana wouldn't get rid of the bow right away, but –"

Alistair smiled down at her. "Perhaps you ought work with her on your mother's methods of trusting someone?"

Shastaryn grinned up at him. "Perhaps I should," she agreed with a slight nod and a hearty chuckle. She edged closer to him and was thankful when he slid his arm around her shoulders. Sighing again, she leaned into the partial embrace.

Alistair turned slightly, pulling her closer, reaching out and lifting her face to his. Lowering his head, he lightly kissed her lips, watching at the surprise that showed in her eyes and then turned to something … more. He adjusted their position, sliding a hand around behind her head so that he could deepen the kiss at a more comfortable angle. He felt her arms slide up his chest to his shoulders, around his neck. Suddenly breaking their contact, he gasped and took a quick step back, still holding on to her so she wouldn't fall. "Maker's breath!" he gasped. He noted her breathing was as ragged as his.

Shastaryn gasped for air, sucking in as much as her lungs could take and ignoring the cold in it. That kiss had been so much more … potent than their first one the other night. She lifted a hand to her lips, touching them, still feeling his taste, the pressure, the … electricity that existed between them. Looking into his eyes, she saw he was unsure of what should come next, something that she was unsure of as well. "Perhaps," she suggested gently while grasping his hand and squeezing lightly, "we should return to the others…. It might be …."

"Safer?" he offered. He saw her nod and he smiled. "Right."

They descended the keep together, stopping by the room designated for Leliana, Morrigan and Shastaryn to share during their stay. The door was now propped open, and Shastaryn found Wynne and Leliana chatting. Entering the room, she crossed to the bed where her friend was lying. "So," Shastaryn said softly.

Leliana blushed, turning her face away from her leader for just a moment. "I-I am sorry," she murmured.

Shastaryn glanced up at Wynne, felt Alistair's presence behind her. Sighing and releasing her anger, frustration and, if pressed she would admit it – her fear for her friend, she reached out and touched Leliana's arm. Leliana turned back to face her after a long moment. "Please, Leli," Shastaryn told her while shuddering just a bit at the memory, "don't ever do that again!"

Leliana nodded. "I-I promise," she replied solemnly. She looked up at Wynne for a moment and nodded.

Wynne stood, announcing, "Alistair, do you think you could escort me to my room? I'm so … exhausted after my efforts here …."

"What? Oh, sure, Wynne…." Alistair quickly approached the mage and they left the room.

Shastaryn and Leliana were staring right at each other as this exchange occurred and only barely managed to refrain from bursting into laughter until the door closed. Shastaryn leaned back and sighed. "She wasn't very subtle, was she?"

Leliana giggled. "No, but that doesn't matter around Alistair, and you know it!"

Shastaryn smiled. "No, it doesn't. Now," she continued, adjusting her position on the side of the bed so she was more comfortable, "what was all of that," she waved over her shoulder in the direction of the door, "a cover for?"

Leliana blushed again. "Well, you see, I … I need to talk to you about something."

Shastaryn figured as much. "Okay. What is this about?" Leliana had this habit of biting her lower lip when she was nervous, and Shastaryn noticed that right away. She sat still, waiting patiently for her friend to begin.

"Well, you see, I haven't been completely honest with you… about why I wanted to come with you, that is. You see, …."


	10. Of Rings and Things

_I've always been disappointed that DA:O never did more with the wedding ring that the my city elf took off of Nelaros's body when escaping from the Arl of Denerim's estate. This is one way I imagine it might have gone. Please let me know what you think!_

_ [and, yes, I know it seems like Shastaryn is always making dinner, but honestly, if your other choice was Alistair, wouldn't you? It also has something to do (I suppose) with the fact that I enjoy cooking! (before DA:O came along, I was a Food Channel junkie!) The way I figure it is that the party is out on the road at least a year if not longer, and the relatively few times I have her cooking works out in the end!]_

_ Thank you to all of the new reviews, favorites and alerts! I'm amazed to see so many showing up! You all humble me! Jen4306, sapphiretoes, welcome along for the ride! And thanks to Erynnar, Piceron, and mille libri – your comments and communications are a great help!_

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They made camp in late afternoon, first having had to fight off a small group of darkspawn that morning, and then later being ambushed by a group of assassins with the intent to kill Leliana. _It seems what she told me at the Peak was correct after all,_ Shastaryn thought as she cleaned up before working on dinner. _This Marjolaine knows that Leliana is with us. She is probably afraid that Leliana will talk … or worse. Something has to be done._ Shastaryn sighed. _We will have to go to Denerim soon._

Shastaryn continued to mull over the events and their possible meanings as she returned to camp and set her things inside her tent. She saw Rafion lying beside the shelter and spent a moment scratching him behind his ears. He'd done a great job during the attack that afternoon. Unfortunately, he'd also been a victim of an arrow in his back leg. Once the projectile had been removed, Wynne had healed him quick enough, but Shastaryn knew that he had earned a well deserved rest. With an affectionate pat on the head, she rose and headed towards the fire.

Shastaryn was seated near the blaze when Alistair returned from the nearby creek where he had washed up. The others were off pitching tents, cleaning armor, or doing other sundries that were required at the end of a day defending the land from villains. Alistair walked over and took a seat near Shastaryn, noting as he did so that she was working on some of the dinner preparations. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Leliana heading off to the creek for her turn to clean up. For just a moment he wondered how their companion was doing. She had been shaken up by the assassins: not because they were assassins, but because they had been sent for her. He hoped that she wouldn't let this affect her too much.

Alistair reached over and took some of the vegetables from Shastaryn and began to assist her. He had done this on occasion after discovering that the woman never seemed to ask for help … with anything. He said nothing, preferring their companionable silence for a time. It was while she was slicing one of the onions for to place in the soup pot that Alistair noticed the ring on her finger as it glinted in the firelight. It was a beautiful ring, made of gold.

Alistair frowned as he watched the ring reflect some of the firelight and fading sunlight. _No, not gold,_ he realized, _some kind of wood_. It had been polished to such a shine that it looked like metal. Around the band were carved intricate vines and leaf patterns reminiscent of the leaves Alistair had seen designed into Dalish armor once.

When Shastaryn sat back once again, Alistair carefully pointed towards the ring with the knife he was using to peel carrots. "That's beautiful," he murmured conversationally.

Shastaryn hadn't been paying much attention, preferring to be lost in her thoughts. It was the movement of Alistair's hand with the knife that caught her attention. "Sorry, what?"

"Your ring," he explained. "It's beautiful. I don't think I've ever seen anything finer."

Shastaryn looked down at her finger and was surprised by the sharp memories and quick tears that came to her eyes as she glanced at the obscure piece of jewelry. She wiped the moisture away quickly, ferociously, but Alistair still noticed. "Oh, Maker," he breathed, leaning towards her and removing the knife from her hand as she continued to struggle with her emotions. "I-I'm sorry, Shasta," he told her, patting her arm, praying he would find a way to get their conversation back to safer ground.

Shastaryn warred between the brief memories she had of Nelaros and Alistair's use of a nickname that only he tended to use for her. "N-no," she whispered, placing the hand with the ring on top of his and squeezing. "It's … it's okay, Alistair." She took a deep breath, released it slowly and then rushed to explain. "It was to be my wedding ring…."

Alistair didn't think he could be any more startled than he was at that moment. He was so stunned that he almost slipped with the knife and cut his finger. "You-you're married?" he asked. He felt as if his world had just started spinning out of control. He felt his stomach turn violently and wondered for a moment if he was going to be ill.

Shastaryn shook her head. "No!" she replied immediately, almost too forcefully. Another calming breath. "No, Alistair, I'm not married. Nelaros was my betrothed but he was killed by guards at the Arl Urien's castle when both he and Soris came to rescue me and the other women who were kidnapped…."

She took back the vegetables she had been working on and continued to slice and dice for dinner, all the while, telling Alistair the story from the beginning. "… I promised myself I would keep his ring, as a tribute to his memory. He had no other family, no one to keep his memory alive. When he left the Alienage at Highever, he joined our family whether we were married yet or not."

Shastaryn sat, staring into the flames dancing in front of her eyes, hoping that it would help keep her tears at bay. "He was nothing to me but a man who was to be my husband. A man who didn't deserve to be eviscerated by guards belonging to Arl Urien."

Alistair swallowed hard and murmured, "I'm so sorry for your loss."

Shastaryn glanced up at him, catching his amber gaze. "Alistair, please don't get me wrong," she told him firmly. "Nelaros and I didn't know each other until we met that morning. I knew him for all of about three hours at most before he died. I just …" she looked up into the darkening evening sky as she searched for the words that she wanted.

"Nelaros didn't have to come after me," she explained, dumping a load of carrots into the pot. "We didn't even know each other, we certainly didn't love each other, and yet, he cared enough to risk his life – and he knew before leaving the Alienage for the castle that it would be a risk - to save me from that vile man… and as a result of that, he perished." She didn't say it, but her words implied, _Because of me._

Groaning, Alistair moved to sit next to her, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her into a gentle embrace. She might not have known the man, but Alistair could sense how much she cared, if not about Nelaros about the idea of friends, family; as she cared about her current companion. Alistair knew she would check in on each member at some point during each day, making sure everyone was all right, that needs were being met, that anyone who needed a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen had it available.

After a long moment, he smiled gently down at her and said, "I guess he hadn't seen you in action yet to know that you could take care of yourself?"

Shastaryn chuckled warmly, allowing his lightheartedness to envelop her. She _needed_ this. "No," she replied. "My father specifically told me **not** to mention my training to him."

They continued working on meal preparations, with Alistair only occasionally making a joke or comment to get her to smile. When the meal was finally completely underway, Shastaryn decided that she wanted to go for a swim. She'd washed up earlier – after all, it wasn't wise to cook dinner with darkspawn blood all over you unless you had plans to turn someone into a ghoul for dessert, but Shastaryn was feeling the need for a long soak and a swim after the conversation with Alistair.

She reached the creek and followed it along a short distance to where it pooled up more and was deep enough she could submerge her body completely under water. Setting her towel and clean clothing aside, she made short work of the clothing she had been wearing and jumped right in. Bursting back above water a moment later, she gasped out at the cool temperature of the liquid now encasing her body. Teeth chattering, she took a deep breath and submerged once more, counting to twenty as she did so. This time when she appeared, she could feel her body adjusting and she was able to relax enough to swim around.

Alistair had seen Shastaryn leaving camp and decided to follow her as she had taken no weapon in order to protect herself. She'd even left Rafion behind. Or, at least that is the reason he told himself as he watched her jump into the water and caught a very brief glimpse of her pale skin. _Oh, Maker,_ he thought. _She is so beautiful!_

Shastaryn ducked her head beneath the water once more, using the liquid to slick back her hair away from her face. Smiling to herself, she realized that Alistair was standing at the edge of the pool. She thought to call out to him, but was suddenly reminded of the incident in Lothering, when their "joining" had worked in their favor. She wondered if she might be able to "speak" to him yet again in that manner.

_Like what you see?_

Alistair almost jumped at the words, thinking someone might have snuck up behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, he realized he was alone. He frowned and muttered, "What - ?"

_I know you are watching me …._

It suddenly dawned on him what was happening and why. Smiling to himself, he thought, _So beautiful…._

Shastaryn heard him inside her head and blushed, her head lowering of its own accord in embarrassment. He'd caught her at her own game. Sighing, she began turning in the water to face ….

Alistair was standing directly in front of her, water reaching to his waist, his chest bare and his arms reaching out to pull her closer. Shastaryn gasped, crossing her arms in front of her. She instinctively glanced down and away from his eyes, then realized that he, too, was as unclothed as she was and her gaze flew back up to meet his.

Alistair was proud of the fact that he didn't let his embarrassment get the best of him this time. He stepped towards her, lowered his lips to kiss her forehead, and murmured near her ear, "You walk a dangerous path, my friend."

Shastaryn smiled a bit shyly. "It's not so dangerous when you are with someone you trust … with your life."

Alistair nodded. He leaned forward to take her lips in his in a gentle kiss, feeling her lean into him, sliding her arms up, around his shoulders. He felt her bare skin pressing against his, felt the kiss growing more heated, more demanding … and he knew he had to stop. Lifting his head, he discovered that her breathing as ragged as his, and told her hoarsely, "We have to stop."

Shastaryn nodded absently acknowledging the words, knowing that he was right, but silently groaning because a part of her that she hadn't realized was so strong didn't want to stop. Ultimately, though, she knew that Alistair was right. She turned away from him and said softly, "Go. I'll be a long in a bit."

His hand rested upon her shoulder, but she shrugged it off. _Please, Alistair,_ she pleaded silently. _I trust you, but you know it's too soon … for the both of us._ She felt his hand drop then as he turned away. She remained facing away from him, determined not to embarrass him and to hide the tears that had started trickling down her face. She had no doubts now that she was coming to care a great deal for him, but she was also aware that things would have to progress slowly for the both of them; he being raised in the Chantry, she having more recent issues to deal with.

Once Shastaryn felt his presence had departed the area, she peeked over her shoulder to be sure before turning to leave the water. She dressed quickly and started heading back towards camp. Dinner had to be tended and she needed to find some time alone to think.


	11. Denerim Errands

_ All right, here we have the first visit to Denerim. I know it seems like a lot is going on and not much talking or interacting, and you would be right! I have a lot to get done here in a short amount of time, and most of it we know about anyway, so I'm just setting up the next part of the story. However, there are a couple of things here as far as relationship building goes that I wanted to be sure to get in._

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As they neared Denerim's Market District, it was all Shastaryn could do to keep moving forward, one foot after another. The last time she was in this city, she was forced to flee to save her own life; an outlaw. And, though she returned as a Grey Warden, through Loghain's deceit she still was to be pegged as an outlaw. So it was with great unease that Shastaryn led her companions into the city, _her_ city, exposing them all to danger.

So nervous was she that Shastaryn almost didn't hear Leliana's accented tones announcing, "There. That is Marjolaine's house. Since we are here, I think we should end this once and for all."

From the moment that Leliana had told her of her _real_ background, of being trained as a bard and then betrayed by the woman who had taught her, Shastaryn knew that she would help her friend end this threat. At first, as Leliana was telling her the tale, Shastaryn had felt angry, betrayed herself. However, when she listened … really listened to what the Orlesian was saying, Shastaryn heard what wasn't being said. By the time Leliana had completed her story, Shastaryn felt their relationship changing … for the better. She knew that the absolute trust she was requiring of Alistair, had now been reached with Leliana as well.

Snapping out of her memories, Shastaryn glanced over at Alistair, a bit of a question in her look. He nodded once, firmly. He was in. When she glanced at Zevran, she saw his usual saucy smirk, but she also saw something else. What it was, she wasn't quite sure yet, though she suspected that given time and a deeper friendship, perhaps she might be able to figure him out. At any rate, he nodded in agreement to her unasked question. Turning back to Leliana, Shastaryn murmured, "Lead on, Leli."

It was only a matter of minutes later that the foursome left the house, closing the door behind them. The never ending threat to Leliana had been ended – Shastaryn and Alistair had seen to that – but Leliana seemed to be distraught even though she had known it would be necessary. When Shastaryn neared her friend and was about to speak, Leliana begged, "Later. We'll talk later, all right?" Shastaryn could do nothing but agree with the request.

This accomplished, Shastaryn turned her attention to her fellow Warden. Giving him a smile, she asked, "Shall we go and find your sister now?"

"What?" he asked, pausing his stride in surprise at the soft enquiry. "Maker! I didn't think we'd … I mean, what if I don't – or she doesn't …."

Shastaryn gave him a smile of encouragement. "You won't know for sure until you talk with her, will you?"

Alistair blushed slightly, and tried to gather his thoughts. "Right." He straightened, then turned towards her and said, "Okay, let's go."

Shastaryn had a quick, quiet word with Zevran, asking him to watch out for Leliana while she and Alistair made the side trip. He nodded, and turned to follow the pretty red-head who had begun to wander off in the direction of the market stalls.

As Shastaryn exited the building a short time later, she felt her heart breaking for Alistair. He looked so … confused, bewildered, almost despondent.

For herself, Shastaryn was ready to spit nails. Not because of the derogatory nature in which the woman inside had treated her: Having been raised in the Alienage all her life, Shastaryn had come to expect that from the shemlen with very few exceptions.

No, Shastaryn was ready to charge back into the house and beat some sense into the harpy because of her callous attitude towards her younger brother. It was clear that all the woman was interested in was any financial gain she could get from a brother who was the son of a king and a Grey Warden to boot.

However, Shastaryn knew that her reaction would only hurt Alistair more than Goldanna's attitude, so she tamped it down, swallowing it. After a moment, she pulled Alistair aside to speak with him privately until she was sure he was all right to continue with their errands this day.

They soon moved on, making their way towards the market stalls where Leliana and Zevran were still inspecting the items for sale. The look of a lost little girl that had been plaguing Leliana since the visit to Marjolaine's appeared to be on the wane. The bard was now more interactive, and with Zev which in itself was an interesting development, Shastaryn thought, particularly since Leliana had admitted to Shastaryn once that Zevran's approach was too flamboyant for her tastes.

Once the group had been rejoined, Shastaryn said, "I think we should find Brother Genitivi now and get our visit here done with before we are discovered." No one argued with that.

On the way to Genitivi's house, two things happened. First, they ran into Sergeant Kylon, of the Denerim city guards, who spoke with them briefly. Shastaryn had been afraid they were about to be arrested, but after a brief discussion in which Kylon assured her that he had no such intentions, he offered them an opportunity to make a few coins. As they needed the money for supplies, and they had some time to spare that afternoon, Shastaryn agreed and their course was set.

The second incident occurred as they were walking away from the Sergeant and on towards Brother Genitivi's house. Shastaryn noticed the gate to the Alienage nearby and decided to head in that direction so that they could make a brief stop. She felt guilty as she had not once contacted her family since her departure, and she wanted to assure them of her safety.

However, once they reached the gate, they found it barred and guarded by one of Kylon's men who informed them that there had been an uprising in the Alienage and that it was closed off from outsiders for the time being. Disappointed, Shastaryn led the others to retrace their steps back to the market, pausing only for the briefest of moments when Alistair spotted a sign calling for Grey Warden supporters.

The located the house belonging to the Chantry brother and entered to discover that he was not present and was not expected for quite some time. As Alistair and Leliana spoke with his assistant, Weylon, Shastaryn glanced at Zev. The assassin had been silent throughout most of the discussion, and she was beginning to wonder why. Usually, he wouldn't stop talking, particularly if he had the opportunity to embarrass someone with his usual sexual banter. Shastaryn was about to question him when Weylon began attacking the foursome. Though the attack was unexpected, it didn't take long for them to defeat him.

Now, exiting the Brother's house, Shastaryn was working overtime to keep her anger in check. The thought that this weaselly little man had been sending unknowing men, starting with Brother Genitivi and including several knights of Redcliffe it seemed, turned her stomach.

Zevran was the first to notice their fearless leader's current state. With an elbow to Alistair's ribs, and an internal chuckle of delight at the indulgence and Alistair's reaction, he gestured towards a nearby tavern.

"Perhaps we ought to take a bit of a break," Alistair suggested while rubbing at the abused area, "and have a drink?"

Shastaryn was pulled from her thoughts. Glancing at the building she shook her head. "No. Let's just go to The Pearl and complete the job Kylon gave us. Then we can head back to camp."

* * *

_**A/N:**__ in case you are wondering, this is the point where the story __**The Rules of the Game**__ comes in. My idea is this: They have been in Denerim most of the morning and early afternoon. They go to the Pearl, do the job Kylon asked of them and then face Paedan and Shaevra. After that, they return to camp (having that cut scene with Kylon in a back alley on their way out of town). The next morning they come back into Denerim to speak with Kylon again, in which the chapter __**Row Your Boat**__ of __**the Barkeep Diaries**__ occurs (That is how we get Leliana switched out for Wynne). I promise, I'm sincerely trying to keep my timeline in check! _


	12. Brother Mine

_ I just want to say that I realize Alistair doesn't announce his royal parentage until the party reaches Redcliffe. As I'm having them get to Redcliffe much later in the story, I had to play with the time frame a bit, and he will be announcing it here. What better place than at the site of his brother's funeral and the retrieval of Maric's sword?_

_

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_

Shastaryn knew this day was going to be difficult for her and her companions from the moment that Elric Maraigne had asked them to return to Ostagar to do right by King Cailan. Until this very moment though, as she, Wynne, Rafion and Alistair stood before the pyre watching the flames lovingly take Cailan's body to where his soul had traveled months before, she had not realized just how difficult it would be. It went beyond the battles with darkspawn, ogres and such. It was more than the memories that remained as the party made their way through familiar grounds. It was hard and painful, and by the expressions on her companions' faces, including Rafion's, Shastaryn knew that it would only get worse before it got better. They were facing an enemy more dangerous than darkspawn here: they were facing memories.

The foursome had completed their original mission: to find the king's personal letters between him and the Empress Celene of Orlais and had retrieved King Maric's sword, a sword now claimed by Alistair. Along the way, they had found the body of King Cailan strewn up on some primitive darkspawn display in the center of the bridge between the main camp and the Tower of Ishal. Additionally, after facing the monstrous ogre that had killed both Duncan and Cailan, reborn thanks to the workings of an emissary, Duncan's weapons were found. These, she had kept at Alistair's insistence. Later, Shastaryn knew that as she and Alistair said their goodbyes to their former king, they were also paying respects to the former Warden Commander who had, either in his ultimate wisdom or simply by pure chance, brought the two of them together.

Shastaryn was aware when Wynne stepped back from the flames, choosing to sit for a time and rest. In response she saw that Rafion followed, ever the protector and the elf maiden had to smile. The hound was proving to be even more reliable than she had ever hoped to imagine. She'd heard stories in her youth about the mabari, about their undying loyalty and their intelligence, but until she had experienced that first hand, she hadn't really _understood_ it.

Shastaryn straightened, now standing tall, firm. She was a Warden, and subject to no king, yet she admired this man whose journey to the beyond was finally being made. She was a Warden by chance not by choice, yet she knew her duty. This man had known duty as well and, she suspected, had known that this battle had been a lost cause. Yet he'd fought, he'd tried to make a difference. And, in the end, he'd made the ultimate sacrifice. She could see the similarities between their positions, and her thoughts drifted to the Grey Warden motto: _In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice._ Cailan Theirin may not have been a Grey Warden himself, but it seemed he had lived by the same motto.

Shastaryn felt a movement against her left hand and glanced down as Alistair's calloused fingers intertwined with hers. Squeezing gently, she took his and offered what comfort she could. She knew that, despite the months since the first battle at Ostagar, he was still healing. She was able to see that, for the moment at least, he was dealing with it as well as could be expected and certainly better than he had the last time they had been here.

It was hours later, as the last of the flames began to die out, that Shastaryn turned to Alistair. "You should really go and set up camp so Wynne can get some rest. I'll wait here until things have cooled," she promised.

"I think –"

Shastaryn placed a hand on his arm and squeezed tightly, firmly. "Please," she told him. "Let me do this. I owe him too."

Alistair searched her gaze and saw the strength he had come to rely upon since their journey began. "Right," he replied with a heavy sigh.

* * *

Shastaryn followed Alistair's path not much more than two hours later after allowing the ashes to cool and filling three small leather pouches. She arrived to find not only that camp had been established, but dinner had been made. She saw no sign of Wynne, and assumed the woman had simply eaten and gone to bed. Shastaryn realized that this journey had to be difficult for the mage as well, and wondered how many friends Wynne had lost in the battle.

She took a seat beside Alistair and accepted a bowl of … _something _from him. She decided it was safer not to know, and simply shoveled the food into her mouth. Thankfully, it was bland enough she could eat and swallow it without gagging.

After a time, and on her second bowl of mystery food, she asked, "Alistair? Are you all right? You are awfully quiet tonight." She wondered if his thoughts were drifting back to Duncan once more. It was hard not to, given the current situation, yet Alistair had been making such good progress recently ….

Alistair had been staring into the fire, drinking tea when she spoke. It took him a moment to return to the present. "I … will be fine," he assured her. "I was just thinking… remembering actually." He stopped speaking and turned to look at her.

Shastaryn sensed he wanted to speak with her and was puzzled as to why he would suddenly stop now. "What is it?" she asked. When still he hesitated, she reached up and touched the area around her mouth. "What? Do I have food on my face or something?" She saw this produced a slight grin. Reaching out, she touched his hand. "Alistair, what's going on?"

"I-I need to talk to you about something," he finally managed.

In the firelight, she could see that his face was reddening…. _He's embarrassed_, she thought. _But, why?_ "All right," she returned, setting her bowl aside and turning to give him her full attention. "What is it?"

Alistair swallowed hard, struggling to find the words. "You remember how I told you that I was a bastard, raised by Arl Eamon?" he asked in a rush.

Shastaryn nodded. "Yes, I remember."

He bit the corner of his lip. "Well," he continued, slowing now as he neared the crux of the matter, "that wasn't entirely accurate."

Shastaryn's eyebrow rose. "Really? How do you mean?"

"I mean that I am actually the bastard son of King Maric and a serving wench at Redcliffe castle. King Cailan was my … half-brother, I suppose."

Shastaryn was surprised. It took her a few moments to realize the import of his words. "So then," she finally managed, her mind still reeling at his revelation, "you're a royal bastard?"

Alistair was surprised by her response and couldn't hold back a laugh. "You know, that's good. I'll have to use that sometime," he told her with a half smile.

Shastaryn looked into his eyes to see the flickering flames of firelight dancing in reflection. The old insecurities were still there, she could see them, but so was something else. That something else was what drove her to push him now. "So," she continued, "what does that … mean? For you, that is. Are you in line for the throne?"

Alistair's eyes closed and he whispered, "Maker's breath, I hope not!" He stood suddenly and began pacing back and forth. His sudden movement caused Rafion to rise up from his position on the other side of the fire, instantly alert. Shastaryn quickly signaled him that all was okay.

"Well," Shastaryn began, rising to her feet so that they would be relatively close to eye-level for this conversation, "it seems to me that if you are the only living relation to Maric and Cailan, that would make you next in line for the throne. Yes?"

Alistair groaned, covering his face with his hands. "I don't want to be king," he muttered.

Shastaryn reached out to pull his hands down. "Alistair," she told him, "think about it. Right now Loghain has essentially turned himself into king. Even if he wasn't the issue, Anora would be. Either way, they are not of the royal bloodline – _**you**_ are."

Alistair shook his head. "I _**can't**_ be king, Shasta!" he told her almost frantic in his denial. "I can't even lead a group of adventurers trying to defeat a Blight!"

Shastaryn took a step towards him and lifted a hand to his face. Framing his cheek, she waited for him to look into her eyes. "I will agree that you are more comfortable as a follower. That is plain enough to see. However," she continued, watching as he tried to fight away the panic that was beginning to overwhelm him, "I have seen you take charge and do a lot of good. I think you would be a much better king than you give yourself credit for."

"Name one time!" he challenged, unwilling to believe her. He felt a fear, a sense of panic rising within him at the thought. "I know you can't because every time I take command, bad things happen … people end up wounded or dying … and I end up without –"

"In Lothering, when you came to rescue me," she told him firmly.

Alistair's breath caught. Of all the things she could have told him, this one was not even on the list. "But, Shasta -"

Shastaryn pulled him back down to the log they used as a bench earlier. She straddled the log and had him sit the same so that they faced each other and could look eye to eye. "In Lothering," she repeated her voice strong, adamant, "you did take charge. You did what had to be done. You made command decisions. You found me –"

"I was too late," he reminded her in a low, pain-filled voice.

Shastaryn now realized that he was still carrying around guilt for that. Leaning forward, she insisted fiercely, "You were right on time! You view it as a failure because they were able to abuse me, yes?" He nodded. "I view it as a success because I know that they would have killed me if you hadn't killed them first."

Alistair lifted his chin to stare at her, allowing himself to really believe her, _trust her_, for the first time since that day. "I-"

Shastaryn reached out to trace the planes of his face with her fingertips. "I know what would have happened, Alistair," she whispered. "I've seen it happen before … to women from the Alienage. I have no doubt in my mind what would have come next for me had you not shown up when you did." She leaned closer and kissed his lips lightly. "You didn't _fail_ me, Alistair, you _saved_ me!"

Alistair groaned at the touch of her lips against his. _Maker's breath! _he thought inwardly. He lifted his hands to her, pulling her closer to him, angling her head so that their kiss could deepen …

Shastaryn was constantly amazed at the … power that seemed to emanate between them each time they kissed. She had been kissed before, by boys when she was younger, but nothing had ever felt like this! And each time they kissed, their reactions seemed to intensify, as if trying to tell them to ….

Suddenly, knowing that this was neither the time nor the place, she wrenched her lips away from his and pulled back from him, her breath coming in huge gasps. "Sssorry," she finally managed in a hoarse voice.

Alistair leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes tightly and calling upon all of the Templar training he had ever had to help him bring his body under control. "Shasta –"

She shook her head, rising to her feet quickly. "Nope. My fault. I'll take first watch tonight."

Alistair watched her walk away from him. He suspected he could guess at why she had reacted the way she just did. Maker only knew he would probably have done the same. Sighing, he grabbed the dirty bowls and utensils and went to clean them before laying down to rest. It had been a very long day. And tomorrow promised to be longer as they had to catch up with the others on their way to Haven.


	13. One Night Together

_Okay, heads up: this is THE TENT SCENE! You have been warned. Most of the dialogue is from the game with some minor alterations, additions and adjustments. I've tried to keep it respectful. _

_Big thanks to Erynnar and her support during the writing of this chapter! [My bat is at the ready the next time the self-doubt goblins show up!] I hope this meets with your approval! And to Piceron – didn't we have that discussion a few days ago? =D See, even I get hit with self doubt sometimes! Thanks to all who have reviewed, favorited and added this story and my others to your lists – I am truly humbled! _

_ As usual, Bioware is king of the playground … I'm just here to play with their toys!_

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Shastaryn exited her tent, having traded out her armor for her usual leggings and tunic earlier that evening. They had made camp shortly after visiting in the town of Honnleath. While she, Alistair, Wynne and Rafion had been at Ostagar, the others had come across a trader from Orlais who had given them a control rod to a golem, or so he said. Curious as to the benefits of having a golem, Shastaryn had agreed that they must investigate the village when since they would be going right past it. As a result, they had rescued villagers from darkspawn, a little girl from a desire demon in the guise of a cat (Rafion had no end of fun tormenting the creature before it was destroyed), and adopting a giant golem names, of all the silly things, _Shale_, and who had developed free will. All in all, a profitable venture, or so she tried to convince herself.

Now, stepping outside her shelter, Shastaryn rose to her feet in a graceful manner and began walking towards the camp fire. She found only Alistair remaining, as the others had wandered off after the evening meal. Smiling at him, she glanced at the space next to him and waited for his approval before seating herself. She found he was drinking some tea and reading a book, though he closed it so quickly and set it aside as she approached that she could not see what it was. When she took her seat, she was pleasantly surprised when he handed her a second cup of tea he had set aside. "Thank you," she murmured.

Alistair smiled at her, nudging the tome away from them with the toe of his boot.. "I thought you might like it," he replied innocently.

They sat in silence for a time, simply enjoying each other's company. Shastaryn thought perhaps something might be wrong after a while though, when she noticed him flinching any time she would move even the slightest bit while sitting next to him. Finally she could take it no more and asked, "Alistair, is something wrong?"

He shook his head at first, but said nothing. Shastaryn glanced at him, concerned. She was about to ask him again when he finally spoke up. "All right. I guess I really don't know how to ask you this…."

Shastaryn noted the beads of moisture across his upper lip, his forehead. "Are you sweating?" she asked.

"No!" he insisted immediately. He swiped his arm across his lip and discovered the dampness on his shirt sleeve and then laughed a bit nervously saying, "I mean yes. I mean … I'm a little nervous, sure. Not that this is anything bad or frightening or …." He sighed, desperately wishing the ground would simply open up and swallow him right about now. "Well, yes."

Alistair wouldn't look at her, simply fidgeting with his cup, now empty, and finally muttering, "Oh, how do I say this? You'd think it would be easier, but every time I'm around you, I feel as if my head's about to explode. I can't think straight."

Shastaryn reached out a hand to touch his arm, murmuring reassuringly, "Alistair, I feel the same way."

Alistair snorted in nervous laughter. "Well, I hope you mean the head exploding thing in a good way," he joked, still staring at his feet. He was rewarded with a giggle, a sound he didn't think he'd ever heard from her before but one that put him at ease, if only a little. Finally, he lifted his gaze to hers, daring to look directly at her as he spoke because he knew how important this conversation would be, and despite her reaction, whether she agreed or not, he wanted to be open and honest with her. "Here's the thing, Shasta: being near you makes me crazy, but I can't imagine being without you. Not ever."

Sighing heavily, he turned so that they were facing each other. Reaching out he took her hand in his, setting her cup aside for the moment. Squeezing her hands lightly, he continued, "I don't know how to say this any another way. I want to spend the night with you. Here, in camp. Maybe this is too fast, I don't know, but… I know what I feel…."

Shastaryn was not too surprised at his words. He knew what had happened to her, how she had been hurt, and yet he still cared about her… enough, at any rate, to want to pursue a relationship with her. He was not the like the men who had attacked her, he was kind and good hearted, a _gentle_man … so different from the shemlen that she had known before leaving the Alienage and certainly different than those she'd run into in Lothering. She knew this, just as she knew this particular conversation had been destined to happen at some point … ever since their first kiss. Looking deep into his eyes for the truth, for she had learned how to read this man, Shastaryn asked softly, "You want to spend the night? With me? Are you sure, Alistair? Are you sure this is what you really want?"

Alistair nodded firmly, his gaze still locked onto hers. He had no hesitations now. For good or ill, he was committed to this path. "I wanted to wait for the perfect time, the perfect place… but when will it be perfect? If things were, we wouldn't even have met." He lifted her hand to his lips, brushing a kiss along her knuckles. "We sort of … stumbled into each other, and despite this being the least perfect time, I still found myself falling for you in between all the fighting and everything else. I really don't want to wait anymore, Shasta. I've … I've never done this before… You know that. But, I want it to be with you… while we have the chance. In case …."

Not wanting him to finish that last thought, she covered his lips with her fingers briefly and then asked in a soft voice, "You want to be with me even though I'm an elf?"

Alistair's smile was complete, reaching into his amber depths as he leaned forward and gave her a quick but thorough kiss on her lips. "Especially because of that," he murmured near her ear.

Shastaryn felt her heart swelling at his words, and she whispered back, "Oh, Alistair, I thought you'd never ask!"

Rising to his feet, Alistair pulled her up beside him, kissing her lightly before leading her across camp to his tent where he followed her inside, closing the flaps behind him to ensure their privacy.

Inside the tent, they turned immediately towards each other, though on their knees due to the low ceiling. Now that they were out of sight of the prying eyes of the others, he captured her lips fiercely, expressing so much more than he could even begin to say with just words. He tried to slow down, not wanting to frighten her at all, yet her reactions seemed to only encourage him more.

Shastaryn knew that she was ready for this. The events of Lothering seemed ages ago and the feelings that Alistair stirred inside of her certainly cleansed her of any lingering doubts. And, if the increasing intensity of their kisses meant anything, …. She smiled slightly to herself as that thought trailed off.

They had to break apart after only a few moments, the kiss between them so strong that both had to labor to catch their breaths. As they struggled, their eyes connected – green and caramel – and an understanding rose between them, unspoken. Alistair reached out, placing his large calloused hands at her hips, drawing her close until their bodies were touching through their clothes. Shastaryn groaned as his fingers moved beneath her tunic, skimming across her bare skin like a whisper. As his touch moved from place to place, she felt her body's instinctive reaction, her breathing remaining jagged, … her pulse quickening to a rate that under other circumstances might make her believe that her life was ending.

Alistair slid his hands up her ribcage, beneath her tunic still, until they reached her breasts, his touch growing bolder, stronger, even through the clothing that remained. "Maker's Breath!" he heard her gasp in astonishment as his thumb caressed her nipple through the fabric of her breastband. He chuckled deeply as she used his favorite exclamation. He leaned forward and captured her lips briefly before moving them down her neck, nudging the wide neck of the tunic away from her skin and over the shoulder so he could reach the tender places hidden there, all the while his touch still creating havoc through the fabric.

Shastaryn felt his tongue flick against the side of her neck, in the space between her neck and shoulder blade, and felt her body tremble so violently she thought she might fall over …. "Alistair …?"

Alistair raised his head so that their foreheads met, taking a moment to calm himself and slow down. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her. "Sorry," he breathed raggedly.

Shastaryn shook her head, reaching with her hands to keep him looking directly at her. "No – no apologies," she told him. She swallowed hard, taking in huge draughts of air. She reached up with her left hand and began playing with some of the short lengths of his hair near the base of his neck, and was surprised at his sudden gasp. She started to pull back, but he was quicker and grasped her at her wrist, returning her hand to its exploration.

Alistair had been amazed at the jolt of sexual tension that had sliced through him at her touch. When she pulled back, he had seen that she thought he was rejecting her touch, but he rushed to reassure her that was not the case. Once he had her convinced, he lowered his hand back to her tunic and began lifting it ever so slowly.

Shastaryn allowed him to remove the garment, shrugging it off her shoulders in a graceful motion. After he set it aside, she reached tentatively towards his own, touching it lightly near the hem, but saying nothing. Alistair saw her blush slightly, and couldn't help but smile. She was just as nervous as he was! He grasped the hem of his shirt, and in a quick motion stripped it over his head and tossed it on top of hers. He watched her stare at his chest, reaching out hesitantly, tracing its shape, the muscles, the strength that she found there. Leaning forward, Shastaryn inhaled his scent, a mixture of soap and leather and his own natural muskiness.

At the same time, Alistair reached out and found the clip that held her long red tresses up. It amazed him that hair as long and thick as hers could be held into place by one small clasp. Releasing it, he watched as her locks tumbled down her back, over her shoulders and nearly reached her waist. He couldn't help himself after a moment, so entranced was he, and reached out to run his hands through the heaviness. He heard her chuckle softly and glanced down to see her watching his face closely. Smiling sheepishly, he began to pull away. "No," she breathed. "I don't mind."

Alistair pulled her close, turning her slightly so that she was sitting on his lap, and he began running his fingers through her hair. He watched her smile at the touch, a truly deep and complete smile, perhaps the first since he had met her.

Shastaryn reached for one of his hands after a moment and brought it to her chest. Placing his hand so that it cupped her breast, she whispered, "Touch me …." She felt his thumb immediately begin worrying the nipple through her small clothes and was amazed at just how erotic the sensation was.

As he touched her, Alistair felt her reactions to his touch, felt his own body reacting to hers. Shastaryn's gasps were something so delightful and sweet that he thought he might remember it for the remainder of his days. And then ….

_Oh, my love!_

Alistair knew he shouldn't be surprised. This connection they shared was special, unique … and showed up at the most interesting times!

Shastaryn pushed away from him for a moment, on the edge of something greater than she had ever imagined could exist between two people. "N-not yet," she gasped, pleading. She looked into his eyes, desperate to make him understand. "Not without you!"

_I will be with you, my love_, he promised silently. He reached out to gently push her long waves away from her face.

Shastaryn realized then that their connection was … growing? Strengthening? She shook her head, not really caring at that moment, just thankful that she and Alistair could communicate on multiple levels. She now removed the rest of her clothing before kneeling in front of him. Swallowing past a growing lump of emotion in her throat, she managed to croak out, "Alistair?"

Alistair leaned towards her, gently pushing her back against the bedroll. He touched her face, tracing its shape with his calloused fingers. He chuckled when he heard her gasp, felt the electrical jolt that danced between them. He leaned over to kiss her lips before trailing his kisses all over her body. He watched her, felt her body responding to him, his touch. He heard her soft cries and continued on.

Shastaryn glanced out through half lidded eyes to see him removing the remainder of his clothing. With a sigh, she felt him slide up against her small frame, the heat from his touch searing into her soul. She reached out to run her fingers against his arms, his chest … reveling in the feel of the soft padding of his muscles. He kissed a trail up her belly, her breasts, her neck until he reached her lips. She swallowed hard, feeling the intensity of his gaze as he lifted his head towards hers. _Alistair?_

He locked his gaze onto hers. _Now?_ He watched as she slowly, shyly, nodded, moving slightly so that he could gain access.

Her eyes closed tightly as she felt him change positions. It felt like a giant body hug! When Alistair began chuckling and lowered his forehead to hers to pause for a moment, Shastaryn's eyes flew open. Worriedly, she looked up at him, afraid she'd done something wrong.

"A 'giant body hug?'" he murmured near her ear, his grin even reaching the tone of his voice.

Shastaryn blushed then, realizing what she'd done. She saw him smile at her, reassuringly, and she felt whatever tensions had been plaguing her finally erode. "Ali-"

He shook his head, kissing her softly. "No apologies, remember?" he told her. He lifted himself over her, his weight on his arms as he looked down into her eyes.

Shastaryn sighed and nodded, all thoughts fleeing then as he began to rekindle the flames that had been licking at her body all evening.

* * *

"Tell me something?" Shastaryn queried a long while later, snuggled against Alistair's larger frame and enjoying the closeness that they now shared. She loved the feel of his body wrapped around her, skin touching skin, providing her with warmth, protection and … _peace._

"Hmm?" he responded, leaning down near her ear. "…. Something …."

Shastaryn giggled, knowing that if he was joking around, he was comfortable and at ease with what had just happened between them. She knew that she was feeling the same thanks to him and his longstanding patience. _Speaking of patience …._ "How does a Chantry boy know how to do … _that_?"

"What? _This?_" he teased, touching her in several places he knew would cause a reaction. Alistair couldn't contain a deep laugh at the question either. "Well," he told her, his hands still touching her lightly, running up and down her legs, her arms, her breasts … but always ending up tangled in her hair, "I may have been raised in the Chantry, but I never said I wasn't … educated!"

Shastaryn turned her head to look at him. "What do you mean?"

Grinning, he informed her, "Boys talk. Books abound, those that are hidden as well as those in the library …."

Shastaryn smiled at the thought of Alistair as a teenaged young man going through books on love, sex and women. Reaching up to trace his ear with her fingertip, she murmured, "Aren't I lucky then to be associated with such an _educated_ man!"

Alistair laughed, reveling in the new direction of their relationship. Then he sighed. He didn't want to break the moment, but he knew they would have to be up soon for their turn at watch. Leaning down near her ear, he murmured, "Hmmm. You know, according to all the sisters at the monastery, I should have been struck by lightning by now."

Shastaryn sighed happily, chuckling while snuggling her body further into the curves of his. "It could still happen, you know," she returned saucily. "I guess I'll have to watch your back during watch duty tonight! You know, just in case!"

Chuckling, Alistair pulled her slight frame tight against him, nuzzling her neck once more. "Now, how will that work, I wonder, as I'll be watching your beautiful back?" he replied. "Besides, if you get hit by the lightning **afterwards** it hardly seems like an effective deterrent."

Shastaryn laughed, feeling his hands touching her all over, lightly, no demands just the newness and pleasure of being together…. Smiling to herself, she thanked whatever gods there were for this man and his presence in her life.

Alistair felt her turn in his arms so that he could look into her eyes. What he saw in them amazed him, humbled him … and frightened him as well. Pushing the fear aside for the moment, he reached out and pushed some of her loose waves back behind her ear yet again. "You do realize the rest of our little party here is going to talk, right? They do that."

Shastaryn reached up towards his face, tracing the shape of his ear again with her fingertip and relishing in his slight shiver at her touch. It seemed that his ears were as sensitive as hers to that type of touching. Smiling, she murmured, "First smart comment by any of them and I will feed them to the darkspawn."

Alistair's laugh warmed her soul. "See?" he told her. "This is why I love you." He leaned forward and kissed her once more. Sighing in contentment, he continued, "So… what now? Where do we go from here?"

Shastaryn immediately replied, "We stay together, no matter what happens."

Alistair smiled at that. "Right," he replied. "I can handle that. I hope." He moved to a sitting position, turning to look down at her, admiring all that he saw. When she moved to sit beside him, the bedding falling to her waist, he couldn't hold back the shiver of desire that ran though him simply at the sight of her. He knew that she felt it, too, as her eyes darted up to his, a question there. Managing to control himself, he simply placed his arms around her, holding her close for a long moment and hoping that would hold him until the next time they could find a moment together.

Reluctantly, Alistair reached out for their clothing, handing over the items belonging to her and managing to find his own in the pile they had made. Once dressed, he reached out and caught her arm. "Before we go," he told her, "have I told you that I love you? I did? Well, it won't kill you to hear it again, will it?"

Shastaryn smiled and looked into his eyes. "I love you, too, Alistair," she replied softly.

Alistair's smile broadened. "See? Was that so hard?"

Shastaryn leaned over and kissed him. "Meet me back here after watch?" she asked, unsure if he would want her beside him the rest of the night or not.

Alistair handed her the clip for her hair and watched her twist it up quickly and bind it as he replied, "I wouldn't have it any other way, my love."


	14. Three Rogues & a Tank

_The title of this chapter requires some explanation. I was playing my game one afternoon when my son came in and planted himself down to watch (thankfully I was just fighting darkspawn at the time and heading to Haven, not to camp for a personal moment with Alistair!) Anyway, he looked at my party and said, "Ah, you have three rogues and Alistair." I, in my infinite wisdom, replied, "Yes, 3 rogues and a tank." To which he looked at me, and I looked at him and (I kid you not – this really happened!) we both said at the same time "Three Rogues and a Tank" – what a great name for a band on Rock Band! So, in honor of that idea, and once I started working on my stories, he asked if I would use it as a story title. I told him I would. Unfortunately, I never got inspired for a whole story about three rogues and a tank, so here it is … the title of the chapter … and he is thrilled!_

_ Thanks to all who have been adding me to their alerts and favorites! I'm deeply humbled that you enjoy my drivel so much! Also, thank you for the reviews! It's nice to know someone is out there humoring me in my attempts to be an author! LOL! Really, I do appreciate it – it makes me a better writer._

_ =D Enough talk, more story, I know!_

_

* * *

_

Shastaryn could hear the muffled sounds of weapons and armor behind her as she moved further into the back room. _The man is hiding something_, she mused. _But, what?_ Rounding a corner, she examined each nook and cranny that she came across, opened every last chest. Moments later, she had her answer… and nearly lost the contents of her stomach at the same time.

Alistair and Zevran removed the shopkeeper's body behind the counter so that it was out of eyesight. Leliana was peeking out the window, keeping an eye out for anyone who might take more than a casual interest in their visit. She turned and was about to announce that he coast was clear when a pained voice called out, "Alistair?"

Alistair, Leliana and Zevran all turned towards the doorway, finding their leader very pale, but at the same time her eyes flaring with anger. Walking to her side, Alistair reached out and lifted her face so that she was looking into his eyes. What he saw there chilled him, but he silently and willingly followed Shastaryn into the back room leaving Leliana and Zevran where they were.

Leliana gave a questioning look to Zevran who simply shrugged in response. He was about to make a comment when they both heard a loud thud, and the wall behind Zevran shook violently. Immediately, both companions drew their weapons and cautiously followed the path the Wardens had taken only moments before, on alert for any kind of surprise attack.

Shastaryn was leaning against the far wall, her face still pale, but the pure rage in her green depths was even more intense than it had been moments before. Alistair simply looked … defeated. Leliana glanced back at Shastaryn who nodded at the floor by Alistair's feet. At first, Leliana didn't understand. However, she soon recognized the shield, … and the face of the dead man lying at their feet …. "Ser Donall?" she breathed in horror. She had met him when he first arrived in Lothering. He had been very nice, making conversation with her, talking with her about things outside the Chantry. "Oh, Maker no!"

Although he was confused, Zevran remained quiet. It was obvious that the three had met this unfortunate man prior to the Antivan joining their motley group, and he doubted that anything he had to offer at this point would provide solace or comfort.

Alistair suddenly rose to his full height, an aura of violence surrounding him. Shastaryn could see that he was allowing his anger to take over this time and not his grief, thankfully. She also recognized his "threaten" mode and hoped that they ran into some of the people who had done this soon so that his efforts wouldn't be waste. His eyes were now filled with determination as he pushed by the others as if he didn't even see them. It was time to end this. Shastaryn gestured the other two to follow her.

* * *

After the battle ended, Shastaryn began wandering around the Chantry to check for any other traps while her companions disposed of the bodies that lay fallen. She had just returned from a side room when she spotted Alistair in the center of the main hall, a puzzled expression crossing his features. She walked over to his side and touched his arm asking, "What is it?"

Alistair shook his head. "I'm not quite sure," he told her. He pointed his sword and gestured around the room. "Something about this building just isn't … right."

Zevran snorted as he joined them. He'd been checking the bodies of the dead for anything of value and now handed over an amulet of sorts to Shastaryn. "You mean apart from the atmosphere of human sacrifice and holy terror?" he asked flippantly.

Leliana frowned at the elf and hit his arm to get him to be quiet. She too had noticed that something wasn't quite … right, but she was waiting to say something until she had figured it out.

Shastaryn saw that Alistair was completely focused on something as he made no comment or even recognition of Zevran's comment. He seemed to be measuring the left side of the chapel with the right. "What is it, Alistair?" she asked encouragingly.

"It's this … this … this Chantry," he muttered while trying explain what he meant. "Everything within the Chantry, within the Chant of Light is supposed to be … balanced. This place," he gestured around the room, "is not."

"These people were hardly observers of the Chant of Light," Leliana reminded him gently. "There is no reason to believe that they would follow the same tenets."

"No, I know that," he returned glancing at her. "But they would want it to _look_ as if they were to any outsiders who made it this far," he argued. Looking at the others, he added, "Surely we aren't the only ones to have made it _this _far." Alistair began wandering, almost prowling around the room and soon wound up on the right side. He set aside his sword and shield so he could run his hand along the smooth surface of the bricked wall. Compared to the rest of the room, there was a large bare space there that …. Suddenly, and with a grunt of satisfaction, he found what he'd been looking for … and the wall slid out and to the left opening into another space.

Shastaryn's eyes widened as the wall moved sideways. She heard Zevran and Leliana gasp as well, and the three watched as Alistair drew his sword and led the way inside.

Moments later, Shastaryn knelt beside the man they found lying on the floor. It was obvious that he'd been beaten, perhaps even tortured. "Brother Genitivi?" she asked.

The Chantry brother glanced up warily. "They-they haven't sent you to finish me off, have they?"

Shastaryn shook her head, kneeling beside the man. "No, Brother. We came to Haven looking for you. We are searching for the Urn of Sacred Ashes. In our travels, we were told that you could be found here."

Genitivi's eyes lit up at this. "You are searching as well? I know we are close. It's just up the mountain. These people imprisoned me, tortured me because I was close. But I know it is here!"

Shastaryn glanced over her shoulder at Alistair. "Brother," she told him softly, "you are severely injured. We should get you back to Denerim for treatment!"

Genitivi shook his head. "No! My injuries are of no concern. All that matters is the Urn! We are so close! I cannot leave until we find it. If you could just assist me up the mountain ….There is a door to a temple there. That will gain us entrance … and access to the Ashes."

Shastaryn sighed, her gaze dropping to the ground. "Brother –"

Genitivi sat up straighter. "If you could just bandage my foot, I should be fine. We need to get the key from Father Eirik … it was on a chain he wore around his neck…. I've seen it …."

"This chain?" Zevran asked quickly, stepping forward and lifting the item so that the man could see it clearly.

"Yes, yes!" he exclaimed enthusiastically. "It simply needs to be manipulated," he took the item and began twisting and turning it, "like this. And now it can be used on the door into the temple inside the mountain."

Shastaryn closed her eyes and sighed heavily. _Something about this is so wrong!_ she thought. _The man's an invalid … he shouldn't be climbing up mountains! _

She wasn't surprised at all a moment later when she heard Alistair responding, _We'll guide him up the mountain, but we will make him wait for us there. Surely, he'll realize the folly of moving forward with us when we will most likely have other … things, to fight._

Shastaryn smiled. "Alistair," she called over her shoulder, "can you hand me some bandages so I can wrap this foot?" She took the requested items and turned back to the brother, telling him, "Once we get to the temple, you must remain near the entrance. We cannot look for the Ashes and worry about you at the same time."

With an occasional wince due to the pain in his foot, Genitivi nodded. "I suppose you are right on that account," he replied reluctantly. "Perhaps I was never meant to find the Ashes themselves. Perhaps I was only meant to lead you to them…."

* * *

That night they left Brother Genitivi in the entrance to the temple. It was safe enough, better sheltered from the elements and they had given him a small tent they had liberated from the Haven shopkeeper's store earlier. Once the man had been settled, Shastaryn had led her companions to camp at a nearby small cave entrance where they could see the trail up the mountain to the temple. This way, they could make sure no one else from the village who might have remained could sneak up and attack without warning.

While Zevran and Leliana slept that evening, Shastaryn approached Alistair near the fire at the entrance of the cave. She took a seat next to him, pulling a blanket around them both to ward off the chill of the night. "Well done today," she told him sincerely as she snuggled up next to him.

Alistair blushed a bit at the compliment. Glancing down at her, he could see the sincerity in her eyes. "Thanks for letting me work it out," he murmured. "I'm still not quite sure why I noticed it though."

"You were meant to," she told him simply. "And I trusted that you knew what you were about." She watched him glance down at her. "Trust is a two way street, remember? You trust me, and I trust you … like I did the other night …."

Alistair couldn't hide the blush that crept up his neck as he remembered the night they'd spent together. Maker, he hoped they would again … soon! "I trusted you that night as well," he reminded her quietly, leaning down to kiss the top of her head.

After a moment longer, she changed the topic and added, "I'm so sorry about your friend Ser Donall."

Alistair smiled ruefully and shrugged. "We weren't exactly friends or anything," he explained. "I just knew him from my years at Redcliffe."

"But he was a good man, and a faithful servant to Arl Eamon."

Alistair nodded and sighed heavily. "Yes. That he was." Another sigh. "He didn't deserve to die like … like … a sacrificial lamb."

Shastaryn stared into the fire for a time, gathering her thoughts. "You know," she murmured, "we will undoubtedly run into more of these …."

"Dragon cultists?"

Shastaryn nodded slowly, remembering the amulets that most of the people had been wearing when they examined them afterwards. "I guess that's what they are," she agreed. "I wish I understood what that meant. Anyway, I am sure there will be plenty more as we go through the temple tomorrow."

Alistair smiled tiredly down at her. "I've got your back if you have mine," he murmured, his arm finally sliding around her, pulling her close against him.

She smiled and leaned into his embrace. After a moment, she leaned up to kiss him, one of support, encouragement, faith … love. "Always," she promised.


	15. A Test of Faith

_ Thanks to all who are favoriting, alerting, and reading! I am truly humbled!_

_ A shout out to Piceron for noticing something I had totally missed in the previous chapter: The Tank figured out the trick to the wall when there were 3 rogues there! Ah, one of those awesome moments when you know that the Maker has his hand guiding you for a reason! LOL_

_ Hope you are enjoying the story as we move along. I'm struggling a bit with some of the upcoming chapters, so things may or may not slow down until I can get them worked out to my satisfaction. I have at least one more chapter ready to go at the moment, and the one after that partially completed. Pretty soon I may have to slow down even more so I can get to the point in the game where I'm returning to the Alienage (unfortunately deleted the one game (accident!) with my city elf that was almost there! Doh!) and can see how events unfold specific to the city elf._

_ Bioware is the playground king, I'm just a minion having some fun!_

_

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"Hunger."

After successfully answering Cathaire's riddle, Shastaryn heard a loud click. She and the others turned to their left to find that the once locked door now stood opened. The adventurers could now freely pass through the portal to the next stage.

As they began moving through the portal, Alistair could see the form of someone standing at the crossroads ahead of them but he could not identify the woman. She looked very familiar, however and when he heard Shastaryn's sharp gasp in recognition, he realized that the woman was known to her. "Mamae?" she whispered painfully.

"My beautiful girl!"

Stunned for a moment, Alistair watched Shastaryn stumble towards the figure who looked to be an exact replica of Shastaryn, if slightly older. _Red hair, hot temper,_ he thought to himself. Stepping forward, he put his arm around Shastaryn's shoulder to provide support as she walked towards the vision. Shastaryn felt tears running down her face at the image of her mother in front of her. _It has been so long!_

"My darling, girl, you have grown into such a beautiful, strong young woman!" the vision told her.

Shastaryn felt her heart break at her mother's words. _If you only knew! _ "N-not so strong," she choked out, oblivious to her friends standing nearby. "Not when I can't even –"

"Nonsense, daughter," Adaia Tabris said, swiping her hand as if she were wiping her daughter's words away. "You have done always as you should: you protected your family, you protect your companions, you do your duty as you should."

Shastaryn's face fell as she thought of her cousin so far away, so hurt and abused. "No, not always," she whispered painfully.

Adaia turned to face her daughter directly. "Shianni is a strong willed woman such as yourself. You both have suffered at the hands of evil men. But," she added, "you both have learned to heal and move on with your lives. You both still have much to do."

Shastaryn felt Alistair squeeze her shoulder in support. With a quick glance and a partial smile up at him, she told her mother, "Mamae, I don't know if I can …."

Adaia smiled in understanding. "Duty is not an easy burden, my girl, but you have succeeded far beyond anyone's expectations. I have no reason to not expect that you will find your way to continue doing so. After all," she added with a twinkle in her eye, "you are my daughter!" She reached out and handed something to Shastaryn. "Take this, my child. It will help you on your journey. And know this, Shastaryn Källyän Tabris: I am so very, very proud of you!"

Alistair pulled Shastaryn close as the vision disappeared and the young elf began sobbing. He glanced over at Zevran and Leliana who approached slowly, cautiously. They had observed the conversation, heard what was said, and Alistair could see the Antivan making connections that he had before only guessed at. The two men exchanged a look, and Zevran nodded. He agreed: certain lines would not be crossed.

After a long moment leaning into Alistair's shoulder spent pulling herself together, Shastaryn stood up, straightened, wiped the moisture from her face with her hand and righted her armor and weapons. "Right," she finally managed, her voice still hoarse with emotion, but strong and firm nonetheless. "Let's continue on." She glanced at each of her companions, saw that their confidence, their trust in her was sure, complete, and she nodded at each one in turn before leading the group into the next room.

* * *

As they made camp that evening outside of Haven but still well up in the Frostbacks, their two units now reunited, Alistair could sense Shastaryn's withdrawal from him and from everyone else which he suspected was due in large part to what she had encountered during their trip through the Ruined Temple earlier that day. He thought about approaching her, but decided, given that everyone else was around them as well, that he would wait for a more opportune time.

Shastaryn stepped outside of the entrance to the cave that they had located for a shelter for that evening. There was a roaring fire near the entryway, but Shastaryn wasn't interested in a heat source. She was more interested in finding some solitude, but with the ever increasing size of their group and the current location of their camp, she knew it might be a futile effort this evening when she needed it most.

Alistair walked towards the front of the cave, passing Leliana who was preparing their meal. He stopped for a moment, speaking softly, "Shasta?" He set aside some herbs that Wynne had asked him to deliver to the Orlesian.

Leliana nodded towards the cave entrance. "She's just outside to the right," she replied softly. Catching his glance, she asked in concern, "She's been out there quite a while now. Something is wrong?"

Alistair shrugged. "I'm not sure yet," he replied. "I think it might have to do with the Guardian and the tests we faced today, though."

Leliana nodded knowingly. She too had been affected by their shared experiences. Reaching out and patting his arm in solidarity, she told him, "Let me know if I can help, but I suspect right now all she needs is you."

Rising, Alistair nodded and turned in the direction Leliana had indicated.

* * *

Shastaryn barely heard Alistair as he approached given the roaring wind and almost blinding snow. When he neared, she felt a cloak being slid around her shoulders. She glanced over at him, noted that he too wore a cloak with the hood up to protect against the cold and wind. He then reached out to pull the hood over her ears. "Thank you," she murmured loud enough for him to hear.

Alistair nodded, respecting her silence. They stood side by side, savoring the warmth of their cloaks and the warmth from each other. After a while, Alistair ventured, "Don't you think it might be a bit more comfortable inside by the fire?"

Shastaryn smiled behind her hood, but said nothing. Despite being a city elf, she found that she really did enjoy life outside of the city. She oft wondered of late if she might be better off with the Dalish than her own people in the Alienage anymore … except for this blasted freezing and bitter cold. "I wanted some time alone … to myself and my thoughts," she finally replied. When she felt him stiffen, turning to leave, she reached out instantly and grasped unerringly for his arm, pulling him back beside her with a surprising amount of strength and insistence. "That does not mean I want you to leave me," she assured him quickly.

"Ah," he replied, stepping closer until he could at least wrap an arm around her shoulder in an effort to offer her even more warmth.

Shastaryn again smiled to herself and leaned into his embrace. How she loved this man! She knew that he must be concerned about her after the events earlier in the day, but he had not pressured her into any sort of explanation much to her relief.

Alistair felt her turn against him, so that they were face to face. Well, she was facing him, but the top edge of her hood barely reached his nose. Glancing down, he found her looking up at him. "Yes, my love?" He saw her smile at that and he couldn't help but grin. Lifting his hands to her face, he tilted her head up and kissed her. "How can I help?" he asked after a long while, his concern for her obvious.

"You already have," she breathed near his ear, feeling the warmth of his body against hers, feeling her body responding to his closeness. She leaned her head against his chest, slid her hands and arms around his waist. _Alistair …._

Alistair smiled, sensing her needs simply by the way she called to him. He lifted her slightly off the ground, leaning her against the stone behind them. _Here?_ He turned so that his larger frame was protecting her from most of the weather blowing about them.

_Oh, yes!_ Her gaze shot up to catch his now that their faces were level with each other. She raised her hands then to his face, framing it and pulling him to her so that she could catch his mouth with hers.

Alistair was surprised, and thrown a bit off guard, but not unwilling. He leaned forward to deepen the kiss and was rewarded by an intensity such as they had never experienced before ….

* * *

Leliana was at the fire when Zevran approached. "So, my friend …." She looked up at the Antivan who took the space next to her, measuring each move, each position and pose that he made. She could see that he had something planned and she didn't want to be a part of it. Shaking her head, she said simply and adamantly, "No."

Zevran's eyebrow quirked. "An interesting answer to a question not yet asked," he observed, leaning forward towards her.

Leliana chuckled. "Zevran, we are of a kind. I do not need to hear you ask the question. Whatever it may be, the answer is no."

He frowned. "Ah, well, you can't blame a man for asking … or not, as the case may be." He noticed that she laughed with him at that comment. _Perhaps she does not really mean 'no' after all?_ he wondered silently.

Leliana was about to call everyone to the evening meal when she heard a rustle at the entrance to the cave. She glanced up to see Alistair following behind Shastaryn, both with faces reddened from the cold and wind. Her focus narrowed. And then she smiled knowingly, her grin widening as she noticed both of them blushing beneath the red already on their cheeks. Rising to her feet, she rushed to their sides and ushered them towards the fire. "Sit down! Maker's breath, don't you know when to come in from the cold?" she scolded them mockingly, moving to pour some of the already hot water to make tea. "You both look half frozen!"

_She's half right!_

Shastaryn couldn't help but laugh at Alistair's thought. _Sorry, love!_

Alistair reached out for the cup that Leliana handed him before responding, _I'm not sorry at all!_

Shastaryn thanked Leliana when a cup was handed to her. Within moments, they were surrounded by companions, busily eating their evening meal and taking a short while to simply enjoy the time they had together before they had to be back out on the road and fighting a blight.

* * *

**A/N:** Källyän is my spelling version of Kallian from the game. I was looking for something a bit more … unique! Of course, that was my first city elf runthrough before I discovered Shastaryn! =D


	16. Orzamaar and Beyond

_ My inspiration for how Shastaryn feels the darkspawn presence due to the taint in her blood is twofold – first, as she enters Orzamaar, is from the bit of claustrophobia I get when getting on airplanes, entering small rooms, etc. The later bit, when she's actually down in the deep roads, is based on severe sinus/migraine headaches that I tend to get when sudden, drastic changes in the weather move through … pressure building in the sinuses behind the nose, eyes, my ear and increasing until I end up with the whole right side of my head aching, ultra sensitive, almost numb (at its most severe). This is how I would expect her to feel in the deep roads as she travels closer and closer to the darkspawn, to the broodmother. _

_ One technical note: if you see anywhere when I am talking about darkspawn and "gunlocks" appears, I apologize! My computer for some reason is automatically correcting the spelling of "genlocks" into "gunlocks" and I can't get it to stop! I think I've caught them all, but just be aware … and no, the darkspawn do not suddenly have guns!_

_ Thanks to all for reading, favoriting/alerting and reviewing! If you haven't noticed yet (I kind of snuck it in late yesterday!) I started a new story called __**We Do What Must Be Done**__ – a Cousland story about the meeting of Bryce and Eleanor, their background and what leads to their coming together. Please feel free to check it out and let me know what you think!_

_ Bioware rocks the playground and lets me join in for a bit! =D_

_

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The moment they entered the doors to Orzamaar, Shastaryn began to feel as if the walls were closing in around her. At first, when they were in the city itself, the feeling was hardly noticeable. They fought in the Proving to convince Harrowmont they were on his side. They ran "errands" for Harrowmont, aiming to achieve his support, but each time they completed one errand, he would find another for them to complete. Shastaryn began to feel as if they were spinning their wheels, even though Harrowmont said it was all due to Behlen. She really hated politics, and the dwarves seemed to have it down to an art form.

But the longer they remained beneath the ground, the deeper they had to go, the closer they came to the source of the darkspawn, the worse the feeling in her head became. By the time they worked their way past the Legion of the Dead, past Hespith and the broodmother – Laryn, wasn't it? she tried to recall – past all of Caridin's booby traps to find the actual Anvil of the Void, and confront Branka, it was all Shastaryn could do to keep from running away, screaming. The proximity to the darkspawn coupled with their sheer size in numbers, plus the appearance of the archdemon overwhelmed her senses, making it incredibly difficult for her to focus, to lead effectively. The pressure in her head ached, making her feel dizzy … at first. By the time they were in the deep, deep roads, it had progressed to a throbbing sensation which in turn became an almost mind-numbing sensation that was unbearable.

Alistair was aware of Shastaryn's condition and the fact that it was worsening with each step they took. He didn't know why it was affecting her so badly and not him, but assumed it was along the same reasoning for her nightmares being worse than his: she had joined the Grey Wardens during a Blight. From what Duncan had told him in the past, if you joined during a Blight, all bets were off.

Alistair knew the others had noticed as well. Each in their own way tried to help Shastaryn, to make her conditions easier, give her support where they could even in the simplest things, yet given that the source of her problem was due to the taint in her blood, nothing much worked. Wynne and Morrigan tried whatever healing methods they could think of, even working together on a couple of ideas, but none of them worked. Leliana offered what she could, mostly simple, quiet companionship.

Even Zevran offered what he called his "famous" massages, though most of the companions were rather skeptical at his intentions. Oghren, their newest companion and the dwarf escorting them on their campaign into the deep roads, suggested dwarven ale … but the others soon discovered that the ale seemed to be his solution to any issue. Sten simply offered the best he could provide: his protection. When Shastaryn wasn't watching, or was huddled up in her tent, he would place himself on watch as her personal protector, soon joined by Rafion, in the hopes that offering this peace of mind might help. Sadly, though greatly appreciated by the elf, it didn't work either. The best Alistair could provide for her when they would stop was to simply hold her close, making sure she knew that she was not alone.

They were on the way out of the deep roads, returning to Orzamaar with the crown that Caradin had made for Shastaryn to give to whichever candidate she so chose, when Alistair realized that something more than the simple presence of darkspawn was bothering her. They had made camp, setting up tents as they could on the rocky terrain, finding some sort of privacy, when he entered to find Shastaryn curled up in their shared bedroll sobbing softly. He quickly knelt beside her, pulling her close, rocking her as if she were a child in the hopes that it would give her some sort of relief. One drawback to their being in the deep roads was that the mental connection they shared due to the taint seemed to be overpowered by the proximity of so many darkspawn. He switched positions after a bit, lying down beside her, pulling her slight frame close to his, wrapping his arms around her and murmuring softly to her, things he hoped would help her to calm.

Shastaryn felt Alistair's arms around her, felt his closeness, felt the safety and security only he could give her. She knew she was worrying him, knew that there was nothing she could do to reassure him at this point because she was far from being reassured herself.

"One more day and we'll be back in Orzamaar," Alistair told her quietly near her ear. "Then we'll crown Harrowmont, get his and the deshyrs' support, and get out of here."

"Thank the Maker!" she breathed softly in sheer relief. "Alistair …?"

Alistair glanced down to see her burrowing her face into his chest. "Yes, my love?"

She lifted her face, forced herself to look at him. "Promise me something?" She saw him nod. Months ago, shortly after their escape from Ostagar, he had told her the side effects of being a Grey Warden: the nightmares, the shortened life-span, … the Calling. "Right now I don't care what happens to us in the future … whether we stay together or not, … just _please_ promise me I _never_ have to come here again! _When my Calling comes I don't want to come here and take a chance on becoming a … a broodmother for them!_"

Alistair groaned, pulling her closer realizing what the cost of this quest had been. At the time when they discovered Laryn as the broodmother, he hadn't even given it much thought, but she obviously had. He had to wonder silently if that was why there were so few female Grey Wardens …. "I promise," he told her immediately. "You will never have to come back here ever again, my love."

Whether it ended up as a lie or not, Shastaryn didn't care at that point in time. All she cared about at that one moment was that her fears were alleviated and that he meant the words.

* * *

Three days later, after giving Caridin's crown to Harrowmont and restocking their diminishing supplies, the group finally departed Orzamaar. The trip out of the Frostback mountains took them over a week, through a blizzard and just plain cold, brutal weather, but with each step further away, Shastaryn felt a weight, a relief lifting from her shoulders, a pressure escaping from her head. By the time they reached the base of the mountains and were starting out on the Imperial Highway south around Lake Calenhad towards Redcliffe, Shastaryn was almost back to normal. She still had a slight sensation of … well, buzzing would be the best way to describe it though that was not entirely accurate … but for the most part she was "healed".

It was while they were following the western edge of Lake Calenhad along the Imperial Highway, when it happened. Shortly after their mid-day meal, once they were on the road again, they ran into a group of darkspawn … and this one decided to bring a couple of ogres and at least one emissary in addition to the usual numbers of genlocks and hurlocks. Shastaryn organized her fighters: Wynne, Morrigan and Leliana were positioned along the ridge with their ranged attacks while the remaining fighters broke into two groups; Shastaryn, Alistair, and Rafion in one while Sten, Oghren, Zevran and Shale formed the other.

At one point during the battle, Shastaryn gave Alistair the signal for _up_. He understood immediately, and positioned himself so that he could launch her into the air … directly at one of the ogres. Shastaryn landed on the monster's back, drove Duncan's longsword into the creature's spine and twisted*, severing its spinal cord. Within moments, it began falling, head first thankfully, and Shastaryn was able to leap free of the thing seconds before it hit the ground. Moments later, the second ogre went down in a similar fashion, though at the hands of Zevran. After that, it was only a matter of minutes before the remaining darkspawn were defeated.

Afterwards, Shastaryn found Zevran approaching her. She was getting used to her fellow elf, though his rather carefree nature bothered her somewhat, she ignored it for the most part. "Warden, a question if I may?"

Shastaryn nodded, wiping her blade down with an old rag that had seen many a better day. "Sure, Zev. What is it?"

He gestured back at the battlefield. "During the battle, right before you defeated the ogre?" He saw her nod. "What was that … signal that you used?"

"This?" Shastaryn made a fist with her right hand, her forefinger pointed out and upwards. She moved her fist from about waist height to shoulder height in a quick movement. Zevran nodded. "That is a signal I used with Alistair when I want him to launch me in the air." She took a few moments to explain to Zevran what she had explained to Alistair so many months before. "I've only just started implementing some of the signs though," she added.

Zevran nodded absently. "You have used them with the hound upon occasion, yes?"

Shastaryn nodded in agreement. "Yes. I've trained him on a few more simply because I can't always say what I want in a way he can understand. Why?"

Zevran was rubbing his chin with his fingers. "This is something we used to use in the Crows. Oh," he quickly hurried on, "not the same signals, perhaps, but the idea was the same. Perhaps there are some similarities between signs? We could discuss this, yes, and it might make your job a bit easier? Make communication in times of … silence a bit easier upon us all?"

Shastaryn was still a bit uneasy around the assassin, but she was doing better at not showing it. "Perhaps," she agreed. "That was my intention at any rate."

Later when they were back on the road, Shastaryn sidled up by Alistair, near the front of the group. She was about to speak when she heard him ask in a voice that seemed almost harsh, "Are you all right?"

She nodded. "I'm fine." She looked up at him and saw a frown on his face. "What is it?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

Shastaryn gave him a questioning look, but let it go for the moment. But as the group continued on, she began to feel an aura of … anger? hate? … rolling off of Alistair. Then, suddenly, she knew.

_You have nothing to fear, my love,_ she told him while smiling to herself. _We were discussing tactics._

Alistair's snort made her smile he noticed. _I don't doubt that they were._

Shastaryn sighed. She supposed jealously was healthy in small doses, but she didn't want this to get out of hand. Looking up at him, she added, _My heart, my soul, my body … all belong to you, my Templar._ She reached out to touch his hand for a brief moment.

Alistair sighed, knowing he was being foolish. Sighing in frustration, he turned to glance down at her … and found her smiling up at him … a private smile just for him. Finally, he allowed the greenish tinges of jealousy to fade and he smiled back.

* * *

***A/N:** Thanks to Father Kinkel's sophomore biology class way back in 1983-84 for teaching us this method with frogs for dissection. It is about the _only_ thing from high school biology that I remember almost 30 years later!


	17. The Red Cliffs

_ Thanks to all for reading, following, alerting, faving and reviewing! This is another one of those chapters where stuff had to happen to move the story along, but there are a few fun and funny moments in it as well! We are about halfway through Shastaryn's story by this point. Hope you all are enjoying it as much as I am!_

_ Thanks to Bioware for building the playground upon which I make a mess! =D_

* * *

The sun was shining and the sky was clear as the motley group of adventurers finally entered the village of Redcliffe. Shastaryn came to a sudden stop as she was overwhelmed all at once by the natural beauty she found there. The waterfalls, the cliffs of red clay and stone, the cottages nestled along the coastline of Lake Calenhad … the simple yet beautiful views that could be found there touched her in a way that little else could. _Oh, my!_

Alistair was at the back of the pack this afternoon, and soon found himself by Shastaryn's side as she had ceased walking to look at her surroundings. He grinned, silently grateful that she liked the place where he had spent his youth. "Like it here, do you?" he asked quietly.

Shastaryn nodded, still looking around at every angle. "It's beautiful!" she breathed. "And you grew up here?"

He nodded. "I lived above the stables for the most part, but it wasn't so bad."

Shastaryn frowned. _Not so bad?_ She couldn't really believe that.

_No, not so bad_, he assured her. He gestured her ahead of him. "Let's go. Perhaps later I can show you around …."

* * *

Of course, it was a long, long time before "later" came. Once the group entered the village, they discovered that the villagers were under siege by numerous undead creatures that would come storming out of Redcliffe Castle at night. Shastaryn and her companions, after speaking with Arl Eamon's brother, Bann Teagan who was leading the village's defense, worked diligently to round up more fighters, more equipment, more … _anything_ that could be used in defense of the village.

Shastaryn and Alistair went to speak with Ser Perth and his soldiers up near the windmill. After a lengthy discussion with him and his men, and a trip to the Revered Mother in the Chantry which dissolved into yet another lengthy discussion, she and Alistair returned to Ser Perth with the religious tokens he had hoped would calm his men so that they could focus on the enemy instead of their fears during the upcoming attack.

Leliana and Zevran rounded up both Lloyd the tavern-keeper and Berwick the elven spy who had been in the tavern at the time to supplement the militia. Additionally, they reached out to and convinced Owen, the blacksmith, to aid in the repair of the weapons and armor of other militia members with the promise that they would look for his daughter Valena once access to the castle had been achieved.

Oghren and Wynne approached Dwyn, a surface dwarf now making his home in Redcliffe, and some of his personal thugs to enlist their aid in the battle as well.

Sten and Shale found kegs of oil in the abandoned general store and suggested to Shastaryn that they might be useable in the battle to come. Upon hearing this, Zev added, "A fine tactic indeed, provided that it actually _kills_ them and you don't end up having to deal with _flaming_ undead on top of everything else …." Shastaryn gave him a hard look and Zev raised his hands in surrender. "I'm just saying …!"

Morrigan … well, Morrigan left to herself, as per her wont, and Shastaryn was fine with that as it would reduce the chances of any … incidents with the apostate witch.

During their preparation period, Shastaryn also found time to complete a few errands which included finding the young boy Bevin and returning him to his distraught sister in the Chantry; delivering the box that she and Alistair had found in the Korcari Wilds to Jetta; and notifying Irenia of her husband's … departure from this world. Once these were completed and she had a few moments discussion with the mayor, Murdock, she divided her companions and prepared for the battle to come.

"Alistair, Wynne, Zevran, Leliana and myself will guard the entrance to the village up by the Windmill. That is also where we will light the oil barrels in a delaying tactic. Sten, Morrigan, Oghren, Rafion and Shale I want you to assist the militia in defending the Chantry. Any questions regarding our strategy?" Shastaryn made it clear that she was not taking any guff from Sten or Morrigan about her reasons for defending the village. To her the decision was clear: defend those who cannot defend themselves.

The Wardens, companions and villagers somehow all made it through the night, through the waves of attacks by undead creatures that, even hours later, still made Shastaryn's skin crawl in horror. There had been structural damage to some of the buildings, and some people had injuries, one of them quite severe actually, but Wynne was working on that. Overall, they had survived the battle intact which was more than what Shastaryn could have ever hoped for when first told of the occurrences in Redcliffe.

That morning they met Teagan up near the windmill. During their discussion regarding entry into the castle, the Arlessa in all her "I'm better than you are" glory arrived. She demanded that Teagan return with her to the castle immediately. Teagan agreed, but took the Wardens aside first, providing them with access to a hidden entrance to the castle. "Maker willing, things are not as bad as they seem," he told them. "But on the chance that they are, make your way to the grand hall and we'll meet up there before moving forward."

Shastaryn turned to face her companions. "This is going to require a small strike team," she told them. "Leliana, Wynne, Alistair – I want you three with me. Sten, you lead the others. I want you to be ready near the gate to the castle with Ser Perth's men to come in as soon the area is clear. I have a feeling we are going to have a lot of mopping up to do inside that castle."

The foursome entered the castle dungeons through a secret door in the windmill. Teagan had given Shastaryn his signet ring to gain access. Her predictions of mopping up proved to be more accurate than she had first thought. The moment they were inside of the dungeons, they found walking corpses attacking a prisoner through his cell bars. Once the corpses had been destroyed, they spoke with the prisoner, a blood mage named Jowan, they discovered, who had been responsible for poisoning the Arl. After a rather informative conversation, Shastaryn glanced at Alistair and said, "For now, we leave him. If the Arl lives, he can decide what to do with him." She was rewarded with a nod.

As they continued through the castle, attacking the numerous undead attackers who sprang up, they managed to clear out the main level and rescue a few of the castle staff, including the blacksmith Owen's daughter, Valena. From there, Shastaryn led them down through the cellar and outside.

Here in the main courtyard of the castle, another group of undead awaited them. Quickly dispatched, Shastaryn raised the gate to allow her companions and Ser Perth and his men inside. "Right then," she said eyeing each person individually. "Let's get this over with." With firm nods in unison, they marched up the stairs and entered the castle.

When they entered the hall, they found …. Shastaryn shook her head almost in disbelief, but at this point in her adventures, she had come to expect the unexpected, the bizarre and the truly strange. There in front of them as they entered the main hall was Teagan, performing tumbling tricks in an attempt to entertain Isolde and, presumably, her son Connor. Before they ventured far into the room, Morrigan grasped Shastaryn's shoulder, leaned down and whispered, "The Bann is under some kind of control."

Wynne murmured her agreement. "It seems to be coming from the boy," she added softly. "He appears to be possessed by a demon."

Shastaryn felt shivers run down her spine. She'd run into Templars in the Circle Tower who had been possessed by demons, and the only solution then had been to kill them. _But I don't want to kill a child!_ she thought, her heart breaking at the thought.

Alistair's gasp was soft, but Shastaryn felt it more mentally. _Kill Connor? We can't!_ he insisted.

Shastaryn groaned, but knew he was right. Sighing, she stepped forward and confronted the boy. It was obvious by his responses that he was possessed. _No doubt about it._

_But we can't kill him!_

Shastaryn would have responded to Alistair, but the demon chose that moment to have Bann Teagan and the other soldiers in the room attack the adventurers. Teagan was taken out early; Alistair had used his shield to knock the man out and aside in an attempt to bring him to his senses. As the battle continued, Shastaryn noticed the boy, Connor, running out of the room. When the battle had run its course, and the soldiers and Teagan had regained themselves, the discussion began in earnest. And Shastaryn found a new battle to contend with … rage.

She could only listen in amazement as Isolde spoke, answering Teagan's questions, Alistair's questions and the inquiries of Wynne. She could feel the blood in her system pumping furiously through her veins, heating until it wanted to boil over. _Sanctimonious, hypocritical, snobbish harpy!_ she thought. _Seeing how you treat your own son, I can only imagine what Alistair had to –_

Alistair ceased his participation in the conversation to turn his attention to his fellow Warden. With a smile of indulgence, he allowed the rant to go on until – _It really wasn't so bad._

Shastaryn frowned. _How can you say that? How can you believe that when the evidence of what she has done to her son, her own flesh and blood, is right in front of us? My love, I know –_

_It's over,_ he insisted. _While I may not be fond of her, or care to speak with her whenever possible, I have forgiven her. I have moved on. I have more important things to spend my … energies on._

Shastaryn's eyes caught his. With a sigh of resignation, she ceased her rantings … at least for the moment.

"What else can we do?" Teagan asked. "I see no other option than to kill him. I don't wish to do this, but what else is there?"

Shastaryn looked at Wynne. "Wynne, would the Circle be willing to help?"

Wynne nodded, a thoughtful look on her features. "I believe so. If you were to go and ask Irving, I'm sure he would agree, particularly since there is the potential for a new … recruit, so to speak."

Shastaryn glanced over at Sten and Oghren. "Can you keep Connor under control until we return?"

Sten nodded in affirmation. "Yes, Kadan."

Oghren's laugh was almost contagious as he said, "Yeah, Warden, that won't be a problem."

Turning back to Wynne, Shastaryn opened her mouth to speak, but Wynne cut her off. "If you are not planning to ask me to travel into the Fade to save this child, I am afraid I will have to cast paralysis upon you so that I may do so against your word."

Shastaryn saw the gleam of amusement behind the older mage's eyes. "The thought never crossed my mind," she murmured. "Right then. Alistair, Rafion and Leliana. We four will go ask the Circle for assistance and lyrium. I will ask the rest of you to keep the situation here under control."


	18. Games People Play

_ All right, I openly admit that I absolutely HATE Isolde! (As if you can't figure that out from the end of the previous chapter and what's below) So, without further ado, this is my take on Isolde and the Connor situation. Any comments, questions, suggestions for improvement (for there is always a way to improve one's hatred of Isolde, right?) … feel free to let me know!_

_Thanks to all the new followers and current followers! I'm glad you are enjoying Shastaryn's adventures!_

_ Bioware is the King! The rest is just my little amusement._

_

* * *

_

Shastaryn was still boiling with anger hours later as she, Alistair, Rafion and Leliana made the return trip from the Circle Tower to Redcliffe along the Imperial Highway.

_Stupid, pretentious, Orlesian … harpy! _(Shastaryn was obsessed with that word at the moment as it was the only one she could think of that actually described the woman to a T)_ Absolutely no thought for anyone but herself! First, she sends Alistair off to the Chantry when he was a boy… A BOY! No home, no parents to protect him, no …. _She shook her head as if trying to shake the thoughts away. _Gah!_

_And then! Connor! Her own son! How could she have been so stupid? Surely the woman isn't so dense she can't see that untrained magic is inherently DANGEROUS?!?! Aristocratic, self-centered, egotistical … BITCH!_

Alistair rolled his eyes, gesturing Leliana and Rafion on ahead of him. Leliana only vaguely understood this … this connection that Alistair and Shastaryn shared, but she was intelligent enough to know when conversations were going on around her without her knowing … and when private conversations were best left … private.

Sighing, Alistair moved so that he was walking side-by-side with Shastaryn. "So," he ventured slowly, "feeling any … better?"

Snapped from her internal ranting, Shastaryn frowned before turning to glare up at him. "What?"

He gave her a half-hearted smile. "I've been listening to you … vent, shall we say, this entire trip," he pointed out. He saw her frown again. _Just like now._

Shastaryn groaned, realizing now what he meant. Of course he'd heard her – they both had come to realize that their connection was stronger the more emotional they became. And ever since discovering what the Arlessa had done, both to Alistair in his youth and to Connor now, and all in the name of protecting her son and his inheritance, Shastaryn had definitely been … _emotional_.

"You know," Alistair continued as they followed Leliana and Rafion at a distance but keeping them within sight, "I … appreciate your concerns regarding how I was raised," he looked down at her, "but it's okay now. I'm over it." He gave her a sheepish grin. "I was over it years ago."

"Are you really?" she asked sincerely. She gave him a long, hard look. She had expected that he would be the one to cave in to her, to admit that he really wasn't over the whole thing but Shastaryn found much to her amazement, and her relief, that she was wrong. After a long moment, and a brief stumble over a rock she hadn't seen because she was looking at him while they walked, Shastaryn was the one who caved. Sighing heavily, she told him, "I'm sorry."

Alistair actually chuckled. "Don't worry about it. Though I've come to terms with what was done regarding my upbringing, it doesn't change the fact that she has made a huge error in judgment concerning Connor. I'm sure the Arl has no idea what has been going on. He wouldn't put up with it if he did. Arl Eamon is intelligent enough to know and believe that mages must be trained, even if it means his heir to the arling will no longer inherit."

Shastaryn nodded. She had only Alistair's knowledge of the Arl to draw upon, but she suspected that he had the right of it. As they reached the apex of the hill, the found Redcliffe below them, as quiet and peaceful as they left it. Already, Leliana and Rafion had picked up the pace and were headed directly towards the castle.

* * *

Shastaryn insisted upon being near her friend as Wynne traveled into the Fade. From her own previous experiences at the Tower, she knew how disorienting things could be when returning, and she wanted to be sure that Wynne had whatever support she needed. Not that she doubted the elder mage could deal with it. After all, Wynne had been at this for a lot longer than Shastaryn had been alive! Yet, Shastaryn felt a certain measure of … concern for her friend, as well as a healthy dose of respect. So, she sat there, tense and a bit impatient while the mages led by First Enchanter Irving provided the lyrium Wynne needed in order to make her journey. She tried to keep the fidgeting to a minimum, but knew she was failing … miserably.

When her green gaze settled upon the Templar on watch, however, her mask of concern turned into a scowl. She had talked with Alistair, in-between ranting sessions, on their return journey from the Tower and asked if he would be willing to step in to the Templar position for Wynne's battle. Alistair had been reluctant at first, but after having time to think about it, discussing it with Shastaryn in which he was able to state his concerns and the reasons for them, and then being allowed to decide for himself he agreed that he would be willing to do so for Wynne should it be necessary.

The Templars never gave Shastaryn the chance to choose, or Wynne for that matter. When they and the mages began preparing for the Fade visit, while Shastaryn had been occupied briefing Wynne one last time, they had selected one of their own. Shastaryn implored them to allow Alistair to stand guard, but ever since their visit to the Tower and despite the fact that Shastaryn and Alistair had saved not only the mages but the Templars as well, they refused to listen to her pleas.

_Relax, my love, it will be all right._

Shastaryn sighed and adjusted her position on the hard chair. _Oh, I hope so!_ she returned. _If they mess up and kill Wynne when there is nothing wrong with her, I'll …!_

Alistair was standing against the wall. He'd been sitting near Shastaryn to begin with, but began feeling … antsy and had gotten up to stretch his legs. That had been half an hour before. Now he began wondering how much longer this would take, if perhaps he ought to go out into the courtyard and train with Sten and Zevran and Leliana ….

Wynne suddenly breathed in deeply, the loudness of the breath breaking the silence in the chilled hall. Her dark eyes opened as she slowly sat up. Taking another deep breath, she announced, "It is done." She glanced up at the Templar guarding her so he could see the clarity in her eyes, evaluate for himself … before nodding and moving away.

Shastaryn jumped to her feet, and rushed to Wynne's side to lend a shoulder in support. Alistair joined them. "It was successful then?" Shastaryn asked.

Wynne nodded. "I was able to defeat the demon possessing Connor," she confirmed as a loud wailing cry came from the boy's mother who was standing on the other side of the room. "I was unable to get to the Arl, however," she added. "I saw him, spoke with him briefly, but there was nothing I could do to help him. But," she added firmly, "he is not possessed, that much I know."

Teagan stepped forward at that point. "Then we must rely on the knights of Redcliffe to find the Andraste's Ashes in order to save him," he murmured. He shook his head slowly. "I hope Eamon can hang on that long …."

Shastaryn glanced up at Alistair. They smiled at each other, and Shastaryn held his gaze as she replied, "Teagan, Eamon will not have to wait all that long."

Teagan turned towards her. "What do you mean?" he asked in confusion.

Shastaryn gestured towards the exit. She and Alistair, who was lending Wynne an arm to lead upon as she was utterly exhausted, led Teagan outside to where their other companions had settled in the courtyard. Isolde and some of the guards followed behind. Finding their packs, Shastaryn reached into hers and retrieved three pouches. Of the three, one was set apart from the others by its color, texture and overall quality of the pouch. This one, Shastaryn took and returned the others to her pack.

Turning to face Teagan, she felt her companions coming to her side. They clearly had recognized the pouch as she had retrieved it, knowing its significance, realizing its importance to their current visit to Redcliffe. Taking Teagan's rather large hand in her small one, Shastaryn turned it over so that his palm was face up before placing the bag in his hand and curling his fingers around it. She glanced over Teagan's shoulder at the woman whose poor choices and selfish nature had caused all the problems. Her eyes began to darken as did her thoughts. _I should make her suffer …_

Alistair's hand on her shoulder squeezed reassuringly. _Let it go. She's suffered enough, and even if she hasn't, Eamon, Teagan and the others have. Forgiveness has to start somewhere…._

Shastaryn swallowed hard, for once wishing that their … connection wasn't quite so strong. Regardless, she took a deep breath, released her pent up frustrations and said, "These are the Ashes of Andraste." The shock on Teagan's face made her smile. With a little laugh, she added, "They are real, Teagan. Ask Alistair, Zev or Leliana for they were with me as we made our journey to the Urn."

Teagan swallowed past the lump in his throat, for once allowing the hope to encompass and diminish the despair. "This – this is … incredible! I don't quite know what to …."

"Go," Alistair told him, pushing Teagan back up the steps. "Go use them on Eamon and, Maker willing, he will return to us …," he glanced hard at Isolde, for once letting his disgust slip through, "_all _of us."

Teagan did as Alistair suggested, grasping Isolde's shoulder as he passed her and pushing her in front of him.

Shastaryn sighed in relief and plopped onto the bottom step. "I don't know about anyone else … except perhaps Wynne," she clarified with a smile at the mage, "but I'm beat!" The laughter then from her companions warmed her heart as nothing else could. The tension of the moment was broken, and the companions resumed their previous activities. Alistair glanced down at Shastaryn and reached a hand out to her while asking, "Care to take a walk? I can show you the highlights of Redcliffe if you like?"

Smiling, she took his hand and rose to her feet. "I think I'd like that," she replied. "Besides, I have an errand to run down in the village anyway…."


	19. The Soul Returned

_ Thanks to all who are coming along for the ride! Your enjoyment of the story helps fuel the flames that get me writing! (I mean that almost literally … I woke up again this morning with ideas for Shastaryn and her pals!)_

_ Thanks to Erynnar for answering a couple of questions about Dwyn … I'm still trying to get there on my game! LOL Thanks for reviews from Scarlett Abner's, jen4306, Erynnar, and Piceron! And thanks to all of those who set up alerts and favs!_

_ Bioware is the King of the playground … I just get to mess with it a bit!_

_

* * *

_

"We'll find your sword for you, Sten," Shastaryn promised, her voice with the hard edge of sincerity.

These assurances seemed to inspire the Qunari giant since that conversation in camp. His mood had changed, ever so slightly, but Shastaryn could tell the difference. He seemed to be coming to terms with the course his life had taken. And his abilities in battle …. Shastaryn shook her head in wonder as they walked on their journey to Lake Calenhad. Sten had always been a fierce warrior in her eyes, but this one small promise she had made seemed to inspire him to further greatness.

* * *

They spoke with the man named Faryn on the surface outside of Orzamaar before they entered the underground city. The smarmy man had insisted that he no longer was in possession of _Asala_. Shastaryn was inclined to believe him as she had threatened to not only have Sten tear the man's arms off, but a bit later in the conversation had even suggested that the Qunari kill him. Faryn opened up then, announcing that not only did he no longer have the sword, but it was now in the possession, last he'd known at any rate, of a collector: a Dwarf named Dwyn who made his home in Redcliffe.

* * *

Though the conditions in Redcliffe were far from ideal when she and her companions had arrived, Shastaryn had not for one moment forgotten about her promise to Sten. And, though he never said a word, and would never do so for that was his nature, Shastaryn was now beginning to feel the guilt creeping up on her, forcing her hand in order to fulfill her promise.

When Alistair had asked if she wanted to go for a walk, leaving the others to train or rest up at the castle, Shastaryn had readily agreed so that they could not only check on the status of the villagers, for they had only just freed them from their worries about undead attackers a few days before, but she knew it was time to confront Dwyn about _Asala_.

Before leaving the courtyard, Shastaryn took a few moments to change into something more comfortable. She'd been in her drakeskin armor that Wade had made for her for what seemed like days on end, and since it seemed as if the battles were now over, she felt safe enough to go without. She did, however, keep her boots on with one dagger slid into its space, and another on the belt at her waist around the oversized navy tunic she wore over black leather leggings. She also, in a moment of inspired insanity, decided to leave her hair hanging free, the waist-length tresses falling wildly about her face and her shoulders. She knew that Alistair liked it when she left her hair free and she hoped that …. _Well, I'm not quite sure what I hope at this point!_ she told herself. _But, knowing Alistair's reaction … it ought to be fun!_ She chuckled and went in search of said companion.

She found Alistair waiting for her in the courtyard where she had left him earlier, speaking with Leliana when she joined him. With a soft smile, she noted that he had changed out of his armor as well. His tunic contained deep blues and greens and he wore it with dark trousers as well. As she had, he wore his sword belt, but chose to leave the shield behind. With a glance and smile of approval, he asked her, "Ready to go?"

Shastaryn nodded. She saw Leliana giggle a bit, and chose to ignore the bard's silly behavior, though she could understand its source. She and Leliana had discussed, only a time or two, the relationship that Shastaryn shared with Alistair. Much to the warrior's discomfort! Openly reaching out to take Alistair's hand now, Shastaryn said, "Let's go." She ignored the pointed look from Leliana as they walked off, hand in hand.

It was a nice change of pace, she thought, that they could actually travel to the village at their leisure. They passed through the gate and by the windmill that sat at the topmost point of the village. Descending the manmade steps, they headed towards the tavern first and stopped in to have a drink as well as to speak with Bella who had taken over running the establishment when Lloyd fought with the militia to protect the village. Once in control of the tavern, however, and as Lloyd was languishing over his recovery from minor wounds received during the attack (rumor had it that Lloyd had tried to flee in cowardice and Sten had … forcefully changed his mind!), Bella decided to keep her position of power. As the Wardens now waited for their drinks, Shastaryn had to wonder if roles would continue to stay reversed and Lloyd would end up working for Bella instead of the other way around.

Their drinks arrived, delivered by none other than Bella herself. When Shastaryn reached for some coins to pay for the drinks, though, Bella slapped her hand away and insisted, "Absolutely not, Warden! For what you have done for us, for this village, the drinks are on the house!" And with that, she was off to serve the newest arrivals to the tavern leaving a bewildered pair of Wardens smiling in amusement at each other.

A short time later, Alistair led Shastaryn down the hill into the village proper. They walked by the Chantry, and turned towards the blacksmith's shop. Shastaryn wanted to be sure that Valena had returned safely from the castle. Not only did she find Valena by her father's side, assisting him with his work, but she found a much happier smith, though still drunk – _Though he's not a dwarf, he and Oghren are a lot alike!_ She heard Alistair's soft chuckle behind her. "Thank you so much for rescuing my Valena! If you need any armor or weapons repaired," Owen announced, "you bring it to me. I'll do you right, I will!" When they stepped outside once more a short time later, Shastaryn discovered that Alistair was just as relieved for the fresh air as she was.

The pair began heading towards the housing area located off the edge of the lake. As the climbed the steps up the platform, Shastaryn asked, "Alistair, do you mind if I … run a quick errand?"

He frowned. "What errand?"

Shastaryn gave him a smile. "Sten's sword, remember? Dwyn lives over there," she announced, pointing to a hut separated from all of the others. "Since we are here, perhaps we can get it back and give it to Sten tonight?"

Alistair smiled. Rubbing his chin, he replied, "I think we can manage that, don't you?"

Approaching the hamlet, Shastaryn knocked. After no reply, she twisted the handle on the door. Sighing, she remembered Oghren's story of how he and Wynne had been forced to break the door in. Surprisingly, this one seemed new and made of very thick timber. Frowning, Shastaryn reached for the lockpicking kit she always wore on her belt and she began to work. She could hear Alistair tutting behind her, but she refused to pay attention. Finally a soft click was heard and the door fell open.

The room was barely lit, though there was a lighted candle upon the table. In the back, near the fireplace that remained unlit, she saw a dwarf, Dwyn she presumed, surrounded by a couple of thugs. "Is it so hard for humans to understand that locked doors mean a desire for privacy?" the dwarf drawled sarcastically.

Shastaryn approached him. "We have business, you and I," she announced without preamble. She felt Alistair move up behind her for both moral and physical support.

The dwarf snorted. "What business would I have with a knife-eared elf?" he sneered.

Shastaryn held Alistair back by placing her arm in front of him. _He's not worth it at this point._ She felt him stand down slightly behind her. This confrontation was obviously going to take a fair amount of persuasion, of which Alistair's skills were sadly lacking.

"I am here about a sword you purchased from a man named Faryn," she announced. "A Qunari sword. Are you still in possession of this sword?"

"And if I am?"

Shastaryn pulled a few coins out of her pouch and showed them in her hand. "That sword belongs to a friend of mine," she explained. "A _giant _of a friend. It was taken from him, correction: _stolen _from him, when he was injured. I would like to buy it back from you and return it to him. I am willing to give you double what you paid to the irreputable merchant from whom you purchased it." She could see the calculations going through the dwarf's mind, and not all were regarding the money involved.

"If it's worth that much to you, I will sell it to you for two sovereigns."

Shastaryn snorted and looked down her nose at him, deliberately insulting him. "Remember," she murmured, "I spoke with Faryn. I know how much you paid for it."

Dwyn muttered beneath his breath. Glancing at his companions, Shastaryn wondered if they would be willing to attack over something as trivial as a Qunari sword. She saw that Dwyn was still refusing her offer, and so she added quite casually, "Oh, did I mention, we're Grey Wardens?" She saw his gaze dart up to hers. "But then, you knew that didn't you, because you were asked to assist the Grey Wardens in defending the village the other night…."

"Hmpf!" Dwyn grunted. "Damn dwarf said nothing about Grey Wardens!" He was silent a moment longer, and Shastaryn found herself slowly moving her hand towards her dagger. Finally, though, Dwyn nodded. "Fine," he snorted. He left the room for a moment and the sound of a heavy chest opening could be heard. When he returned, he handed over the sword and accepted the coins that Shastaryn handed him. "Our deal is done," he spat. "Now leave my house!"

With a nod of acquiescence, Shastaryn backed out of the house refusing to turn her back until both she and Alistair had exited the building and closed the door behind them. She felt Alistair's free hand (he was carrying _Asala _in the other) on her shoulder as they turned to walk towards the general store where the barrels of oil used in the battle had been found. There, he directed her towards a pier that ran out into Lake Calenhad where they were able to sit beside each other on an empty bench. Shastaryn sighed in contentment as they sat, watching the sun begin to set. "I can't get over how beautiful it is here," she murmured.

Alistair chuckled while leaning _Asala _against the side of the bench. "I can honestly tell you that I never once considered the beauty of this place when I was young," he told her.

She smiled, placing her hand in his when he reached for it. "I can understand that." She leaned into his shoulder and sighed again. For a long while, she simply leaned against him, savoring his touch, his warmth and companionship, but most of all his love. "Alistair," she murmured after a while, "where do you see this … _us_ … going from here?" She could sense his shock at her question. Looking up at him she quickly assured him, "I'm not saying I want our relationship to end. Not at all! However," she continued, "I think, based on bits of a conversation I overheard between Teagan and Wynne that Arl Eamon may decide to put you forward as the claimant to the throne."

Alistair sighed, shaking his head. "I don't want to be king," he insisted almost fiercely. "I'm quite satisfied being a Grey Warden. We have the Blight to defeat first and foremost anyway. I will not be distracted from that."

Shastaryn nodded. "I agree." She turned towards him. "However, I think you would make an excellent king despite your fears and misgivings about being placed in a position of leadership. Besides," she added, "I will be there to help you along the way."

Alistair smiled at that, but swallowed hard. "You do realize," he said slowly, "that if you insist upon me becoming king, our relationship will have to come to an … end, don't you?"

Shastaryn nodded. "I am aware of that," she breathed softly. "But, we are not there yet, and we have other obligations to fulfill before we get there, so why worry about it now? Besides," she added, "we may find a way to work things out so you don't have to even become king!" She smiled, though half-heartedly. Both knew that things were beginning to turn in that direction and once on that path, it would be unlikely to change. Shastaryn pushed the thoughts away for now. _For now, you are mine and I am yours. We will keep that as long as possible …._

Alistair's arm tightened around her as they both stared off towards Redcliffe castle in the distance. _That we shall, my love._


	20. The Mother of All Dragons

_I apologize for the delay. Real life (ie: Mother's Day) and helping friends with their stories, plus the fact that I had to work on my actual game so I could get a city elf to the return to the Alienage (wow! that was quite interesting and certainly provided me with stuff for my story!), and I'd run out of current chapters that I already had worked up… _

_Anyway, enough excuses! I'm getting back on track, had a couple of new ideas over the weekend for additional chapters, so please stay tuned!_

_Thanks to all who have favorited, added alerts, and reviewed! Though I may not get back in touch with you all as I should, I do appreciate it! I am glad you seemed to appreciate the angsty bit at the end of the last chapter … not too good at that, so I guess I succeeded? =D I'll try to do better next time!_

_Just a couple of comments on the battle below. First of all, the idea that Shastaryn and her companions could be experiencing a spell of self-doubt is something that just popped into my head. I have no clue if such a thing would exist, or even does (I've never seen anything like it) in the game. At any rate, it is a literary tool I needed to make the scene work. Second, I switch to Wynne's point of view for most of the battle scene because whenever I fight a dragon or Flemeth, yes including the archdemon, I play as Wynne to keep everyone else alive! =D_

_Bioware is the king of the playground, and I'm just here messing around!_

_

* * *

_

On the last evening of their stay in Redcliffe as the guests of Arl Eamon, Shastaryn was surprised to find Morrigan waiting in her bedchambers as she retired for the evening. The elf eyed the witch and tried to determine her mood. "Morrigan," she greeted her. "Is there something … wrong?" She watched as Morrigan's face seemed to change from one expression to the next, no one emotion staying in place for more than the briefest amount of time.

"I am here because I have finished reading Mother's grimoire," she announced, holding up the tome for Shastaryn to view. The elf nodded in recognition of the volume that she had secured during their adventure to the mages' Tower. "Shall I tell you what I have learned?"

Shastaryn gestured the other woman to a nearby chair while she herself sat on the end of the bed. "If you so wish, please feel free," she replied.

Morrigan glanced first at the book, now resting in her lap, and then up at Shastaryn. "It … is not at all what I had thought and hoped it might be," she began. "I had hoped to find a book with her magic – her _special _magic and spells if you will."

When Morrigan stopped speaking, Shastaryn asked in a quiet voice, "And this is not it?"

Morrigan's head shook negatively. She rose to her feet again and began pacing back and forth in front of the hearth to the fire. "No. What I found instead was …unsettling, to say the least," she gasped and shook her head again.

Shastaryn observed her friend, now very concerned. Morrigan was one of the more straight-forward, practical companions. Her current state of distraction and emotion, was an indication of … _What is wrong?_ "I take it that whatever you discovered is not good news?" She watched as Morrigan's head snapped around to capture her gaze. "You look a bit … disturbed."

Morrigan snorted, almost hysterical in her response. "You could say that," she returned, her voice sharp and harsh, more so than Shastaryn had ever heard it before. "No, what I found was my mother's secret to her … her abnormally long lifespan …." Morrigan waited a long moment to be sure that the elf was watching, seeing, _hearing_.

"It appears that when Flemeth gets close to the end of her life, she gives birth to a daughter, one strong with magic. When her body finally reaches its last stages, and she can no longer function as the witch that she once was, and her daughter is sufficiently aged and trained in the ways of Flemeth's magic, that is when Flemeth strikes: she takes over control of the younger mage's body."

Morrigan turned to fully face the elf, to give her a hard look. "It is now clear to me that Flemeth simply regards me as an empty vessel which she can then take over at her own whim."

The room was silent for a few moments as the impact of Morrigan's words settled. While Shastaryn digested this bit of news, Morrigan started her pacing once more. Finally, Shastaryn spoke up. "What needs to be done?" she asked. She saw Morrigan stop suddenly, turning to look at her with an almost incredulous look crossing her exotic features. Shastaryn shrugged. "What? You are my friend, Morrigan. Why bring this to me if you did not think I would help in some way?" She offered the witch a smile. "I do not think you would simply waste my time by … venting your frustrations regarding your mother at me."

Morrigan was stunned almost speechless. "Why? Why … are you offering …."

Shastaryn rose to her feet and crossed to Morrigan's side. Looking up at her, she caught the woman's yellow gaze. "Morrigan," she asked softly, "do you trust me…?"

* * *

Shastaryn checked her gear before exiting her room. She had her pack with the items she needed for the side trip, and another pack that would go with the other companions who would start off towards the Dalish. With an adjustment of the strap at her shoulder, Shastaryn began walking down the hallway towards the main hall where she was to meet the others.

Entering the room, she spotted the remainder of her companions standing over at the table, with most of their gear laid out. Additionally, Teagan and Eamon were talking with Alistair over near the hearth. A blur of motion raced past Shastaryn as she walked further into the room, and she soon realized it was Connor, surprisingly well recovered from his recent … possession, as he dashed to his father's side. Shastaryn watched Alistair glance down, and reach out to ruffle the boy's hair. With a smile to herself, she turned towards her companions. She had already spoken with Alistair so he was aware of the change in plans.

"Right then," she greeted them as she approached. "There's been a small change of plan, but this should not affect our overall mission much at all. Alistair, Wynne, Sten and myself will be making a side trip on our journey while the remainder of you shall head on towards the Brecilian Forest."

There were immediate sounds of protest, concern and consternation at this announcement, and Shastaryn raised her hand for silence. "I know this is not what we had originally planned, but something has come up and must be dealt with as soon as possible."

Shastaryn pulled out a map, spreading it across the gear laying atop the table. Using her finger as the pointer, she located their current position south of Lake Calenhad. "We are currently here." She slid her finger along the path of the Imperial Highway, a squiggly line running east/west along the southern portions of Ferelden on the map. "At this juncture," she indicated a point on the map that branched off southwards just east of The Hinterlands, "I shall lead my team off in the direction of the Korcari Wilds."

Glancing up at the others, her gaze directed towards Leliana. "Leliana will lead the rest of you along the West Road, past Lothering," Shastaryn took a brief pause to pray that Leliana would be able to do this without being distracted by the destruction of her former home, "towards the Brecilian Forest. I am hopeful that we shall join up with you well before you make it there, but if that is not the case, you should begin your search for the Dalish camp without us." She glanced up at Alistair who had joined them shortly after Shastaryn started her briefing. "Any questions?" She watched as collectively they shook her head. Nodding firmly, she replied. "Good. Let's hit the road then."

It was two days before the groups branched apart on their separate journeys. Before this happened, however, Shastaryn pulled aside Leliana, Morrigan and Zev separately.

She found Leliana at the creek, washing up after the evening meal. Taking a seat on a nearby boulder, Shastaryn asked, "Leli? Are you up to doing this?"

Leliana glanced over her shoulder. "Why? Should I not be?" she asked, confusion evident in her voice.

Shastaryn sighed. Hopefully, this was a good sign. "I am referring to the fact that you will probably have to travel very close to Lothering," she murmured. She watched her friend closely, remembering all too well the night after they had found out the destruction of the town. Leliana had been inconsolable for a few days, grieving not for any one particular person, but for the entire village, for _each_ person, for the way her life had been.

Leliana sat back from the edge of the creek, setting the cooking gear aside. She turned towards Shastaryn and smiled gently, though her pain was evident. "I – I should be fine," she said. "It is true that I have … many memories there, but I will not let that … interfere with my … duty, yes?"

Shastaryn smiled, admiring her friend as she thrust aside her own personal problems to replace them with …_what? _ "Leli –"

Leliana shook her head. "You are depending on me," she whispered. "I will not betray that trust!" She rose to her feet then.

Shastaryn did the same and crossed to her friend's side. Giving the red-headed bard a hug, Shastaryn said, "I know you won't."

Morrigan, Shastaryn found as usual, was in her own little camp. She paused on her return to the others to speak with the woman. "Are you sure you will not come along with us?" she inquired.

Morrigan shook her head. "I cannot, as I explained to you before," she replied. "If I am there, Flemeth will try to possess me and she will succeed. If I am not anywhere nearby, it will take her considerably longer before she can find me, and by that point I shall hopefully have more knowledge by which to defend myself."

Shastaryn nodded and left the woman to her potions. She found Zevran over near his tent. "Zev, I need to ask a favor," she murmured, taking a seat beside him. He was mixing his Antivan potions which she found fascinating, and almost allowed herself to be distracted by this than to fulfill her mission. _I must be more tired than I thought!_

She was about to speak to Zev when a whisper touched her mind replying, _Then perhaps we should go to bed?_ Shastaryn had trouble swallowing her laughter after Alistair's silent comment, but somehow managed to do so. _Later, you lecher!_ She could almost feel his embarrassment, and glanced surreptitiously over at Alistair on the far side of the campfire to see the slight blush creeping up his neck. Turning back to Zevran, she saw that he was eyeing her, a question on his features, but he did not give in to ask. "Right. Here's the thing: I am concerned about Leliana once you reach the Lothering area."

"Ah," Zev replied, still concocting his mixtures. "This is the place she was from, yes?"

Shastaryn nodded. "The devastation there, I have heard, is simply … horrendous. I've spoken with Leliana about this, and she says that she will be fine, but …."

Zev smiled. "Fear not, Warden," he assured her, "I shall watch out for the pretty bard –"

Shastaryn glared at him. "I do not mean for you to –"

Zev chuckled. "Always to be maligned, am I?" he queried. Setting his potions and ingredients aside, he reached out and touched Shastaryn's forearm. "Worry not, Warden. I will be on the lookout for her, watch should she encounter any … emotional difficulties. She will be, how do you say … in "tip-top shape" when you return?"

Shastaryn sighed, rolled her eyes, but eventually gave in to her chuckle. Patting his hand in return, she replied, "See that is all that you do, my friend!" With that, Shastaryn rose to her feet and wandered off towards her final stop of the night.

"Rafi," she murmured, kneeling down to give the hound a big hug. Rafion rewarded his master's behavior with a big, sloppy mabari kiss. Giggling, Shastaryn leaned forward. "Rafi," she murmured near his ear, "I need you to keep an eye on Leli for me. Where you will be headed, she has bad memories. It might make her sad or depressed or even scared and she cannot be that way if you all are to survive. Can you watch her for me? Keep her happy?"

Rafion barked softly, but in the affirmative.

Shastaryn hugged him again. "Thanks, my friend. I'll get you a nice juicy bone when I get back, okay?" She was rewarded with yet another mabari kiss. "Okay! Okay!" she told him, struggling to her feet.

With one more pat to the hound's head, she turned towards her tent, beginning to remove her weapons and surreptitiously pick up her walking pace as she did so. _Last one there is a …._ She grinned as she managed to barely squeak into the tent before Alistair.

* * *

It took another two days from their departure from the main body of their group before the foursome arrived at Flemeth's hut. As they neared, Shastaryn began to feel tinges of doubt seeping into her, seeds of doubt sprouting and taking root. Turning, she murmured to her magical companion, "Wynne, can you feel …?"

Wynne nodded. She and Shastaryn had discussed at length the mission and the reasoning behind it. It was at that point that Wynne had pointed out there might be things other than the obvious that they would run into. "I believe it is some sort of spell, but what exactly, I do not know. Remember our mission, our goal. That should hopefully keep us all on track."

Finally, they reached Flemeth's hut. The Witch of the Wilds herself stood outside the hut, as if expecting them, waiting to greet them, much as she had done the first time Shastaryn had met her.

"Ah, Warden," the woman began, "I see that lovely Morrigan has finally found someone to do her dirty work for her. Is there no way that I may sway you from your path?"

Shastaryn swallowed hard, fighting off the self-doubt which grew in strength the closer she came to the woman. "I know of your plans for Morrigan, Flemeth," she said simply. "I'm afraid I cannot allow you that … luxury."

Flemeth's cackle was almost bone-chilling. "Do you really, now? I wonder, Warden, if you are not being led about by –"

"Enough!" Shastaryn announced, raising her voice, slicing her hand through the air in emphasis. Surprisingly, she felt the self doubt fade a bit. She also noticed that Flemeth seemed as shocked by her behavior as her fellow companions did. "Your time in this world is done for now. There can be no other way."

As Flemeth's look darkened, her image began to take on a shimmer of darkness as well. "If that is how it must be, then you will have to _earn_ what you seek!" Moments later, Flemeth's form had shapeshifted into that of a high dragon, moving away from the hut onto a nearby mesa-like area with more space from which she could launch her attacks.

Shastaryn had suspected this might be a trick Flemeth would use. After all, how else would Morrigan have learned shapeshifting? What she hadn't expected was to face a dragon … again. With a sigh, and a few hand signals to the others, the attack commenced.

Wynne immediately began casting protective spells over first herself and then her companions before worrying about any offensive spells. The moment she could, she let off Petrify and was glad to note, though whether it was due to her advanced skill in magic or not she would never be sure, that it did actually freeze the witch for a brief time in which Wynne could turn her attention to healing her friends. She kept an eye on each one, rotating her attention around to and including Flemeth, towards whom she would occasionally send off a Stonefist or Cone of Cold if she was still waiting for Petrify to recharge itself.

Thankfully though, in the end, the battle though not quite short, was at least not lengthy, and just before launching herself into the air with the assistance of Alistair and his shield in order to stab the dragon-Flemeth through its skull, Wynne managed to cast both Glyph of Warding and Lifeward in order to protect the young elf as she was thrown to the ground with one last thrash of the creature before it died.

Shastaryn landed … hard on the ground, and thought she heard a snap from the direction of her shoulder, but as she finally began sitting up, if only to reassure Alistair who was instantly beside her, calling out to her, she felt Wynne's powerful healing beginning to take effect. Within a few moments, she was feeling right as rain, or as near as she could be for having just defeated the most powerful witch in all of Thedas. Brushing off the dirt and muck that had accumulated on her armor, she asked, "Everyone okay?" She glanced over at Sten, as impassive as usual, and saw him nod. She eyed Wynne who only smiled wryly at her, but saw the woman's true feelings in her eyes. She took Alistair's arm and allowed him to assist her to her feet. "Right then," she breathed.

Sten reached out and handed Shastaryn a key. "From the ashkaari's body," he told her.

Shastaryn frowned, but then recalled his use of the word in previous discussions. "Right." She led them towards the hut, opened the door and found the chest Morrigan had alerted her would contain the real grimoire containing Flemeth's spells. Alongside the tome, she noted some robes, something that looked similar to Morrigan's owns, so she grabbed them as well and placed both items in her pack. Moments later, she was ready. Glancing at the others, she asked, "Shall we go catch up with the others now?" and was rewarded with a resounding nod of approval. With a smile at each one, she led the way out of the hut and back towards the Imperial Highway.

* * *

It was three days later when Shastaryn's team reunited with the rest of the companions just south of Lothering in the Southron Hills. Shastaryn was between Alistair and Wynne with Sten following behind when they approached, and tackled by Rafion the moment they came into view of the camp. Laughing and fighting to keep from being crushed, she finally gasped, "All right, boy! I missed you, too!" Alistair grinned at Shastaryn and grabbed the hound's collar, finally managing to get the beast off of his master.

Leliana approached them then, a smile upon her face, but a lingering sadness evident in her blue eyes. Giving the woman a big hug, Shastaryn murmured, "Thanks."

Shastaryn thought she felt a bit of desperation in the Orlesian bard's grip, but Leliana simply smiled. "We are all fine and very glad you have made it back safely."

Shastaryn caught Zev's look, but he smiled and shook his head, indicating that everything had indeed been fine. "As are we," Shastaryn finally responded.

She indicated then that Wynne, Alistair and Sten should get settled. Shastaryn, on the other hand, set aside her weapons and gear, but grabbed the pack she had placed the tome and robes in. "Be right back," she murmured to Alistair as he brought her a bowl of stew. Nodding, he returned to the fire.

Morrigan saw her approach, and rose to greet her. Shastaryn withdrew the book and the robes. "I have done as you asked," she said quietly. "I hope that in doing so it gives you some peace of mind."

Morrigan seemed to be stunned, but took both items from Shastaryn. "I – I don't quite know what to say," she replied.

Shastaryn shook her head. "Nothing needs to be said," she assured her. "The only thing I would ask is the same question I asked you at Redcliffe: do you trust me?" Shastaryn thought she saw a flash of something behind those yellow-gold eyes, but she couldn't name it.

Morrigan nodded. "I – I believe I do."

Shastaryn nodded. "Good. Now, then, care to join us for dinner?" she asked while gesturing towards the large communal fire. Within moments, the two women were seated with the others, bowls of fragrant, nourishing stew in their laps and friendly conversation all around. Shastaryn smiled to herself as she ate. _Piece by piece_, she thought. _This puzzle will soon be completed._


	21. Of Werewolves and Elves

_Thanks to all who have been following Shastaryn's adventures through Ferelden! I cannot tell you how delighted I am you have taken an interest!_

_As usual, it's all Bioware's except my character and the dog ... whenever he decides to wander in! =D_

* * *

Shastaryn had become increasingly aware of the toll that the battle against the Blight was taking on everyone in her group. As they continued on, securing treaties, fighting darkspawn and, hopefully, nearing the end of their journey, tempers seemed to flare a bit easier, tensions were a bit tighter, and relaxation at camp seemed to be harder to find. As the leader of the motley group of adventurers, Shastaryn knew that it was up to her to keep the morale level high and to make sure that everyone got along, … or at least got along as well as they could together. There were some, Morrigan and Alistair in particular, who Shastaryn didn't think would _ever_ get along with each other.

Though she knew all of this, and tried her utmost to provide her friends with gifts and small tokens to take their minds off of the stresses of the days and weeks on the road, there were still instances where she knew she had failed miserably. One such instance showed itself shortly after they found the Dalish and began assisting the elves with their own problems.

For several days, Shastaryn and her friends had been working their way through the Brecilian Forest in an attempt to locate the wolf called Witherfang who, according to the Dalish keeper, Zathrian, was responsible for not only a recent attack on the Dalish, but for turning all manner of humans and elves into werewolves. Shastaryn and Alistair had discussed the situation with the others, finally deciding to assist the elves in order to secure their assistance against the Blight.

But that had been days ago, and she and her companions had encountered everything from bears to wolves, or rabid wolves, as well as some of the fearsome werewolves themselves. They had also encountered the Grand Oak, a rhyming ancient tree that was in search of a stolen acorn. Then they had met a mad hermit, a rather disconcerting fellow Shastaryn thought, but she had discovered that not only did he have the acorn in question but a beautiful helm that he was willing to trade for a book. She wondered at the logic of this, but then decided that the Maker (or perhaps it had been Leliana whispering in her ear?) was guiding her towards something and that she shouldn't question it. With the trading complete, they returned the acorn to the Grand Oak who provided the adventurers with an oak branch that allowed them access to the elven ruins where the werewolf lair supposedly was located.

After yet another confrontation with the werewolves, and this time with the addition of Witherfang himself, Shastaryn and her companions were finally able to reach the ruins. One look at them, however, and she quickly adjusted her plans. Turning towards her group, she announced, "Alistair, Zev and Leliana will come with me. The rest of you please set up camp out here and make sure that they don't get past us." She was adjusting her pack, taking only those items she felt she would need. "I don't know how long this will take, but I suspect it will be a day or two at the very least. Should we require your assistance, one of us will return. Any questions?"

She had been glad that there were none. But now, almost a full day later and deep into the belly of the ruins, Shastaryn began to question her reasoning. Perhaps she should have brought the others. The resistance they had met so far aside from the werewolves – undead corpses and skeletons, giant spiders and even a dragon – had been nothing compared to what the entire group had been facing. Had she been too overprotective of her group? Certainly this was no real challenge, at least as of yet, for her and the small team she had chosen. If she had brought the others and stayed together as a group, perhaps they would be through with the mission and back at the Dalish camp relaxing for a day or two ….

Shastaryn eyed the room they had just emptied. There was a rack against the wall containing a number of vials. Frowning, she knelt down to look at them before reaching for one that seemed to call to her ….

"I swear, woman," Alistair muttered beneath his breath, "if you don't quit picking up those damned phylacteries …!" He adjusted his position, bashing their opponent with his shield. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Leliana taking aim with her bow, waiting for a clear shot. Zev also was attacking, but he was using his stealth to his advantage and Alistair couldn't see him at the moment.

Shastaryn's eyebrow rose in question at his outburst, but said nothing as she finally managed to dispatch the Revenant that had appeared. She spun to face Alistair, about to confront him when he demanded, "Why do you _do_ that?!"

Shastaryn, who might have in the past been concerned with a giant of a shemlen looming over her while in an angry rage, knew that she had nothing to worry about with Alistair. But, the fact that he was _this_ upset over something so … trivial, gave her pause. There was something more at work here, and she knew she had to figure it out … and soon. "Let's take a break," she suggested to Zev and Leliana who agreed and managed to scrape enough together from the rubble and ruins around them to make a small fire and heat water for tea.

Shastaryn led Alistair to the other side of the room. he was still upset, she noted, as he removed his helm and set it, his shield and his weapon down with a loud crash. Reaching out to him, she murmured, "Ali-"

Alistair rounded on her again, but this time simply grabbed her and crushed his mouth to hers in a bruising, demanding and purely rage-inspired manner. His hands held her, _crushed_ her to him with a desperation she could not identify. _Alistair …,_she tried. _Ali! Stop, my love, you are hurting me!_

Shastaryn knew she'd broken through whatever haze it was that was driving him to his actions when he released her suddenly, a look of pure horror and disgust settling upon his face. As if in a daze, he turned and stormed out of the chamber.

Shastaryn, who had fallen to the ground when he released her, sprang quickly to her feet and rushed out of the room after him, calling over her shoulder, "You two stay here!" She glanced about and saw him, thankfully heading back in the direction from which they had arrived. She ran towards him, stopping only when she reached his side and grasped his arm.

Alistair tried to pull away from her, but she had expected this and had compensated for his strength: grasping where she could hook her fingers around buckles, when he began pulling his arm it only brought her body closer against his. She felt his body shudder at the contact and she had to wonder at its cause. Looking up into amber eyes she felt she knew so much better than even her own, she pleaded, "Alistair, what is wrong?"

Alistair struggled again to pull his arm free. "Just … let me … go!" he told her, his voice hoarse and raspy.

"_Not_ until you tell me what _that_ was all about," she replied, gesturing behind them. "One minute you're going on about me and phylacteries, and the next you're treating me like I'm a common –"

Alistair's whole aura imploded like a balloon at her words, and Shastaryn knew she had finally broken though to him … completely. He lowered himself against a wall, resting one arm on a bent leg while the other rose to his face, wiping away tears she hadn't noticed earlier. Kneeling beside him, she murmured, "My love, what _is_ it?"

It took him some time: time to find his words; time to explain; time to beg her forgiveness. Once he began, though, he couldn't seem to stop. The growing concerns regarding the Blight, their future together, the pressures on him to become king … all of these were weighing on him, eating away at him from the inside out.

There was also the destruction of the archdemon and the fact that they didn't know _why _it had to be a Grey Warden who did the deed, but it did, which in turn meant that there must be a particular way to complete the deed which neither of them knew.

And then there was the never-ending ever-present worry that something would happen to _her_. That one fear weighed upon him more than all of the others combined and was driving him to insanity.

Later, she had no idea how it happened or when, but she realized he had pulled her – or had she crawled? – onto his lap. Leaning against his shoulder, his arms loose around her, she murmured, "Why didn't you tell me your concerns before? Why suffer through this alone? Are we not friends? Compatriots? Lovers? Surely just given any one of those relationships you should have the right to share your burdens with me!"

Alistair felt … spent. He was emotionally beaten down and he felt as if he had just survived a round with a legion of darkspawn. "I'm so … sorry," he finally managed, his forehead resting against the side of her head. "Shasta, you have to understand … the way I was raised … well, I never had _anyone_ who would listen to me. I'm used to keeping things, at least the bad things, inside…."

Sighing, Shastaryn nodded. "I'm sorry too. I should have realized sooner, noticed … _something_ so that you didn't have to go through all of that." Slowly, carefully for they had been sitting for a while now, she rose to her feet. She extended a hand which, thankfully, he took and she assisted him to his feet. Glancing up at him, she murmured softly, "Please, Alistair, don't let that happen again!" She reached a hand up to his cheek, caressing his skin softly.

Closing his eyes and covering her hand with his own, he nodded. "I'll try not to," he agreed.

They rejoined Leliana and Zevran a few moments later.

* * *

Late the next day, their mission was complete. The foursome had located the werewolf lair, and spoken to the Lady of the Forest who, as Shastaryn had suspected within moments of speaking to the woman, turned out to be Witherfang. Zathrian's arrival at the ruins had not surprised her either, nor did the intertwined history between the two. At the time, a saying Shastaryn had once heard her mother say came to mind: _Oh what a tangled web we weave When first we practice to deceive._*

The ensuing discussions, and brief battle with Zathrian, eventually resulted with the werewolves being transformed back into their human/elven selves. After their departure, Shastaryn began to lead her companions out of the ruins.

They were arriving at camp, not too far from the ruins but in a secluded area, when Alistair approached Shastaryn. "Once you've settled in," he murmured near her ear, "come down by the river and find me. Please?"

Startled, she glanced up at him, but she could not read his expression. "Yes," she assured him quickly, and was thankful to see he seemed to be at ease after that.

Shastaryn greeted the others, discussing the events, or lack thereof, in their absence with Wynne and Sten, and then went to set her items in her tent. When she exited, now carrying a change of clothing, a towel and some soap, she found Wynne and announced, "I'm going to bathe. I feel so …."

Wynne smiled warmly. "Go, child," she replied. "I'm sure being cooped up in those ruins has done nothing to help ease your mind," she added, referring to their recent trip to visit the dwarves.

Shastaryn paused a moment, cocking her head to the side. "You know, Wynne," she commented, "I really didn't feel that bad … inside. I wonder why that was?"

"Perhaps it was because they were ruins instead of caves? Or that it wasn't that far below ground?" The elder mage shrugged. "Or perhaps what you felt in Orzamaar had more to do with the taint and your proximity to the darkspawn that it did actual claustrophobia."

Shastaryn blushed, but smiled. Placing her hand on the mage's arm, she murmured, "Thanks for watching out for me, Wynne."

Wynne patted the girl's hand. "Any time, my dear. Any time."

Shastaryn turned and began the trek to the river. As she approached, she found a nice spot where the river was bent, pooling into an area of what appeared to be medium depth. She placed her things nearby and she quickly doffed her armor. Setting the bar of soap near the edge, she waded into the water. She dove under the water briefly, and came up sluicing the water through her long hair while pushing it back from her face. Then, with a sigh of contentment, she lowered herself until her entire body was underwater, enjoying the feel of it as it washed not only the dirt, grime and blood off her body, but soothed her as well.

She sensed his arrival moments before feeling his hands slide around her waist, pulling her back against his tall frame. With a smile, she turned in his arms and murmured, "You must be taking stealth lessons from Leliana or Zevran – I didn't hear you at all that time!"

He chuckled, leaning forward to kiss her brow. "I've been watching you," he murmured back.

Shastaryn felt his lips begin trailing across her shoulder, around her collarbone. She smiled as he lifted his head and found her lips, his touch much more gentle, loving and considerate than it had been the few days before. When he broke free after a very long moment, she giggled, and leaned her head against his shoulder. Tightening his arms around her, he murmured, "I want you to know how very sorry I am about what happened the other day."

Shastaryn raised her fingers to his lips. "No, don't," she whispered. "We've been through this, we've moved on. Do not dwell on the past, my love. We only look forward." She saw the worry beginning to creep into his eyes and she leaned up to kiss him this time. "Only look forward," she repeated. "What we have is very special, Alistair. The Maker is watching out for us. If we are meant to be together forever we will be. If we aren't, then we will find a way to move on. But, we cannot borrow trouble before it arrives. If we do that, we won't accomplish anything and we will waste what time together we do have."

Alistair sighed heavily, a sound that shuddered through his entire body. "I will do my best," he told her. He saw the look beginning to cross her face, recognized it for what it was. "Yes, I do trust you!"

Shastaryn smiled, pleased that he was beginning to understand. "Now," she sighed, leaning backwards while watching his eyes as he watched her, "where were we …?" It was a long while before they joined the others back at camp for dinner.

* * *

*** A/N:** Sir Walter Scott, _Marmion_, 1808. The quote is apparently misattributed to the Great Bard himself, and I will openly admit to having made that mistake! Live and learn, even as we get older! [to quote Sean Connery in _The Untouchables_: here endeth the lesson.] =D


	22. Regrets and Resolutions

_ A HUGE shoutout to Erynnanr for all of her patience, support and input on the next three chapters! Couldn't have done it without you, Sweetie! If you have not read __**Soulmates**__ yet, please do! It is absolutely fabulous! She also has started her prequel story to Soulmates, __**The First Cut is Always the Deepest**__ and __**Whispering Sighs of the Blade**__ which follows the companions and their impressions of Kaidana Cousland._

_ Also a shoutout to Deeca's __**Revelations**__ which I find quite fascinating, and Miri1984's new one called __**Of Wardens and Mages**__. Thanks to all who have added me and/or my story to their alerts! I am so glad you are enjoying the journey!_

_ Bioware owns it, I'm just rearranging it to fit my needs!_

_

* * *

_

Shastaryn was the first to rise the next morning, her thoughts still ruminating over the events of the previous day. In an attempt to focus her attention as well as to see to the necessities of camp life, she decided that she would begin the breakfast preparations. It was while she was doing this that Wynne roused herself and joined the young elf at the fire. Shastaryn handed her friend a cup of tea and sat back with her own, content with her preparations for the moment. She chatted with Wynne, listening as the older woman began telling a tale from her younger days at the Tower.

Wynne, however, could tell that something was troubling the girl. "Obviously, I need some lessons from our resident bard if I cannot keep your attention focused on my story, young lady!" she teased with mock severity.

Shastaryn blushed and ducked her head in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Wynne!" she apologized immediately. "No, your story-telling skills are quite excellent, no lessons from Leliana are necessary. I was just … thinking."

Wynne leaned forward, her concern growing. This young woman had taken the weight of an entire nation, the entirety of Thedas, upon her shoulders without question and had been leading the charge to defeat the Blight. While others would have protested, would have stumbled, Shastaryn Tabris had not. She had shouldered the burden and started on the path to do what must be done. Along the way, she had assisted her fellow companions with their troubles, their concerns, and even celebrated their successes. For her to begin showing signs of … doubt? … at this point concerned Wynne greatly. "Is something troubling you, child?"

Shastaryn shrugged in a non-committal sort of way. "I wouldn't necessarily say that something specific is troubling me," she explained, "but I was thinking about … regrets … in general."

Wynne nodded while taking another sip of tea. "Ah," she murmured in understanding. "I suppose," she said after a moment, "that one can't get through life without having at least a few regrets. But surely someone as young as you can't have all that many to worry about!"

Shastaryn turned towards the mage. Smiling, she replied, "Oh, I'm sure I have my fair share, and will have more to add to the list, no doubt, before this," she spread her hands wide, careful not to slosh the liquid out of the cup, "is all over and done with."

Wynne nodded, silently agreeing. _How could she not?_ the mage wondered. _She is our leader, she is the one making all of the tough choices. How could she not have regrets?_ Refocusing her wandering attention, Wynne leaned towards Shastaryn slightly and murmured, "I too have regrets. One in particular, I think, shall always trouble me."

Shastaryn's eyebrow rose in question, and Wynne proceeded to explain about her first ever student, an elf mage named Aneirin. Aneirin, like Shastaryn, had come from an alienage and had trouble adjusting to life at the Circle. Wynne, it seemed, had not been able to translate her own personal experiences growing up within the Tower as an apprentice into a warm working relationship with Aneirin. "It's odd," Wynne finally said as she came to the end of her tale, "that in the end I believe Aneirin ended up more as my teacher than I his. It was this experience that benefited all of the apprentices who came later."

Shastaryn was seated with her knees bent up, arms folded around them and her chin resting atop her knees. Wynne smiled to herself. The elf looked to be the attentive student! "Whatever became of Aneirin?" she asked.

Wynne shook her head. "The Templars went in search of him, using his phylactery as a guide. But, when they returned, I never could get an answer as to what had happened, whether they had been successful or not, whether Aneirin was alive or not."

The rest of the companions began gathering for the morning meal, so Wynne and Shastaryn discontinued their conversation. Wynne did assist the elf, however, in serving up hot steaming bowls of porridge with dried fruit and nuts and honey drizzled on top. Once the meal was completed, and everyone satisfactorily fed, they packed up their camp and started on the return trip through the Brecilian Forest to the Dalish camp.

* * *

It was not much after they had begun their journey, shortly after passing the mad hermit's old camp that they happened upon a lone elf near a small campfire. Shastaryn had taken point for a while, preferring a bit of distance from the others, some time for thought as she continued to process internally the events that had occurred in the ruins between Zathrian and the Lady of the Forest, when she literally almost stumbled into the man. He seemed to pop out in front of her without any warning at all.

With a smile of greeting, the red-headed, tattooed man greeted her. "My apologies if I have startled you."

Shastaryn shook her head and smiled back. "You didn't, not really," she assured him. She noted that he was wearing leather armor, but he was armed with only a staff. _A mage. _Frowning slightly, she told him, "I'm Shastaryn Tabris."

The man smiled in a friendly manner and was about to respond when he caught sight of something behind Shastaryn. Turning, she found her companions moving up to join them, and Wynne's warm gaze narrowing in on the stranger. "Aneirin?" she murmured incredulously. Then, taking another step closer, "It _is_ you!"

Shastaryn turned in time to see the smile on the man's face widen. "I remember you …," he responded. "Your face is … familiar to me …. Wynne?"

Wynne's smile grew, and Shastaryn thought she could see a weight lifted from the woman's shoulders. Turning, Shastaryn gestured the others off and away so that the two mages could talk. She led the rest of the companions back towards the hermit's old camp.

"What was that all about?" Alistair asked her as they set their gear down for what would obviously be a temporary halt in their journey.

Shastaryn smiled up at him. "Regrets and … resolution," she replied softly. At his look of confusion, she simply smiled and turned to the group to begin explaining the conversation she and Wynne had shared that morning around the campfire.

After giving Wynne and Aneirin some time to talk, they companions returned to the site where Aneirin's camp was located. It was clear upon arrival that the two were saying their goodbyes. Shastaryn approached them and said softly, "Wynne? We could stay longer if you like."

Wynne smiled warmly and appreciatively at her, but shook her head. "No, we have things that must be done and we have spent quite enough time on my personal problems!" She turned to Aneirin and said, "If you change your mind, Aneirin, I am sure Irving would find a way to bring you back to the Circle."

Aneirin smiled and replied, "I might just do that. I have fond memories of Irving, and as I recall, he was a reasonable man. I will have to give it some thought."

Moments later, Shastaryn and her friends were on their way back towards the Dalish camp once more.

* * *

Shastaryn briefly spoke with Lanaya, Zathrian's apprentice and newly appointed keeper of the Dalish. After receiving promises of assistance with the blight, she suggested that Shastaryn and her companions stay the evening and celebrate the reaffirmation of the treaty. There would be a feast, music, revelries….

Shastaryn wavered just a bit. The offer was tempting, and she knew her friends needed … no, _deserved_ a break and rest. "Keeper, I am afraid we shall have to pass your most considerate invitation. We must return to Redcliffe as quickly as possible. Now that we have our allies in order, we must begin preparations for the final battle." She saw Lanaya nod in understanding. "Please bring your troops to Redcliffe when you are ready. We suspect that the attack will occur in that general area, so the castle will be our launching area."

"We will be there, Warden," Lanaya promised. "Perhaps after the archdemon is defeated and the Blight has been ended we shall be able to celebrate together."

Shastaryn smiled at the thought. _That will be some party indeed_, she thought. After a few last words and saying her goodbyes, Shastaryn joined the others who had been seated around a fire listening to an elven story-teller. When she arrived, she briefly thought about changing her mind. She, like the others, was exhausted, almost bone weary. But they had a long way to go and still much to do. She watched as Alistair rose and walked to her side. Smiling at him, she announced, "It is time for us to leave. Redcliffe awaits."


	23. Hazards of the Job

_This is an idea I've had for a while and I've just been looking for the right place to put it. _

_Thanks to all who have read, reviewed and favorited! You guys rock and make my day! You humble me and also inspire me to new heights and new ideas! _

_Thanks to Erynnar for being my beta for this and for allowing me to chat with her online an interrupt her own writing process!_

_As always, Bioware is king of the playground and I'm just playing with it a bit!_

* * *

It happened on their return journey to Redcliffe.

Almost the entire southern region of Ferelden was now at risk of darkspawn attack so it was no surprise when the attack came. At the conclusion of the battle, Leliana shouldered her bow and glanced around the field to note the damage done. Darkspawn dead were everywhere. Pools of fresh blood, the stench ….

She saw Morrigan moving in the direction of the Mabari on the far side of the field and knew that, despite her comments to the contrary, Morrigan did care about the animal … in her own way.

She could make out Sten surveying the battlefield, occasionally prodding a hurlock or genlock or other creature in order to make sure nothing remained breathing.

Alistair was gently assisting Wynne over to a nearby fallen log to sit and rest. Leliana smiled to herself. Despite her years, Wynne was a great contributor to the group, and Alistair treated her with the affection one would expect of a favorite grandson which, truth be known, Wynne allowed because of her own fondness for the ex-Templar.

Oghren and Zev both were checking for any potential booty that their enemies had dropped along the way, aside from any coin they might find they were also looking for supplements to their own supplies.

And Shastaryn ….

Frowning, Leliana surveyed the field again…. and felt her pulse rate increase. Where was their fearless leader? Where was the young elven beauty who was so scarred by life yet never seemed to let that keep her from being so determined in her efforts to end the Blight and save the people of Ferelden? Where was …

"Oh, Maker, no!" she breathed, her gaze drawn to an immobile lump on the far side of the field. "Alistair!" she cried out. She started moving, picking up speed by foot as well as in prayer …. _Maker, keep her safe! Maker, keep her well! Maker, keep her with us!_

Alistair heard Leliana's cry, heard the sharp, pained call as it echoed across the field. His gaze snapping immediately towards his friend, he found her running towards the far end of the field. Concern crossed his features as he started in the same direction, watching as Leliana reached her destination and suddenly dropped to the ground, leaning over something, … someone…. He was picking up speed when he remembered who had been on that side of the field during the battle. "_**NO!**_" he roared, dropping his sword and shield and continuing on as fast as he could given the heavy armor he wore.

When he neared, Leliana jumped to her feet and spun around to insert herself between Shastaryn and Alistair in order to stop his advance. "Gently," she told him before stepping aside. "She still breathes. Can you carry her or do you want me to call for Sten?"

Alistair said not a word, simply stepped around Leliana, knelt down and lifted the young woman into his arms as carefully and gently as he could. Rising, he then turned and silently headed back in the direction of Wynne. He needed Wynne. Only the elder mage could assist with this. _Please, Maker,_ he prayed as he hurried as much as he possibly could, _please let her live! I can't lose her! Not now!_ Leliana followed quickly after him, retrieving his sword and shield as she passed by, his concerns elsewhere for the moment.

The other companions, after noting what was occurring, moved in the same direction until all had surrounded Alistair, Wynne and the young woman who had taken on the entirety of Thedas and united them in their efforts to defeat the Blight. Morrigan was the first to speak. "We should move away from this field to set up camp. We will need a fire, the tents, supplies …. When she regains herself, she will wish things to be as usual…." Several of the others nodded in assent.

"Yes," Sten agreed immediately, his stoic features only slightly betraying his concern. "But we will need seclusion and security. Before we arrived here, we passed an ideal spot." He started off in a direction from whence they had arrived. After some time, he turned south, then east before arriving at a small, open field and directed Zev, Oghren and Leliana to set up tents. Morrigan, for the moment forgetting her separate area, assisted with Shastaryn's. Alastair followed at a much slower stride, Wynne keeping pace near his side doing what she could to keep Shastaryn alive until they could get her somewhere safer. Rafion followed on the man's other side, worried whines his only complaint of concern for his master. When they arrived in the camp, Leliana gestured to the tent she had just erected when they arrived. "It is hers," she added, holding the flap open so that both Wynne and Alistair could enter.

Alistair watched as Leliana followed them inside, and laid out Shastaryn's bedroll so that he could lay her down on top of it. "Thanks," he choked out before carefully, gently laying his burden on the blanket. Leliana left them then, leaving Wynne and Alistair to tend to their leader. As she did so, she silently sent her prayers to the Maker.

Kneeling beside Shastaryn, Alistair suddenly realized he was at a loss as to what to do. This was beyond the simple injury kits he and the others carried in their packs for emergency purposes. "Wh-what do you need me to do, Wynne?" he finally managed while watching the elderly mage set her things nearby.

Wynne glanced at the concerned young man and wondered if he was up to the challenge. Taking a deep breath, she decided. "Alistair, I know what Shastaryn means to you, and I know that you want everything possible done for her." She reached a hand out to touch his arm and continued, "With that in mind, I am going to ask you to leave. Now. Leave and let me do what has to be done. Please send in Leliana and Morrigan. They will be able to assist me. You should not be watching this."

Swallowing with difficulty, Alistair looked into her elderly gaze for any guidance. "Wynne, I –"

Wynne smiled warmly. "Go, Alistair," she told him softly, gently, encouragingly. "I will allow you back in once she is on her way to healing. And, I promise," she told him earnestly, "she will be healing when you return."

Rising to his feet, Alistair nodded once, turned and then left. Wynne knelt next to the young woman whom she had come to regard as almost a daughter. "My dear," she murmured as she started to work, "you have us all in a tailspin right now. Let's see what we can do about changing that, shall we? Your full cooperation is not only expected, but will be greatly appreciated by this old woman."

Outside the tent once again, Alistair found and asked Morrigan and Leliana to assist Wynne, then he went to set up his own gear hoping that it would be distraction enough. Working silently and alone, he desperately tried to banish his worries and not think about what might be. _Not again!_ he insisted as he lashed the canvas to the poles of his tent. _I'm just starting to move on after Duncan's death, please, Andraste, don't take her from me as well! She means so much more!_

Zevran noticed Alistair's solitary existence, yet decided that his human friend would not appreciate either his conversation or assistance. Instead, in a moment of compassion and perhaps even pity, he instead suggested to Oghren that they go hunting for the evening meal. If nothing else, they could find a rabbit or fowl of some sort with which to make a healing broth for Shastaryn's recovery. After a brief conversation with Sten, they collected Shale and set off.

Sten watched Alistair from the fire where he was trying to establish the main camp blaze. He thought about offering guidance to the young man who would, inevitably, one day be king of Ferelden, yet decided against it. Though their friendship was improving, Sten did not want to belabor the younger man's suffering. He had, at first, not approved of the relationship between Wardens, yet like the others in their group, he had grown to reluctant approval as he watched their relationship strengthen, blossom and develop into something more. That it helped both in their duties as Wardens was not in question. It also did not seem to hurt morale of their small group either.

Alistair, stripped now of his armor and wearing more comfortable clothing, left the seclusion of his tent and found only Sten standing near the fire. Without a word, he approached the giant and began assisting him with the fire. He found the axe nearby and, after removing his shirt, began laying into the limbs that had been gathered, sincerely hoping that the physical release would do more to calm his nerves. Neither man spoke.

* * *

Morrigan gestured Leliana towards the doorway before rising to her own feet. She gazed over at the elder mage and asked, "Do you require assistance to leave, or will you remain here?"

Tired though she was, Wynne managed a small smile. They might not care for each other much, but Wynne noted that the younger, wilder woman was making an effort to be civil during this crisis. "I will remain for now. Please, Morrigan, send Alistair in. I told him he could return once she was settled."

Nodding, Morrigan turned to leave.

Alistair jumped as he saw Leliana and Morrigan exiting Shastaryn's tent. Leliana was carrying the leather armor that Shastaryn had been wearing, now bloodied and damaged. He watched her walk in the direction of her tent. Morrigan on the other hand …. His breath catching, he yanked his tunic back over his head and was about to speak when he saw Morrigan turn towards him. "You may enter," she told him, her tone neutral. "Wynne still remains to keep vigil, but she asked that you be allowed to return."

Swallowing past the sudden lump in his throat, he managed, "How is she? Shastaryn, that is? And Wynne?"

Morrigan sighed, but nodded. "Wynne is exhausted, Alistair," she told him earnestly, "though she will not admit to it. She needs rest, yet refuses to leave her charge's side until the danger is past. Shastaryn, on the other hand …."

Alistair tried to read Morrigan's look, but as usual was unable to do so. "Yes?"

Morrigan sighed and shook her head sorrowfully. "I will be completely honest with you, Shastaryn was very severely injured. What she has suffered this day is even worse than when Flemeth rescued you both from the Tower of Ishal. Even with the assistance of Wynne's healing magic, which is quite considerable even compared to my mother's, Shastaryn will require some time to heal, and even then …."

"But, she will heal, right?" he asked, panic rising.

Morrigan shrugged. "That is a question for Wynne. I am not a healer, per se. I can assist with simple injures and ailments. Wynne is the one who will be able to answer your questions." She saw the crestfallen look on Alistair's face. Going against her better judgment, she reached a hand out and set it gently upon Alistair's arm. "Have faith, Alistair. Both you and she believe in the same Maker, the same Prophet. Believe in that, if you must, and it shall help you through your trying times."

Startled into silence, Alistair simply watched as Morrigan turned and went to establish her own camp, apart from the others, muttering something about the stupidity of people who rely on the falsehoods of religion to make their way through their lives.

Wynne glanced up as the tent flap was pulled aside. Even out of his armor and in more comfortable clothing, Alistair's presence still filled the small area. Smiling wearily, she gestured for the young king to approach. "It is hard to say," she told him as he knelt down next to the young noblewoman, "just how much assistance I was able to provide. I believe Shastaryn will be all right, given time to heal, but she will require much rest for the immediate future."

Alistair felt tears leaking out of his eyes, but refused to brush them away. "And you?" he asked hoarsely. "Don't you need to rest after your efforts today, Wynne? Maker knows we can't afford to lose you either."

Chuckling softly, Wynne replied, "Thank you for thinking of me, Alistair. Yes, I will need to rest soon, but I want to be sure she is out of danger before I leave her." Wynne sighed softly and added, "Like you, I have come to value and rely upon her leadership skills."

Both were silent for a brief moment with their own thoughts. "May I lie down beside her?" he asked at last. Glancing up at Wynne's amused smile, he blushed to the tips of his ears and added, "Just-just to be close to her, not for anything … else…."

Wynne nodded, struggling not to laugh aloud. "By all means."

Alistair pulled back the blanket covering Shastaryn and moved closer to her. In the process of adjusting his position next to her, he noticed the bandages, bruises and variety of scars that covered the young woman's body. Carefully, slowly, he slid an arm around the young woman's waist and pulled her body back against his own in an effort to both provide protection, albeit inconsequential protection at this point, as well as warmth. Despite the heat of the day outside, her young body felt freezing as it rested against his own.

Wynne simply smiled as she watched Alistair drift off into a fitful sleep beside the woman he loved. He thought she and the others couldn't tell, but Wynne knew, just as she knew that both Wardens would have much to overcome in the days ahead. She wondered if the younger Warden was aware of Alistair's feelings, and if she had healed enough to return them….

* * *

Shastaryn groaned as she moved in her sleep, but settled down once more when she felt the weight of Alistair's familiar strength against her ….

_Alistair__ turned to face her. Gently, he reached out and placed something in her hands while saying, "Here, look at this. Do you know what it is?"_

_Shastaryn stared down at the beautiful, yet well handled rose now in her hand.__ "Your new weapon of choice?" she teased gently. Unbeknownst to Alistair, she'd spied him picking the flower back in Lothering. Given his penchant for joking and teasing, she couldn't resist dishing some of it back at him._

_Alistair__ grinned wildly. "Yes, that's right! Watch as I thrash our enemies with the mighty power of floral arrangements! Feel my thorns, darkspawn! I will overpower you with my rosy scent!" He saw her giggle, the smile on her face reaching her eyes, and felt his heart leap into his throat. Maker's breath, she was beautiful! "Or, it could just be a rose." After a brief explanation of how he came upon the blossom and why he'd taken it, he told her, "I wanted you to have it. In many ways it reminds me of you, of the beauty and goodness that you bring to our group."_

_Shastaryn was startled. "You really think I'm beautiful?" she asked._

_Alistair heard the sincerity in her question and wondered at her vulnerability. Wasn't __**he**__ the one who was supposed to be vulnerable? "You know you are. And if you don't, then you should." He watched as she glanced up at him and then, when her green gaze caught his own, did he see the truth behind her words. Reaching out and taking her face between her hands, held her gently and told her quietly, "You are a beautiful woman, both physically and by the things that you do, how you care about others."_

_Smiling shyly, Shastaryn raised the hand not holding the flower to cover one of his own at her cheek. "Thank you, Alistair. This means a great deal to me. As do you…"_

Groaning, Shastaryn managed to open her eyes this time. When she tried to adjust her sleeping position, she found a large, male … _human_ arm lying around her waist …. Instincts taking over, she lurched into a seated position, not noticing as the covers slipped from her body. _No, not again! _

Alistair was started awake at her movement, and sat up as well, immediately searching for the danger and reaching for his sword that he'd set nearby … only to find that he and Shastaryn were now alone and safe in her tent. A moment later, after scrubbing the sleep and worry from his eyes turned towards his fellow Warden. "Shasta? How are you feeling?" he asked, his concern evident in his sleep-roughened voice. He reached a hand out to brush the reddish tendrils from her face and tuck them behind an ear.

Shastaryn shivered for a moment, in both fear and from the cool air that now caressed her skin. Once she realized it was Alistair next to her not Loghain's men or Vaughan Urien, that she was safe, she started to relax and take in the new injuries to her body. The one that most concerned her was located beneath her heavily wrapped upper left breast area. There was pain, of course, and she could see that the wound was seeping, but she recalled something much worse from the battle …. Battle? When? Running her hand through her now loose hair, she asked hoarsely, "H-how long have I been here?"

Alistair glanced over at the tent flaps both to assess an answer to her query as well as to keep himself from gazing too long at her enticing frame. From the small gap he could see that the sun was just beginning to set beyond the barrier. "A day and a half," he told her. He urged her to lay back and rest, pulling the blanket back over her upper body to keep her from catching a chill. "How are you feeling?" he asked as he tucked her back in. "Do you need anything? Are you in any pain? Do you want me to fetch Wynne for you?"

Staring up into his worried gaze, Shastaryn placed a finger to his lips in order to keep him quiet. Sighing softly, she whispered, "Alistair, I will be fine." She felt the shudder that raced through his well-muscled body and she glanced more deeply into his worried gaze. "Alistair? What is it?"

Alistair didn't know where to begin or what to say. "I-" He mentally counted to ten and hoped that it would help him focus. Adjusting his position so that he could pull her into his arms, he gently but firmly gave her a heartfelt hug and, leaning towards her, he whispered, "Maker's breath, Shasta, I thought I'd lost you! I-" he had to pause as his voice cracked. "I was afraid it would be Duncan and Ostagar all over again, … only much worse this time …."

Surprisingly quickly for someone with such severe injuries, Shastaryn turned in his arms and threw her good one around him. She knew all too well what he must have gone through, and she felt real pain and regret that she had worried him so. "Alistair, I'm so sorry!" Pulling back so that she could gaze into his eyes – eyes that she always felt as if she would drown in – she touched his cheek with her good hand and told him, "You know I wasn't afraid when I took that axe strike. I _knew_ that you would find me, that you would get to me in time." She smiled warmly, watching as he seemed to calm. "I trust you, remember?"

Shastaryn sighed and leaned against his chest. She took a moment, absorbing his love and his warmth, reveling in the feel of his arms around her. After a while she asked, "Is everyone else all right?"

"Ah, our fearless leader has returned!" Alistair exclaimed, realizing that if she was ready to move on to the conditions of their companions, she had moved on from concern about her own injuries.

She laughed softly. "I will take that as a yes." Sitting up once more, with more assistance from him than she would have liked but accepted without comment, she tried to make herself comfortable. At the same time, Alistair filled her in on what had transpired after the battle had ended the afternoon before. He adjusted their positions so that she leaned against him for support, resting her body and allowing it to heal.

Clearly needing the time to rest and relax in order to recover, Shastaryn took that time to revel in the strength of his arms around her, of the love that he held for her. She was surprised at how … right it felt, how the comfort and knowledge that he would be there for her at every turn helped to strengthen her and restore her energy. It didn't matter anymore that he was a shemlen and she was an elf.

After a time, Wynne came by the tent to check on them. She waved Alistair back when he would have risen to assist her, and began to examine the bandages that Shastaryn now sported. "My dear," she told the younger woman gravely, "these old bones can only take so much excitement at any given time!"

Shastaryn's breath caught as Wynne adjusted the bandage around her wound and caused a sharp pain to rise. "I-I'm sorry, Wynne," she hissed through clenched teeth, turning her head into Alistair's shoulder in an effort to keep from screaming aloud with the pain.

When the intense throbbing finally lessened, Shastaryn felt as if she might pass out simply from the effort it had taken to remain quiet. She saw Wynne settle back, obviously wanting to speak with her. Shastaryn frowned, then saw the slightest of gestures. Realization hit her in an instant. Turning to Alistair, Shastaryn murmured, "Alistair, would you please get me something to eat and drink?"

Wynne nodded in agreement. "Why don't you ask Leliana to make the herbal tea I laid out. It has all kinds of healing properties that would be good … for the both of you."

Alistair suspected something else was going on, but he agreed to do the errand nonetheless. Moments later, as the flap fell closed on the tent, Shastaryn turned towards Wynne. "You obviously have something you want to discuss with me," she murmured. She hoped it wasn't anything to do with the relationship that she and Alistair's shared. Wynne had made it clear early on that she didn't approve, but Shastaryn had thought that, once Wynne finally admitted her fault and apologized the issue was closed.

Wynne nodded. "Yes, indeed I do," she replied evenly. "As I said, the tea will be good for the _both of you_." She saw Shastaryn's eyebrow rise in question... and settle in understanding, her almost bronzed features now paling considerably. "While I was healing you the other day, I came across something that I felt you needed to be made aware of …."


	24. The Birthday Gift

_This little idea came to me as I was hunting for something to bind up my hair one morning. I had purchased a 'hairpin' for lack of a better term at the local drugstore months before but I hadn't bothered to use it. Pulling it out, I played with it a few minutes and figured out how to make it work then set off for the day. When I began writing this story, and realized my character had hair long enough for it, I then sought a way to make an item that would be … multi-tasking …._

_Thanks to all who have read, favorited, alerted and reviewed! Your continued support keeps me going!_

_Thanks as well to Erynnar who lets me bug her in chat all the time and is willing to share ideas, music and other insightful knowledge that leads to what you find in these chapters!_

_Bioware is king of the playground, they just let me play a bit!_

_

* * *

_

They made camp that evening in an area they had used before. It was about half a day's journey from Redcliffe, and they all agreed that it would be better to arrive during daylight just in case they should encounter any trigger-happy archers guarding the castle.

That night, they had an early meal, preferring to make their preparations for the next day after they had eaten. Armor was then pulled out and cleaned, weapons sharpened and honed, and packs reorganized. Once they reached Redcliffe, they realized that they would most likely be heading to Denerim if Arl Eamon had called the Landsmeet as he had indicated on their previous visit. That being said, they knew that some of their extraneous equipment could be left behind at the castle until their return. Having things organized ahead of time, Shastaryn felt, would allow them to get onto the road to Denerim that much faster.

After her detailed discussion with Wynne a few days previously, Shastaryn was slowly coming to terms with the changing … state of things. She smiled, sitting at the fire and sharpening her blades. As she cleaned, and her armor would be next after the blades, she felt her thoughts drifting off ….

Alistair took a seat beside Shastaryn after a while. He'd set his armor in their tent and now was working on his shield. He had noticed, since her severe battle injuries only a few days ago, that she seemed to have withdrawn from almost everyone … including him. He knew that severe injuries could lead to some soul searching. He'd seen that with other Wardens, Templars, even Redcliffe knights over the years. But with Shastaryn it was different.

Shastaryn suspected Alistair was concerned about her, she could sense it in him, yet she was not willing to speak with him about it. She knew that if she did, they would eventually end up discussing Wynne's visit … and that was something she intended to keep _very_ private for some time yet. When she set her blades aside and reached for her armor, she felt the first brush of his thoughts …. _Please, my love, talk to me!_

Shasta glanced over at him and gave him a slight smile. _I am fine. Just tired, still recovering …._ She knew that would buy her time for a while, but probably not for much longer. Sighing, she continued working on her leathers. Realizing she had left her bracers over near the tent, she stood, intending to grab them and ....

Alistair was horrified as he saw Shastaryn's body begin to crumple, nearly falling into the fire. He tossed his shield aside and lurched forward, barely grabbing her before the flames would have licked her skin. As it was, the edges of her tunic began to singe from the heat. Lifting her into his arms, he carried her over to their tent while Zevran, having viewed the entire scene, ran to get Wynne.

Shastaryn opened her eyes to find both Alistair and Wynne leaning over her, and Wynne saying, "Alistair, how am I to tend her if you will not let her go?"

Shastaryn's weak chuckle seemed to ease his mind a bit as he released his hold and allowed Wynne to move in. Wynne smiled down at the young elf and gave her a wink that Alistair could not see. "My dear, I think you need to get a bit more rest. Remember, you are recovering from some severe wounds!"

Shastaryn nodded, knowing that was only a minor part of her condition. Wynne had warned her that she might experience light-headedness as a side effect. "I – I will try to get more rest, Wynne," she promised. In fact, she was beginning to feel her like her normal self.

Alistair nodded. "I'll stay with her, make sure she rests." He then blushed furiously at the look Wynne gave him. "I promise, Wynne, just rest!"

* * *

Shastaryn discovered as she exited the tent the next morning that not only was she the last to wake up (Alistair had somehow managed to sneak out of bed and the tent without waking her) but she apparently was also the last to arrive for breakfast. The best thing she could have said at that point was that she was no longer feeling weak, light headed. True to his word, Alistair made sure she slept … _rested _the entire night.

Taking a seat next to Alistair who handed her a bowl of oatmeal with dried fruits and nuts in it, she began eating. Leliana walked around the fire pit and handed her a hot cup of tea before returning to her place on the other side. Shastaryn took a long whiff of the hot drink … and smiled. When Sten had told her of the things he missed about Seheron, this is what she imagined he was talking about; deep, rich scents, flavors, and a touch of the exotic. Very carefully, she took a sip … and sighed with pleasure at the taste. It wasn't that often that she had the chance to drink real tea.

She leaned a bit against Alistair who simply gave her a quick smile in between bites of food. Shaking her head at his enthusiasm, she decided she liked the little boy playfulness he would occasionally exude, particularly when it came to food … and cheese. This enthusiasm was infectious and occasionally was a useful tool in dealing with the other companions and their moods.

A short time later, Shastaryn came to the realization that their entire party was eating in silence. Frowning, she glanced around at each member of the group. She could sense no apprehensions, no discord. She had heard no arguments before rising. So what was going on? Her gaze drifted to Wynne, and then to Leliana …. Even Morrigan, who more often than not had no kind thing to say about anyone or anything, was silent. And, Zevran …. Hardly a moment would go by without him making an innuendo or double entendre.

Looking at her menagerie, Shastaryn was about to say something when she realized someone was missing. "Where's Rafion?" she asked.

A muffled bark came from behind her and Shastaryn set her bowl aside, turning. There stood her hound, a small leather pouch hanging from his teeth. "What's this, boy?" she asked, reaching over to take the item from him. It obviously hadn't been in his mouth long, she discovered, as the strings and the opening were not soaked with dog slobber. Reaching inside the bag, she felt two things: First she pulled out a folded piece of paper. This she opened and read: _With heartfelt thanks and love from your friends on the occasion of your birthday!_

Shastaryn gasped. Her birthday? She thought back to the last time she had seen any reference to a calendar or date …. _Maker's breath! _she thought. _It __**is**__ my birthday! _Still reeling from this revelation, Shastaryn reached into the pouch and retrieved the second item. This was in a small wooden box, not more than six inches long and three inches wide. The box itself was plain, though it had been polished to a shine and the grain of the wood was clearly visible, almost as if it were a design carved into the wood. Gently, she nudged the lid open with her fingernail, just enough so that light could leak inside and she could see ….

"Oh, my!" she breathed. She thought she heard a chuckle nearby, but couldn't tell if it was Oghren or Zevran. Taking the lid completely off of the box, she reached inside and retrieved the item off of the dark velvety material that lined the bottom. "Oh," she sighed softly, "how beautiful!"

What she found in her hand was an elaborately designed yet completely functional hair pin: there were two metal prongs – metal? No, they were made of ironbark! They looked like metal, were just as durable, but were lightweight. The prongs were about four or five inches in length, held together at one end by a curved piece of the same ironbark and shaped into the opening bud of a rose and encrusted with dark red gems to give it color and a vibrancy that echoed the shades of the rose that Alistair had given her.

"We wanted to give you back something special, Warden," Zevran told her from his position across the fire. "You have done amazing things for each of us."

"But," Leliana chimed in, "we also wanted it to be something completely functional." She rose and returned to Shastaryn's side. Gesturing to the item, Shastaryn handed it over. Leliana flipped it over to show her a hidden clasp that, when released, allowed the two prongs to separate into individual items. With a grin, she told her friend, "These can be used to unlock most mechanisms you are bound to come across."

Shastaryn was amazed at the ingenuity and craftsmanship that had gone into the hair pin. Taking the individual items from Leliana, she inspected them, then on the first try, managed to get them snapped back into place just right. With a huge grin, she reached back and began twisting her waist-length waves into a large knot at the top of her head. Holding the hair with one hand, she took the hair pin and managed to twist and weave it through her hair in such a way that it stayed in place. "Fabulous!" she declared, reaching up with both hands to feel the pin's placement and how well it held. She watched as her companions smiled and began chatting away now that their little surprise had been sprung. "Thank you, all of you," she told them with a smile.


	25. Release & Revenge

_Thanks to all for reading, reviewing and adding my stories to your favorites and alerts! I am so glad you enjoy them!_

_Thanks again to Erynnar for her work as beta! She keeps me on track and honesty! Thank you, Sweetie! I appreciate it more than you will ever know! Please check out her stories: **Soulmates, The First Cut Is Always Deepest **and **Whispering Sighs of the Blade**. She's done a tremendous job linking all of her stories to the adventures of Kaidana Cousland and gives wonderful insight into even the most minor of characters!_

_Bioware owns everything, I just get to mess around with it!_

* * *

Shastaryn and her companions had arrived at Redcliffe the day after she had been presented with her birthday gift. It was upon their arrival that Arl Eamon had announced the Landsmeet had been called and that they must now quickly travel to Denerim. The trip had taken them the best part of a week, as they had to travel at a slower pace than they had been for the previous months, but they arrived with a few days to spare before the meeting was to convene.

Shortly after their arrival, as Shastaryn, Alistair and the Arl had been about to meet and discuss their plans for the Landsmeet when Loghain himself - the self-proclaimed regent or king or whatever he was calling himself these days - flanked by Arl Rendon Howe and Loghain's second, Ser Cauthrien entered the estate. After a brief discussion in which Shastaryn remained a silent witness for the most part, the three unwelcome guests departed the estate. There had been a moment, when Loghain's lieutenant had turned on Shastaryn, growling at the elf about knowing her place, respecting her betters; and then the woman was lightly rebuffed by her lord for losing control. It was at that point that the elf had seen something she had not been expecting: She had noticed the beginnings of doubt in the other woman's eyes; doubts regarding Loghain himself. Shastaryn wondered then if this might be something that could be used to their advantage.

After that encounter, Shastaryn, Alistair and the Arl had removed themselves to the library. They spent a large part of the day knee-deep in plans and maps strewn all over the table, discussing strategy and tactics … until they were interrupted. Shastaryn glanced up, noticing Zevran and Leliana who had been placed on an informal watch about the estate, escorting another elf into the room. Before anyone could speak, the Arl looked up and recognized the new arrival. "Erlina?"

The woman nodded, stepping forward. For the moment, Zev and Leliana remained near the doorway. "Yes, your grace," she replied, her Orlesian accent thicker than even Leliana's. "I am here on a matter most urgent!"

Eamon gestured her into the room. "Please, Erlina, come in." Turning to Alistair and Shastaryn, he explained, "Erlina is Queen Anora's personal maid."

The woman nodded at the Arl, and after a quick but mostly respectful greeting, launched into an explanation for her abrupt arrival. Anora, it seemed, had grown concerned with her father's increasing erratic behavior as her regent and she had gone to speak with Arl Rendon Howe. Howe, it appeared, had imprisoned Anora, who had then begged Erlina to approach the Wardens for assistance.

Shastaryn stood silent throughout the conversation, listening to both what was and wasn't being said. She had some concerns, not the least of which was to wonder if this was a trap. _What am I missing?_

Alistair glanced over at her. She was near the table, beside Eamon and Erlina. He had wandered over to the other side near a bookshelf as he thought. _Couldn't be the fact that Anora's related by blood to the same man who is out to have us destroyed, could it?_

Shastaryn closed her eyes briefly, so that no one would observe the roll of her eyes. _We can't just assume that Anora is as bad as her father._

Alistair's sigh was almost audible simply through their connection. _ Can we risk taking the chance that she is not?_ he insisted.

Turning to face him, _No. We will not place all of our eggs in one basket._ After a moment of giving him a hard look, one of the ones he knew meant that she had made a difficult decision, he watched her turn back towards the Arl and Anora's handmaid.

"We must rescue the Queen," she announced softly but firmly. "Howe's crimes are not limited to her kidnapping, and he must be made to pay." She thought briefly of her family in the alienage, whose gates remained closed to her still. Based on the city guard's comments, she knew Howe was behind whatever was going on there. "I will meet you at the Arl's estate, Erlina."

Alistair was about to protest, but a hard glare from Shastaryn kept him from speaking. _Do you trust me?_ he heard her ask. He expected to feel anger, frustration or even humiliation at being left behind, but when she asked him that, he felt those feelings drain out, like water from an emptying tub, and he promised her, _You know that I do… completely._

Looking at Eamon now, Shastaryn announced, "Zev, please go find Morrigan. I would like her, you," he nodded, "and Leliana to go with me."

"Yes, Warden," he replied, turning to go in search of the Wilder woman. Shastaryn glanced briefly at Leliana who nodded. With a hand signal telling the Orlesian to prepare, Leliana turned and left the room, following Zev's path.

Turning her attention back to the Queen's maid, she said, "Go on ahead, Erlina. We will meet you there forthwith." With a nod at both the Arl and the Wardens, the elf turned and left. Shastaryn looked up at the Arl. "I don't know if we can trust the Queen," she said, "but if there is even the slightest chance that we can and she can assist us at the Landsmeet, I must save her."

Eamon nodded. "I understand, Warden," he replied in agreement. "I am very much afraid we _will_ need her on our side in the upcoming Landsmeet. As much as I do not want to trust her," he added, "I feel like we have no other choice." Shaking his head sadly, he turned and left the room leaving Alistair and Shastaryn alone.

Shastaryn was hesitant to look up at Alistair as he stepped towards her. She knew he would be upset with her because of her decision. Alistair reached her side, his shadow looming over her. Finally, schooling her features, she tilted her head up towards him. "I –"

Reluctantly, Alistair raised two fingers to cover her lips and keep her from talking. "Don't," he told her, the resignation clear in his voice. "I told you… I trust you." He leaned down and kissed her. "I will just have to wait here, impatiently mind you, and see you when you return. In the meantime, I'll work with Eamon some more on our strategy for the Landsmeet."

Shastaryn nodded. She turned to leave and was halfway towards the door when she turned and looked at him once more. "Alistair, If I don't –"

"Don't say it," he pleaded, and she saw the look in his eyes begging her not to finish the statement. "I will see you _when_ you get back."

With a firm nod and a slight smile, she turned and left the room.

Shastaryn found Zev, Leliana and Morrigan waiting for her in the front entry way. Leliana had grabbed Shastaryn's weapons and pack, as she had dressed in her usual armor. With one more, quick look behind her in the direction of her beloved, she faced forward and said, "Right. Let's do this."

* * *

As she had expected, the rescue of Queen Anora wound up being more difficult than it had seemed. They met Erlina and made their way into the estate through use of guards armor and weapons. Once inside the four removed the Howe devices, preferring their own methods of concealment. The three rogues relied on their stealth abilities and shadows that were available in the keep. Morrigan relied upon her shapeshifting skills to turn herself into a black, grey and white striped tabby, commonly found on the streets of Denerim. The foursome then began making their way towards the rooms where Anora was being held.

They met Erlina again at the door to Anora's room, only to find a magical ward over the barrier, effectively containing Anora inside. At this point in the game, Shastaryn had to admit, though silently, she was not in the least surprised. Deciding to follow the Queen's suggestion of locating Howe's mage, the foursome set off once more, this time further down the hall towards the Arl's personal room … off of which, they discovered, was the entry to the dungeons.

They found a captured Orlesian Grey Warden by name of Riordan being kept in the cell nearest to Howe's rooms. After a brief conversation, Shastaryn told him, "Please, make your way to the Arl of Redcliffe's Denerim estate. We can talk more upon our return."

The man, obviously malnourished and injured, most like the subject of torture, nodded in agreement and murmured, "I will do that. Thank you, and good luck to you, sister!"

Turning towards the hall leading further down into the dungeons, she murmured to her companions, "Let's end this." Without a further sound, they began their descent.

After a brief encounter just inside the doorway in which they dispatched at least a half dozen guards, Shastaryn signaled for Morrigan to take the right side of the hall with her and for Zev to take the left with Leliana. As they crept down the hall of the dungeons belonging to the Arl of Denerim, Shastaryn had the overwhelming urge to scream at … someone, who she was not sure … at the entire situation….

As they returned to Anora's rooms, Shastaryn derived an overwhelming sense of satisfaction from her confrontation with Howe. Not simply because he now lay dead on the floor of his dungeon, but also because she was able to deliver vengeance for whatever horrors the man had wrought on her home, her family and her friends, all in the name of his sick, perverted sense of "justice." What exactly that all entailed, she did not know yet, but she planned to find out as soon as she could. His words at the end when she had confronted him about his deeds had left her with a sinking feeling. "You have no … idea …!"

When Anora exited the room, she was dressed in the armor of a Howe guard. Shastaryn glanced her over and bit back the sassy comment begging to be said. But, Morrigan wasn't one to hold back. "A bit short for a guard, aren't we?" the witch queried. Shastaryn heard a giggle from Leliana and a snort of laughter from Zev. Shastaryn was more successful at her restraint. "Are you ready, your highness?"

Anora nodded and began following them towards the exit ….

… Shastaryn understood the moment they entered the hall that things would not go well. Shastaryn saw not only Loghain's lackey Ser Cauthrien, but several squads of soldiers and at least one mage …. Beneath her breath, she urged, "Your highness, I'm going to distract them. As soon as the fighting begins, head for Arl Eamon's estate."

Shastaryn didn't wait for Anora's response. She stepped forward. She'd heard Cauthrien's words to stand down, to surrender. "I will not surrender to the likes of you," she announced. At the same time, she could sense her companions slowly, carefully readying their weapons. She herself reached for hers, hands on the pommels at her waist. "If you let me pass, no harm will come to you or your men." She glared at the woman. "If you do not let me pass, I cannot make that promise."

Cauthrien sneered, looking down her nose at Shastaryn not only because she was an elf, but because she was the enemy. "You shall not pass," she roared and the battle ensued.

Shastaryn knew from the first clash of blades that she wouldn't win. Her goal in this battle was to give Anora time to escape, and then to find a way for her companions to leave unharmed. She was not going to allow anyone else to be taken down for what were considered to be "Warden's" crimes.

But that did not mean that they would not take out as many guards as possible. Shastaryn did a quick count as she danced around Cauthrien's blade, which given that the woman used a two-handed weapon wasn't too difficult. When she was satisfied that enough time had passed, and the other woman had minimal resources remaining, Shastaryn stood tall and lowered her weapons. "I yield," she announced. She heard the gasps of her friends behind her, and prayed that they would not disobey her.

Cauthrien was confused for a moment. She realized all too easily that the battle had in actuality been a draw. However, not one to throw away any advantage that fortune had its mind to toss in her direction, she lowered her weapon as well and signaled her men forward. "Take her." Turning to the others, she told them. "All we want is the Warden. Should you decide to continue fighting, however, you will join her." The three shook their heads and watched as the soldiers led Shastaryn away.

* * *

Alistair and Eamon were in the library when the announcement came that Anora had arrived at the estate. He nodded as Eamon left to attend to the Queen, and wondered how much longer it would be before Shastaryn returned with the others.

Alistair was replacing a book on a shelf near the doorway when he heard Morrigan's shrill voice in the lower hall. Frowning, he stepped out into the hall and began hunting out their location. He found them in the entry hall, now joined by Wynne, Oghren, Sten and Shale. Alistair glanced around … and did not see the red-headed elf. In his heart, he knew, but he did not want to believe. "Where is Shastaryn?" he asked as he approached the group.

Zevran lifted his gaze to the would-be king. "There have been some … complications," he managed before Alistair was suddenly in front of him, looming over him with a menacing look crossing his features.

"What do you mean … complications?" Alistair almost shouted though they were all within easy hearing distance.

Leliana stepped in then. "Someone alerted guards, Alistair," she explained, "and as we were leaving with the Queen, Ser Cauthrien showed up."

Cursing, Alistair spun on his heel.

"Where are you going?" Leliana called after him.

"Where I should have been in the first place," he returned. "I will be by her side from now on where I should have been today!"

Leliana glanced at Wynne and found the elder mage staring at Arl Eamon who was approaching Alistair and speaking to him in a hurried and almost harsh manner. Though the words could not be heard, Wynne suspected that she knew what was being said.

"No!" Alistair insisted. "Not now, not ever, Eamon!"

"Alistair, listen to reason!"

At that moment, when all else around him seemed to be falling apart, Alistair Theirin felt every bit of his royal blood flowing through his veins. "I am going to my room to get my gear. When I return, I will lead any who are willing to follow to go and rescue Shastaryn Tabris from Fort Drakon. After that, I will approach the Landsmeet. I will not discuss anything further with you, Eamon, until such a time. Is that understood?" Without further comment nor waiting for a response, Alistair stormed out of the room.

Wynne glanced down at the Orlesian bard who had remained by her side. The look they exchanged was telling. "I do believe he is ready," Wynne murmured. Leliana nodded in agreement.


	26. Captured

_I hope you enjoy my small attempt at comic relief below. I just do not have it in me to be completely and totally serious ALL the time! ;-)! I will admit that when I played through I did have Alistair with my character, but for the intents and purposes of this story, he cannot be there. So, that said, and not having another character in the game near close enough to go through the Captured! sequence, I had to make up what happens when she is imprisoned by herself. I hope I have come close to what happens ingame. If not, oh well! As Leliana would say, C'est la vie, n'est-ce pas? =D_

_Thanks as always to my readers, reviewers, those adding me to favorites and alerts! You make my day ever so much more fun and enjoyable! (just ask my husband who has to listen to be get all giddy when I get the email message!)_

_Thanks as always to Erynnar for her wonderful assistance! Our chats produce so much that ends up in these chapters and makes them so much better than they were! Thank you my dear friend!_

_Bioware owns it all, of course. I'm just here to rearrange things a bit!_

_

* * *

_

_ Cold …. Bone-chilling cold._

Shastaryn groaned and tried to roll onto her side, … only to have her breath caught by the pain that flashed through her body …. Her eyes shot open then to stare at unfamiliar surroundings. Stone, metal bars, deplorable conditions …. _Where?_ Then she remembered. _Fort Drakon …._

Slowly, carefully, she pulled herself into a seated position and noticed that she'd been separated from her armor, her weapons, and any other gear that might be of assistance to an escape attempt. She tried to stretch a bit, to determine her range of motion, to evaluate her injuries. Though there was pain, and she found bruises forming where she didn't expect them, she considered herself very lucky overall. She struggled to her feet and limped her way over to the nearby bench. Once seated, at least slightly above the muck and filth upon the floor, she found it a bit easier to concentrate on her surroundings.

Taking a long moment to sort through her aches and pains, she soon found herself frowning. There was a slight … brushing of sensation, something completely unfamiliar and yet all too familiar at the same time…. It felt almost as if …. Shastaryn glanced out through the bars of the cell, towards the bolted door there. Could he really be just on the other side …? Already? How long had she been here lying unconscious upon the floor …? _Alistair?_

A few moments later, she realized that it couldn't possibly be. Not only had he not responded, but there was no movement, no indication other than the strange feeling ….

_Oh, my!_ Shastaryn realized with a start of surprise. Despite her surroundings, her present circumstances, she felt her hands dropping to her belly, as yet unchanged, and rested them there. _Is that you, da'len?_ She felt the pressure increase for a brief moment before fading back. It was lighter and less … organized than Alistair's touch, but it was just noticeable, at least to her. She smiled, pulling the feeling close, hugging it to her heart. _I'm to be a mamae!_

A loud, crashing sound outside the room brought Shastaryn out of her reveries, along with sudden, harsh barking. At the interruption, Shastaryn felt the presence fade from her senses, and realized that the child was not far enough along to make a prolonged presence felt. Sighing, but holding the fleeting emotions close to her heart, she glanced around and began to truly evaluate her surroundings.

As she was only left in her small clothes, she realized the first thing she'd need to find upon escape would be some sort of armor … and a weapon…. _But how to get out?_ she wondered. She rose and walked slowly to the huge oaken door that sealed her cell. It had a locking mechanism accessible from her side of the barricade. _Now, if only …._

Shastaryn felt like smacking her forehead when she suddenly remembered. _Zev would give me hell!_ Reaching up, she felt beneath her the thick, heavy tresses that were held in place by the metal hairpin that doubled as a lockpicking kit. It had been a gift from her friends just days earlier. Sheepishly, she hoped they never discovered that she had forgotten its secondary use!

Thus removed, the heavy curtain of hair fell down her back and actually, provided quite a bit of warmth to her skin. She took a knee by the door and began to maneuver the mechanism, trying to move quickly though she knew she had never used them in such a manner before and therefore was unsure of what type of touch she would have to use ….

…. a soft click could be heard, and Shastaryn removed the pins, replacing them into their pin shape and then taking a brief moment to bind her hair once more. No need to take chances on providing something that could be used as a weapon against her. She raised her hand to the door then, and pushed …

Moments later, she was stepping into her boots, having found an unlocked chest containing both her armor and weapons. Obviously, no one had expected escape or they would have locked the thing. Straightening once more, she pulled her weapons, Duncan's dagger and his longsword that Alistair had insisted she use, and placed her ear up against the barricade to the next room.

* * *

Shastaryn knew she was going to have to take some chances or she would never get out of Fort Drakon alive. Looking down at the now deceased bodies of two guards and a mabari hound, Shastaryn reached over and removed the men's armor. One was a poor fit, but the other she thought might work for her purpose.

After changing out her own armor, Shastaryn ducked back into the room containing the chest where she had found it with her weapons. Inside the chest was a bag that the armor had been in, which she now replaced and hoisted over her shoulder. Then, donning the helm belonging to the guard, she headed out towards the next doorway.

As she was approaching a T-junction in the hall, she came upon two men who appeared to be leaving at the same time. "Oi!" one of them said in greeting. "Who're you?"

Shastaryn took a deep breath and prayed silently before saying, "Colonel's asked me to run him an errand. I'm to go with you."

The first man glanced at his companion who shrugged with indifference. "All right, then," the first man finally said. "Let's get on with it."

Shastaryn fell in behind the men, almost shocked at how easy it had been to convince them. She marched behind them, still wary just in case they had somehow managed to figure out she was an escapee. But, as they marched, passing the first checkpoint and then entering the barracks, Shastaryn began to realize that not only had her luck held, but that the two men she had fallen in with were actually … two of the _stupidest _people she had ever met, and that was saying quite a bit.

_They are depriving some village of their idiot!_ her mother used to say. At the time, Shastaryn had wondered what her mother meant, but as she followed these two, and listened to their inane conversation while struggling not to roll her eyes every other moment, she understood all too well.

Once they passed the final checkpoint and were stepping outside, she heard one of the men mention that they didn't remember where they were supposed to patrol. Shaking her head part in amusement and part in disgust, she took a deep breath and said, "I believe it was the area around The Pearl?"

"Oi! That's right," the other one said, hitting his companion in the arm. Glancing at her, he asked, "You comin' with us?"

Shastaryn was biting her lip … hard. "Nah," she returned, lifting the sack she carried. "Colonel wants this fixed up by Wade."

"Right. See ya 'round then," he said, turning to lead his partner off in the direction of The Pearl.

Shastaryn frowned and struggled to contain the laughter she felt threatening to bubble over. "Um," she called out, gesturing in the opposite direction, "thataway." She watched as their gazes crinkled in confusion. "The Pearl," she repeated. "It's thataway."

"Right!"

Shastaryn finally gave up wasting any time on the men as she turned away. _I so want to bust some heads!_ she thought almost viciously. Then she remembered Wynne's comment to her several days before, about mood swings and wondered if this was what she had meant. She had taken just a couple of steps when she sensed someone's laughter …. _Alistair?_

Alistair stepped out of the shadows where Zevran and Leliana had told him to stay. He watched as she walked up at him and noticed his look of surprise. "Took you long enough!" she teased but softened it with a smile.

Alistair pulled her close, his arms tight against her back. _Interesting crew you were with!_ He felt her mental laugh at his comment before saying, _I'll tell you all about it later!_

He didn't realize how hard his grip had become until he felt her cringe, which caused him to loosen his hold immediately. Moving her to arm's length, he surveyed her. "Are you all right?" He watched her eyes suddenly become hooded, almost as if shutting him out.

Shastaryn nodded. "Some bruises, the usual … battle damage," she told him, following him, Zevran, Leliana, Wynne and Morrigan as they left the prison courtyard. Glancing around, she asked, "Where are Sten, Oghren, Shale and Rafion?"

Leliana spoke up. "They are back at the estate. We decided success would be better with smaller numbers." She smiled warmly while reaching for the bag of armor that Shastaryn had been carrying. "We just didn't realize how small a number!"

Alistair almost laughed at her look of confusion. "We didn't think you'd be able to escape on your own," he clarified. He still had a grip on her hand as they walked, albeit quickly, in the direction of the Arl's estate.

Shastaryn thought she heard … disappointment? Glancing up at him, she could see something in his eyes … hurt? Smiling at him, trying to reassure him and the others, she said simply, "But, I did have help." She laughed at their looks, the confusion now on their features, the disdain for the fellows who had just left. Obviously they had heard the conversation. Now, though, as they walked along, she reached up and pulled out the hairpin, her hair falling to her waist once more. Holding the device up so they could see it, she replied, "It works perfectly!"

Her companions openly laughed, Alistair pulling her close to his side for a hug. "Let's go home," he said.

Shastaryn nodded. "Yes, let's."

* * *

Back at the estate, Wynne insisted upon examining Shastaryn briefly before any further meetings or conversations, and Shastaryn reluctantly agreed. The mage handed her a healing potion to assist with some of the bruising, the soreness, the general aches and pains of a brutal handling at the hands of soldiers who were meant to imprison, torture, and even kill their prisoners.

It was during this process that Shastaryn, in a hushed voice as Alistair was just on the other side of the door, explained to Wynne both the mood swings she'd encountered and the … touch of her child. She looked up at Wynne, tears threatening, and whispered, "Does that mean the child will be … more like … a darkspawn?"

Wynne pulled the young woman close and hugged her. "I do not believe so, Shastaryn," she hurried to reassure her. "Remember, the blood that both you and Alistair drank during the Joining ceremony had been transformed by magic. That is why you can live for thirty years or so before having to deal with the effects of the taint on your bodies. I think what you are feeling from the child is the taint, but as altered by both of your experiences. I do not believe that you will have any problems with the child being anything but a child with the Grey Warden version of the taint in them."

Shastaryn nodded, pulling back so she could calm herself, make herself presentable. "Right," she said, mostly to herself. She took a deep breath. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there."

Wynne smiled. "That's the spirit!" she encouraged. "Now, I believe Eamon and the Queen wished to see you and Alistair in the library."

Shastaryn nodded, but before leaving reached out and squeezed Wynne's hands warmly. "Thank you, Wynne," she whispered. "I would not be able to do this without you."

Wynne patted her girl's cheek in a purely motherly way. "I'm sure you would do fine, my girl, but I am always glad to help! Now, shoo!" She pointed to her bag that was laying nearby. "I have a book the Arl has lent to me that I am going to read while you are in your … negotiations."

Shastaryn groaned. How she hated politics! "Right. I'll see you later, then." Turning, she left the room and joined Alistair. Moments later they walked in the direction of the library.


	27. Returning Home

_I finally managed to get my game to the city elf returning to the alienage! Much of what is written below is either word for word or paraphrased dialogue from this particular part of the game, with additional insight and interpretation from me!_

_Thanks to Erynnar as always for her everlasting support and beta skills! you are ab-fab, Sweetie! Please check out her stories if you have not already. It was her story, __**Soulmates**__ that inspired me to bring Shastaryn's story to the FF site in the first place!_

_As always, Bioware owns it all!_

_

* * *

_

Shastaryn hesitated a bit before walking through the open gate. _So many memories_, she thought. _So many issues left unresolved. It seems like a lifetime ago._ A part of her wanted to turn and flee and never return. Another part of her wanted Alistair to take her hand, reassure her that everything would be okay. Instead, she took a deep breath, straightened her posture, and stepped forward through the gateway.

Alistair was not sure what to expect when they entered the Alienage, but what he found seemed to be worse than anything he could have ever imagined on his own. Piles of garbage scattered about, dilapidated buildings and other structures that looked like they would collapse with hardly a breath of wind…. He glanced over at Leliana and Wynne and Zevran. They had brought a small group this time, in the hopes that the fewer in number they were, the less attraction they would bring upon themselves.

As they walked down the main pathway, near her old house, Shastaryn paused next to her father's abode. A part of her wanted to enter, to see the familiar features that had guided her through life until so recently. Yet, another part of her was afraid to bring up old memories for Cyrion. She remembered all too well how much difficulty he'd had after Adaia's death, the sadness in his eyes when his only child was forced into exile. She felt a hand on her arm and turned towards Alistair. He nodded at the house, a question in his eyes. _My father's home, my love_, she told him. Then, swallowing her fears and gathering her courage, she opened the door and led them inside.

At first, she thought the house empty, yet when she moved further in, she saw a familiar face. "Soris?" she gasped.

Soris glanced over at the intruders and gasped in recognition. Acting on instinct, he crossed the room and pulled Shastaryn close for a warm hug. "Cousin!" he cried, delighted to see her once again. "It's so good to see you well! We didn't know what to make of the news out of Ostagar! And then Arl Howe led a purge of the alienage as vengeance for Vaughan's death …."

She ignored the direction of his conversation knowing that they didn't have much time. Glancing around the house further, she asked, "Where is Cyrion? I had hoped to see my father." She noticed Soris' expression fall. "Soris, what has happened? Where is he?"

Sighing, Soris told her, "Your father, and Valora, they've both been taken to the hospice. They have the plague. Go find Shianni. She can explain."

Shastaryn was a bit stunned at his response, but nodded and turned to leave. "Now that was strange," she muttered as the five adventurers left the building.

"Something wrong?" Leliana asked.

"Hmm? Oh! I'm not quite sure. We need to find my cousin, Shianni. According to Soris, she is the one with the answers."

"What does Shianni look like?" Alistair asked. "Perhaps we could spread out and –"

"Shasta!"

Shastaryn heard her cousin before she saw her. Seeing the woman running over to her, Shastaryn grinned and pulled her cousin close for a hug. She could see tears in Shianni's eyes, and heard her murmur, "Valendrian even held a funeral for you, after the fall of Ostagar …."

Shastaryn groaned and leaned into her cousin's embrace. "I'm so, so sorry, Shi! I should have come back!"

"No," Shianni insisted, taking her cousin's hands in hers and squeezing hard. "No," she repeated. "There was a purge, by the Arl, and many were killed … and then … _this!_"

Shastaryn looked around to find people standing outside of a building connected to Alarith's store. "What's going on?" she asked.

Shianni led Shastaryn and her friends aside, telling them about what was occurring, about the Tevinter mages who were supposed to be healing elves of the "plague" but those who went in were not always sick and never were heard of again.

"My father?"

Shianni sighed. "He was quarantined yesterday. They tell us it is Blight sickness, brought by the refugees returning from Ostagar." She looked into her cousin's eyes. "Most of the people they take aren't sick, cousin! Including Cyrion!"

Shastaryn felt anger beginning to boil within her, growing in intensity and looking for a way to escape. She took a deep breath, trying to tamp it down, realizing it wouldn't help at the moment, only hurt. Turning towards Alistair, she handed him her pack and her weapons and belt, save for her dagger which she placed inside the edge of her boot. Glancing at Zev, she asked, "May I borrow one of your daggers?" She nodded her thanks as he handed her The Rose's Thorn, a nice little one he'd picked up during their stay in Orzamaar. This she placed at her waist, beneath her belt and slightly hidden by her leathers.

Straightening, she murmured, "Right. I'm going in there." She turned to Alistair. "Keep Shianni here, Alistair." His eyebrow rose slightly. _You know how stubborn I can be?_

_I most definitely do_, he replied.

_Shi's much more so than I_.

Turning towards the building, she heard Shianni whisper, "I knew you'd do something, Cousin! Maker watch over you!"

Silently weaving her way through the crowd, Shastaryn tried to imitate someone who was sick, stumbling, keeping her head down. She approached the main Tevinter healer, faked a cough and pleaded, "Help … me!"

After chastising her that she should have come to them days before, Shastaryn was led inside. She'd made it through the building and was being led to a desk when one of the soldiers recognized her as being wanted by Loghain. At that, Shastaryn grabbed the two daggers and began taking down her opponents. One by one, she dodged and dashed, sliced and slid until she had one soldier remaining as her opponent. "Want to tell me what's going on here?" she demanded, feinting at his leg with one of her weapons. "I might just let you live!"

The man sneered at her. "Not a chance! Regent wants you, dead or alive! I could use the extra sover-" His voice came to a stop as Shastaryn managed to get behind him and deliver a blade into his heart.

She stepped over to the table, finding some papers and other indications of what was taking place, before turning towards the one room she had yet to see. She reached the door and found it locked. She tried the key she had pulled off of one of the soldiers, but it was not for this lock. She considered pulling her hairpin down, but decided that time was of the essence. Instead, she took a step back, lifted her leg and kicked the door in. As the barricade splintered open, she could make out a number of cages inside; cages with people in them ….

In the heartbeat it took for her to enter the room, Shastaryn felt an anger growing inside of her that was unprecedented in her twenty-one years. It churned and roiled and … evolved until she could feel it flooding every limb, each tiny pore on her body. Using the key that hadn't worked on the door, she moved to the first cage while saying in a voice that she hoped encouraged rather than frightened, "I'm getting you out of there. Wait for me before you leave."

Once all the cages had been opened, she led them out, heading towards the door. "There are supposed healers out here," she told them. "I will try to engage them and pull them back from the doorway. I have people with me who will also engage them. Try to stay away from the fighting and head to your homes, all right?" She heard soft murmurs of agreement. Then she opened the door.

As soon as she exited the building, Shastaryn brought her fingers to her lips and gave a series of shrill whistles, a signal that she and the others had created to alert the others when to begin a coordinated attack. She watched as Alistair, Zev and Leliana began engaging the healers, now armed with their staffs. Wynne remained by Shianni, casting her spells and wards. The battle was over in minutes, and soon the group was reuniting over near Wynne and Shianni.

"It's a sham," Shastaryn announced without preamble, handing over the paper she had found to Alistair who scanned it quickly and passed it on. "Shianni, go to my father's home and stay there, please. We obviously have more to do. I will come find you before we leave, okay?"

Shianni reluctantly agreed, murmuring, "Good luck to you all!" before departing. Shastaryn was surprised to see Zevran's eyes following after her cousin. She glanced at the assassin with a questioning look, but he simply gave her a slight grin and shrugged his shoulders, almost as if he was embarrassed. Shastaryn shook her head in amusement. "Right then," Shastaryn said as soon as Shianni was out of hearing distance. "I know where the apartments mentioned in that note are located. Do we have everything we need?" The group nodded. "Good. Let's be off."

They made their way through the apartment building, finding mostly empty rooms until the end where they were attacked by more Tevinter soldiers. As they worked their way through the back courtyard, fought more soldiers, and into the warehouse behind, Shastaryn could only think of her father. She needed to find him. She needed to let him know that she was still alive.

In the far back of the warehouse, the group of adventurers realized that they had hit the jackpot. No sooner had they entered than a man named Caladrius began questioning them. Shastaryn said nothing. He offered them money, gifts, _the elves caged beside him_, in an attempt to save himself. Now armed with her usual dagger and longsword, Zev with his Rose's Thorn once more, Shastaryn remained silent. She heard Leliana's protest at even considering making a deal with the man. She also heard Alistair shush the Orlesian, suspecting he realized more than the others just how angry Shastaryn was at that moment. "What I want," she hissed, approaching the mage and preparing for battle, "is your head on a pike hoisted out in the front of the alienage to warn all shemlen far and wide what they will find if they come and try taking our freedoms from us again!" As she said the last word, she felt Wynne's magic covering her, protecting her as only Wynne could do. With feral grin on her face, Shastaryn began to do what was necessary in order to free not only her father, but her fellow elves.

Alistair, Zev, Leliana and Wynne hurried towards Shastaryn's side, and though it was the longest battle they had encountered during this mission, it was not long before they had subdued all but Caladrius, and he was cowering on the floor at Shastaryn's feet. "Perhaps I should leave you to the mercies of the elves," she told him. She saw the man glower at her, rising to try one last spell. From behind her, she heard Leliana's gasp and thought she could hear Alistair call her name in alarm, but Shastaryn was almost too focused to be caught off guard. She made a feint to the right and then spun around, managing to catch Caladrius with the longsword at his neck, decapitating the mage in one fell swoop.

Wynne was the first to reach the woman's side, immediately casting healing spells over her for the numerous scrapes and cuts she had received. Shaking her head, Shastaryn asked, "Wynne, I'm fine, but we need to see about the elves."

"We will," Wynne murmured before anyone else could approach, "but you have to think of your _da'len_," Wynne reminded her, using the word that Shastaryn had taught her. That one word seemed to ground Shastaryn in a way that nothing else could. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Shastaryn nodded. "Right." She accepted the healing potion that Wynne handed her.

Turning to look around the room, she saw Alistair, Zev and Leliana opening the cages that were holding her people. Over by Alistair, she noticed one person in particular making his way slowly out of the cage …. Shoving the unused portion of the potion back at Wynne, Shastaryn dashed across the room crying, "Papa!"

Cyrion was startled by the flurry of movement that suddenly ended up in his arms, but he'd heard her voice and recognized it immediately. "My little girl!" he murmured into her hair, unrestrained tears rolling down his aged cheeks. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again! When they said all of the Grey Wardens died at Ostagar, I prayed they were wrong. Are you all right? What are you doing here?"

Shastaryn knew that her grip on her father must seem desperate, so she forced herself to release him. Taking a step backwards, she felt Alistair move up beside her in silent support. "I was looking for you, of course!" she told him, wiping at her eyes.

Cyrion glanced at Alistair, then back at his daughter. Shaking his head in wonder, he told her, "You are so like your mother!"

With a final sniff and a hopeful look in her eye, Shastaryn asked, "Do you really think so?"

Cyrion nodded soberly. "She would be, well, … proud doesn't really begin to describe it." He glanced away for a moment, clearly trying to compose himself. Then, turning back he told her, "We shouldn't talk here. Come by the house. I have something for you there that I should have given you before you left before."

Shastaryn nodded and allowed him to leave. "I will be by soon!" she promised.

* * *

Shastaryn found Shianni near the center of the Alienage. "Cousin," she greeted her. Shianni smiled brightly, a smile that reached her eyes. "I knew you could do it! You are so amazing, you know that?" she asked. "I know I shouldn't say that to your face, because it will go to your head, but it's true." Shianni's smile was huge, infectious and her normal, exuberant nature seemed to have returned in the many months since Shastaryn's departure. "Are you sticking around for a while? You're staying for dinner, aren't you? You'd better. I'll weasel a bottle of wine from Alarith and we can catch up."

Shastaryn snorted causing her companions to look at her oddly. That was not a sound they had ever heard her make before. "You aren't cooking, are you?"

Shianni grinned, indicating an obvious running joke between the two women. "For that, I should go make you my famous 'Denerim rabbit stew.'"

Shastaryn's eyebrow rose. "Oh? The one you make from rats, cousin?"

"Rabbits of the City, cousin. Really, you've been away too long if that doesn't sound delicious!" Shianni chided gently. She saw Shastaryn about to respond and raised her hands in surrender. "I know, I know. You still have work to do, Blight to end and all that. But, when this is all over, we _are_ going to get _very _drunk to celebrate. Promise?"

Shastaryn felt her heart almost stop. "I promise," she finally managed, wondering if she would be able to keep her word.

Shianni stepped forward and gave Shastaryn another hug. "Take care, cousin," she whispered near her ear, "because I'm going to hold you to that!"

When the neared Cyrion's home once again, Shastaryn led her companions inside. "Papa?" she called softly. She watched him enter the room from the back of the house. With a smile, she hurried over and gave him another hug. _I could have lost you and not even known!_ she realized.

Cyrion patted his daughter's back and squeezed her affectionately. "Let me get a good look at you!" he declared, stepping back. At the same time, he gestured the others into the room. "Maker, don't they feed you Wardens?" he queried. "You're all skin and bones!"

Shastaryn smiled indulgently, but didn't respond to his question. "Where's Valendrian, Papa?" she asked quietly. She was afraid she could guess the answer.

Cyrion's face saddened, and he shook his head. "He is gone. They took him to the ships a few days ago …. He's probably halfway to the Imperium by now." He took Shastaryn by her hands and squeezed them. "You did so much good, we cannot dwell on the ones that you couldn't save, my child."

Shastaryn nodded, but still felt tears leaking out. Sighing, she asked, "What did you want to see me about, Papa?"

Cyrion released her hands and walked over to a nearby shelf where he lifted something into his hands. Shastaryn couldn't see it from the distance between them, but when he returned, he placed it into her hands. Shastaryn glance down to find a beautifully sheathed dagger, one she vaguely remembered had belonged to …. "I had this put away for … a long time. It belonged to your mother."

Shastaryn's head snapped up to his. "To mamae?" she gasped.

Cyrion nodded. "I think you should have it now." He reached out and tucked a loose curl of hair behind her ear. "I know you will do great things, my child. You already do."

Shastaryn threw her arms around the man who had raised her. "Thank you, Papa!" she whispered.

Cyrion patted her back again. "Now, go. I know you still have much to do. When this is all over, we will have plenty of time to talk then."

* * *

Shastaryn retreated to her room upon arrival at the estate. She knew they had to brief Eamon and Anora, but she wanted just a few moments alone to process the events of the day, and to change out of her armor and gear.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she pulled out the dagger her father had given to her. _Fang_ she remembered was its name. She held it in her hand, felt the balance. She attempted some moves with the new weapon and decided to try it with both Duncan's sword and dagger. In the end, she decided to match it up with Duncan's longsword, providing her with both a longer and shorter reach weapon.

When a knock came at her door, she rose and opened it, knowing who would be there. Stepping out of her room, she glanced up at Alistair. "Are you ready to face Anora?" he asked.

Shastaryn nodded. "Ready as I'll ever be. Unless you can find a way to put it off until tomorrow?"

Alistair chuckled. "I wish I could put if off indefinitely!" he whispered. Then, with a sigh and a hand at her back, he led her off towards the library.


	28. Faded Dreams

_ I was inspired by Erynnar's use of the Fade in her __**Soulmates**__ story, and others who use the same, so I decided that Shastaryn had to have her own visit. I hope you like it! It literally appeared to me in a dream one night last week! Most of the information on Maric as you will no doubt be able to tell came from Mr. Gaider's books __**The Stolen Throne**__ and __**The Calling**__._

_ Thanks to all for reading, reviewing, favoriting and adding to alerts! I can't even begin to describe how much delight I get out of the fact that someone other than myself can enjoy this story!_

_ And, as always, Bioware is the king …_

_

* * *

_

Alistair knew Eamon would try to give him hell for staying in Shastaryn's room, but he was getting sick and tired of the man insisting that his way was the only way. If only until their fight against the Blight was complete, Shastaryn was his and his alone. He wasn't going to lose any time with her if he could possible help it. And knowing that their remaining time together was limited made it that much more special … and sweet.

He led Shastaryn into her room, nearly carrying her the last bit of the way as she was dead on her feet. "Shasta," he murmured, easing her down onto the bed. "My love, you need to change before sleeping!" he called. He couldn't understand why she was so tired, but as he was about to use their mental connection to his advantage, he remembered that she was only a day removed from her experience in Fort Drakon. Sighing, he simply went about removing her clothing by himself and tucking her beneath the sheets. He took only a few moments longer to do the same before he joined her.

* * *

_Shastaryn felt the air around her changing, moving. First it turned into a foggy mist, swirling and shifting about her until it began to settle. Colors were muted, almost washed out, in various shades of grey, green and brown. She recognized her surroundings immediately: it was the Fade._

_As the scene settled, she was startled to recognize her camp, though minus her companions, their lodgings and their gear. The fire was blazing, but there was no cooking gear laid out for the evening meal. She moved forward to examine her tent, but as she reached the flaps, she heard a male voice behind her say, "Well met, Shastaryn Tabris."_

_Shastaryn spun around while reaching for her dagger and sword … which were not at her waist. Looking up at the newcomer, she frowned. The man had blonde hair that hung to his shoulders. His eyes were a shade of blue that she had seen on their journeys into the Frostback Mountains, found only in the very deep ice and snow. Shastaryn took in his other features: the blonde hair, the nose the …. She gasped suddenly. He looked like an older version of Alistair, only dressed in what looked to be silverite plate mail …. "The Silver Knight"… she vaguely remembered a reference made when he'd passed away. King Maric Theirin!_

_Smiling, the newcomer stepped forward, and gestured for Shastaryn to sit on the log near the fire. Silently, she did so, her brain scrambling with information overload._

"_Allow me to formally introduce myself," the deep melodic voice intoned. "I am Maric Theirin, former King of Ferelden."_

_Shastaryn's gasp was audible, but she saw him smile in response so she knew he had heard her. "You-you're Alistair's father!" _

_The smile still warm, still in place, Maric nodded. "That I am, dear lady."_

"_Please," she insisted immediately, "do not call me such. I am no lady. I am simply an elf … or, a Grey Warden if you prefer."_

_Maric nodded, respecting her wishes. "An elf," he echoed, his voice softening with the word. "I was in love with an elf once," he added wistfully with a glance at Shastaryn._

"_So I have heard tell," she replied. She turned towards the fire, staring into the flames. "Though you wouldn't necessarily think it, we have heard the stories of your fight against the Orlesians, your campaign to free Ferelden, in the alienage."_

"_I would imagine they would give your people hope," he observed, "seeing as their plight is nearly the same as ours was then."_

"_Surprisingly, no," she admitted openly, honestly. "Despite the differences between our races, and despite the current situation, the stories are not used as a tool of rebellion. They serve as a reminder to us that all shemlen are not like … Vaughan Urien or Rendon Howe…." Her voice trailed off and she turned towards him again, her gaze upon him to find him staring at her in admiration. With a soft smile, she admitted, "You are something of a hero, Your Majesty, even to us elves."_

"_I will admit that, though surprising to hear, I am glad of it nonetheless…."_

_They sat in silence for a few moments, each to their own thoughts. Finally, Shastaryn asked, "May I ask you a question?"_

_Maric almost chuckled, but nodded instead. "Most certainly."_

"_Why are you here? In my dream? And, dressed like … like that," she gestured towards his armor. "I would have thought that in the Fade you could dress however you wanted."_

_Maric laughed aloud at that. "My dear," he reminded her gently, "this is __**your**__ dream. You are seeing me through your eyes."_

_Startled, Shastaryn realized that he was right. Not only was he in armor, but she was as well. Taking a brief moment to experiment, she soon found them both dressed in much more comfortable tunics and leggings. With a quick smile of embarrassment, she murmured, "Sorry!"_

_Maric's mirth was contagious, however, and he soon put the young elven woman at ease. "Now, let me see if I can respond to your other question as easily." He thought back to her original request and pondered for a moment how to respond. "Let us just say that I have noticed that my son has … similar tastes in women as his father."_

"_Elves."_

"_Yes. But there is more to it than that." Maric rose and started to pace around the fire, a gesture that was not lost on Shastaryn. She'd seen Alistair do it a time or two while out on the road. Locking her gaze on him, she followed his every movement. "You see, I never intended for Alistair to have any … obligation to the throne," he began. "He was to be free from that, free from any responsibility that would bring him near the throne. He was to have his own life, make his own choices …."_

_Shastaryn's snort of derision startled the man into silence. "Obviously no one else received that memo," she stated, her voice unable to contain the anger she was feeling on Alistair's behalf. At the king's look of confusion, she added, "Did no one inform you of how he was treated at Redcliffe? How he was given a place to sleep in the stables? How the Arlessa forced her husband to have him removed to the Chantry to become a templar simply because she could not stand the rumors – __**rumors**__ mind you - that he was Eamon's by-blow?"_

_Maric nodded, sighing heavily. "I did know of this," he admitted reluctantly, "but you must understand that I was interested only in my son's happiness." He saw that she would protest, and he raised his hand for silence. "I knew that he was not happy at Redcliffe, Eamon had told me that often enough. And, rumors of Isolde's treatment of him had reached me through other sources. When the suggestion of sending him to the Chantry was proposed, I thought it would give Alistair an opportunity to find a better place .…"_

_Shastaryn bit back a scathing comment. She did not want to fight with this man. "Alistair did not find a 'better place' as you put it until Duncan rescued him … by conscripting him into the Grey Wardens. __**That**__ was when your son found his true home."_

_Maric nodded sadly. "Yes, I understand that." He turned away for a moment, still trying to find the words he wanted. "Please understand, Shastaryn, all I want is for my son to be happy. And, I think in order to accomplish that he will need your help and support in the future."_

_Shastaryn rose to her feet now, feeling the same need to pace. This man was suggesting what she so desperately wanted, but what she knew was impossible for her to have. "I do not see how that would work," she told him after a long moment. "The nobles will not allow us to marry, nor allow any child of ours to become king."_

_Maric turned and began walking with purpose around the fire until he reached her side. Gripping her arms, he willed her to look up at him. When she did, he told her firmly, "The choice is Alistair's to make. Tell him that nobody can force the king to do anything he doesn't want to do." Maric's look was so intense, so … desperate, Shastaryn simply nodded. "Please, my dear, tell him all that I ever wanted for him was his happiness. I wanted that above all else! Let him know that I made a terrible mistake by entrusting him to Eamon, I realize that now, and I failed him as a father, but in this I will not." _

_Maric released her, and stepped away. "Remind him that being a king is not a punishment. He is allowed to have some joy in his life…."_

_Shastaryn nodded, watching him turning away. It was obvious to her he had delivered his message. "Your Majesty?" she called after him. "Maric!" She watched as he stopped walking. Quickly she rushed to his side. He turned to face her, and she could see a sadness there. Standing on tiptoe, she kissed his cheek. "I will do more than tell him," she promised. "I will make him understand … all of it!"_

_Maric placed a hand on her shoulder and nodded. "Thank you," he told her sincerely. "My son has done well to have you in his life. I hope you understand that too."_

_Shastaryn nodded and watched as he turned and left this time. Moments later, she felt herself leaving the Fade …._

_

* * *

_

Alistair was startled awake when Shastaryn began mumbling in her sleep. He leaned over her, as she was faced away from him, her back curled against his chest. She still slept, he noted, but she seemed restless. Sliding his arm around her waist, he pulled her against his lean frame and snuggled close. He was about to shut his eyes and return to slumber when he heard her call out, "Maric!"

Frowning, Alistair sat up and leaned over her again. Though still restless, her agitation seemed to be increasing. Reaching out, he gently shook her shoulder. "Shasta," he called near her ear. No response. He repeated the movement and the call.

Shastaryn bolted upright suddenly, nearly knocking him backwards in the process, or at the very least barely missing hitting his nose with her head. He silently thanked his years of Templar training for his quick reflexes. Sitting up behind her, he carefully reached out and touched her shoulder. "Shasta?" he called a third time.

Shastaryn focused on her bringing her heart rate down, her breathing under control. As she did so, she started taking in her surroundings: the moonlight shining in through the curtains, the shadows playing against the wall, the warmth of Alistair's body behind her…. Sighing heavily, she leaned back against him.

Alistair pulled himself up against the headboard and adjusted her body against his. Wrapping an arm around her, he murmured, "Everything all right?"

She nodded against his chest. "Just… just a dream," she assured him.

"By your reaction, it looked like a nightmare!"

Shastaryn chuckled. "No, just a dream," she assured him.

"Hmm," he returned quietly, his lips near her ear as he gently kissed her neck. He lifted a hand and pulled her hair back giving him better access to the delicate skin found there. "An interesting dream …?" he queried.

Now fully recovered, Shastaryn turned her head so that she could see his eyes. Even in the darkness of the room, she could tell the difference between his and his father's. "You could say that," she replied. "I … met someone. Someone I wasn't expecting."

Alistair's eyebrow rose at that. "That someone being my father?" He saw the shock in her eyes. Chuckling, he quickly assured her, "No, my love, I was not 'listening in' as it were. You called his name out in your sleep." He saw her relax at that. "Is it something … you want to discuss?"

Shastaryn thought for a long moment. Then, shaking her head, she told him softly, "Not yet, I don't think. I need to think on it some, figure out what exactly was going on, what it meant …."

Alistair kissed her forehead. "All right. But, if you change your mind …."

Shastaryn nodded, leaning into his embrace fully. "I will let you know," she promised. "Now, since I have to meet with Anora again in the morning, don't you think we should get some sleep?"

Smiling, Alistair agreed and followed her back down to the bed.


	29. Matchmaker, Matchmaker

_I don't think anyone could have been more surprised than I was to find out that you could actually get Anora and Alistair both to agree to a political arrangement for their marriage and keep my character in the picture for Alistair. Most of the wording below is from the conversation that takes place after the Landsmeet, just before going to Redcliffe. I felt it worked better here, so I took liberties and moved it. Except for a few extra pieces of dialogue that I created, it is word for word from that point in the game._

_Thanks to Erynnar for being my beta and for allowing me to bug her about some of the smallest details (and sometimes stupidest things!). You are the Queen, my lady, and I am your humble vassal! =D _

_Thanks to all for your interest – your favoriting, your alerts, your reviews all mean the world to me!_

_As if we need the reminder by this point, Bioware owns it all and I just get to play with it!_

_

* * *

_

Shastaryn left Anora's chamber and returned to the library to think. _Whatever needs to be done_, she thought. _I will do whatever needs to be done. I am a Grey Warden and that is what we do._ She entered the room and found Alistair looking through the books on a nearby shelf. He turned upon hearing her light footsteps. "Ah," he greeted her, turning and providing her his complete attention, "I was wondering where you had disappeared to."

Swallowing with difficulty, Shastaryn told him while trying to mask her own feelings, "We … need to talk. Is there someplace private we can go?"

Alistair nodded towards the exit to the room. "The gardens? They've always been a place of quiet and solitude when needed."

Shastaryn agreed and for once during this long adventure, she followed his lead. _He'd better start getting used to the idea of leading_, she realized.

Alistair held the door for her as they exited into the brightly lit outdoors. Glancing her over, he asked, "Is something wrong?"

Shastaryn took a deep breath before beginning. "I've just come from speaking with the Queen."

Alistair tried not to show his emotion at this, but failed miserably when his whole body stiffened. "Oh, really?" he asked lightly. "What interesting things did she have to say, I wonder?"

Shastaryn knew this was hurting them both, but continued on. "Alistair, I think you should consider marrying her." She saw him stop walking and turn sharply to face her.

"Marry her? As in marriage? As in husband and wife?"

Shastaryn nodded, reluctance in her every move.

"And what about us?" he demanded, feeling a pain unlike anything he'd ever felt before as it spread across his chest at her suggestion. "You do realize, don't you, that if Anora is going to be my wife. She will have my child, if I can give her one. I may not love her, but … I will have a duty as the king." His look, now focused solely on her, displayed complete and utter defeat. "Shastaryn Tabris, I love you," he told her quietly, pain surrounding the words. "More than I ever thought possible, but … I have to face what this means. I can't run away from it anymore."

Shastaryn rose to her feet and walked over to him. Reaching out a hand, she waited for him to take it. "Alistair, I need to … tell you something that has direct bearing on what happens next," she told him softly. Leading him over to a nearby bench, she gestured for him to sit. Once he did so, she sat beside him. "You asked me this morning what I had dreamed last night." She saw him nod. "Your father came to visit with me in the Fade. We had a lengthy discussion … about you."

Shastaryn thought for a moment Alistair might pass out, the blood leaving his face as quickly as it did. Shastaryn made to rise and go searching for Wynne, but Alistair's grip tightened on her hand and tugged her back. "What … did my father have to say?" he finally managed.

Shastaryn smiled warmly, thinking back and recalling the dream much more clearly than she thought she might after the events of the morning. "He wanted you to know that he is proud of you, and he is so very sorry that he sent you to Eamon when you were young. He said he made poor choices where you were concerned, but he was trying to give you an opportunity to live your life freely and not bound up in the same life he and Cailan were tied to because of their blood."

Alistair continued to hold her hand, but turned to look away.

"He also asked that I tell you that nobody can force the king to do anything he doesn't want to do." Shastaryn saw him snap his head back around at such a speed she was slightly afraid he had hurt himself.

Alistair swallowed hard for a moment, before he managed, "You mean … marry who I want? Carry on with whomever I want?" She nodded at him. "You don't think that would be very unfair? To my wife as well as you?"

With a sad smile, Shastaryn added softly, "He also asked me to point out that being king is not a punishment, Alistair. You can be king _and_ be happy."

Alistair was silent for a long time, and Shastaryn began to believe that she had lost him once and for all. He might be Maric's son, but that didn't mean he had the same belief system.

Then, so suddenly that she would have missed it if she had not been looking at his every facial expression, she saw his features ease, relaxing in such a manner that he looked years younger in moments. He took her hands, hands that were as cold as the snows in the Frostback Mountains, into his own. "My marriage to Anora would simply be a … political arrangement, yes?" he asked, rubbing her hands with his own, trying to impart some of the warmth from his own.

Shastaryn nodded. "Yes. That is what I discussed with her. I don't think either of you would be willing to accept a … closer relationship at this point."

Alistair nodded absently, clearly not listening beyond the simple acknowledgement to his question. "You're right," he breathed in astonishment. "Of course, you're right."

Alistair jumped to his feet, turning to pull her up beside him. She searched his eyes and her breath caught at what she saw there. "Damn them all, anyhow," he declared exuberantly. "If they want to make me king, then … then I'll be king. And I'll do exactly as I want to do!" he told her, pulling her into his embrace, and then spinning in a circle, she still in his embrace as he did so. When he stopped, he gave her a sheepish grin. "I feel like such an idiot for bringing this up, now. I - Can you ever forgive me?" he begged.

Shastaryn smiled up at him, a teasing glint forming in her eyes. "Maybe. You'll have to earn it though, I think…."

Alistair's eyebrow rose in surprise as well as joy. "Oh, ho? That sounds rather … saucy. We'll have to … ahem, discuss my punishment later on, I see."

He smiled at her, a smile that reached the depths of his caramel gaze. He seemed to be completely relaxed for the first time since she had met him. "Fine then. I will agree to marry Anora," he promised her, "though I do not trust her. But only so long as you promise to remain by my side. Oh," he hurried on, recognizing that she might be about to offer some challenges to that, "I know you will come and go as the Warden's need you, as will I, but if I know that you will be here when I return, or at my side if you prefer, I think I can manage to bungle my way through being King of Ferelden. What say you?"

Shastaryn smiled. She knew that she could not expect more from him. Though they would not be united in marriage in a legal sense, she knew that in all other ways they would. "I think that is an … acceptable offer," she replied, relief in her voice though she tried to disguise it. She watched as he leaned forward to kiss her. When he pulled back, she again smiled.

"Right then," he said, struggling to bring his breathing under control once more. "I will go and speak with Anora, make it clear to her in no uncertain terms what our … relationship will be." He saw her struggling to contain laughter. Frowning, he asked, "What?"

Shastaryn, smiling and still chuckling, replied, "Oh, I just wish I could be there to see it – you being all forceful and insistent. She will have you under her thumb the minute you open your mouth!" Her chuckles gave way to a fit of the giggles at the mental image produced.

Alistair silently admitted that she was probably right, but adopted a posture of mock seriousness and said instead, "I will not brook any arguments from her concerning this. If she wants to remain Queen, we will have a marriage in name only."

* * *

_**A/N:**__ For those who have also been following Cyril's adventures in __**The**__**Barkeep Diaries**__, this is the point of the story where his chapter "The Landsmeet" falls in._


	30. To Make a King

_Again my thanks to all for reading, reviewing, alerting and favoriting! I am so glad you are enjoying it._

___And many thanks to my beta, Erynnar, who keeps me on track and lets me know when I start getting ... out of control! Thanks so much! __If you haven't tried **Soulmates, The First Cut Is Always Deepest **or **Whispering Sighs of the Blade,** I highly recommend them!_

_____Oh, and a heads up - CYRIL is back! (For those who don't have a clue, check out **The Barkeep Diaries**)_

_____Bioware is king, I'm but a mere minion having fun!_

* * *

The Landsmeet finally met. And, though the potential for trouble and delays was there for all to see, for once in Shastaryn's long journey, things were beginning to go right.

Shastaryn, Alistair, Sten and Wynne were stopped before the doors of the Landsmeet by Ser Cauthrien, still intent upon protecting her lord. But, when Alistair and Sten both stepped forward to resolve the issue in their own manner, Shastaryn stopped them. Instead, she appealed to Cauthrien's sense of honor, of what was right. "He may at one time have been the Hero of River Dane," Shastaryn said softly, "but he is no longer. Surely you can see that his current actions are hurting the very people he was trying to protect back then!"

It took Cauthrien only a moment to make her choice, which indicated to Shastaryn that the woman had been doing some serious thinking of late. When Loghain's lieutenant stepped aside, allowing them to pass unmolested. Shastaryn gave her a nod of respect before heading inside.

Once they entered the hall, they found the discussion was well underway, being led by the Arl of Redcliffe himself as they had planned. A short time later, however, Loghain interrupted Eamon's speech, preferring to voice his own displeasures instead in an effort to derail the entire meeting. This, they had expected to happen. Now it was time for their plan to be implemented.

First and foremost, Shastaryn was not to mention Ostagar nor King Cailan's death. The four of them – Shastaryn, Alistair, Eamon and Anora – had agreed on that immediately. Nothing that sounded even remotely accusatory regarding those two topics was to be said. Beyond that, both Eamon and Anora had agreed to submit to Shastaryn's judgment.

So, when Loghain challenged her the first time, Shastaryn suggested that the focus should be on defending the land against the Blight. This garnered some support amongst the Bannorn, as many of them were dealing with the ever increasing numbers of refugees on their lands.

With Loghain's second try at disrupting the meeting, Shastaryn turned to the cruel abusive use of power by the Arl of Denerim, Rendon Howe. This almost backfired, however, as Loghain then launched an attack on Shastaryn trying to convince the Bannorn that she was responsible for the murder of the Arl. Yet, more support from the Bannorn was forthcoming, diminishing Loghain's success with this argument, as his son and heir had been so badly abused by the evil man that his wounds would never heal completely.

With the third attempt, the gloves came off. Announcing that she had written proof of Loghain's direct connection to Tevinter slave traders within the alienage under guise of healers for a plague that didn't exist, Shastaryn brought the Landsmeet to complete and utter silence. Loghain attempted to explain it all away, but by the look on the man's face, Shastaryn knew that he could see he was losing the support of the Bannorn. But then he did something unexpected and off-script. He accused Shastaryn and Alistair of kidnapping Anora and putting her into hiding.

Shastaryn was about to respond when Anora stepped out into the room, behind her father, gliding into the room and impacting the entire room before she even opened her mouth. Cailan's widow then hammered the final nail into Loghain's coffin by denouncing him in front of the nobles … he was responsible for Cailan's death … he was no longer the hero of River Dane … the list went on and on until finally, Bann Alfstanna requested that Loghain's continued leadership of the country be brought to a vote. Not surprisingly, in a vote of 4-1, the Bannorn sided in favor of the Grey Wardens….

But Loghain was not about to go down quietly. When he began roaring his protests, Shastaryn stepped in and, surprisingly for someone so diminutive in stature, she was able to talk the man into a duel. Bann Alfstanna agreed and promptly explained the rules. Loghain sneered at the elf in front of him. "Do you intend to go up against me yourself, Warden, or will you rely on a champion?" He made it clear with his tone what he thought her chances against him would be.

_Let me, my love!_

Shastaryn smiled at Alistair's immediate offer and, though she agreed he should be the one, she refused him. _No, I cannot allow you to do this. We cannot risk losing Anora's support at this stage of the game, and that would surely happen if I allow you to defeat her father._ Shastaryn straightened her posture as she felt Alistair's reluctant acquiescence. "I will be your opponent," she told him, turning to face him once more.

Everyone in the hall grew silent, the only audible sounds coming from the creaks and groans of both leather and plate mail armor, and weapons being drawn from scabbards.

Shastaryn never took her eyes off of him. She had learned her lesson long ago in Lothering, a lesson she would never forget. But she promised herself she would not be the first to strike. She would do this thing, defeat this man, but as she had with Howe, she would not be the one to initiate battle. So she imitated his moves, her eyes glued to his, circling and shifting posture and stance calculating each step as if it were a part of an intricately choreographed dance ….

The moment before his arms moved, Shastaryn saw it in his eyes and began her own dance of death and destruction. Though his movements were different, his timing slightly off, Loghain fought in the same manner and style as Alistair with whom she had spent over a year traveling and training _every single day_. It became apparent that, despite her size, she had a clear advantage over her opponent.

That being said, however, the battle still took longer than most were anticipating, including Shastaryn herself. But, in the end, she moved in, prepared to send him to the beyond … when he yielded. Needing a moment to catch her breath, Shastaryn nodded and stepped back …

… and in that one moment nearly lost everything for which she had worked so hard for over a year.

_What are you doing?_

Alistair's anger and outrage came through to her quite clearly, Shastaryn thought. She also felt another presence making itself known. Frowning, she glanced over to her right and found Riordan entering the hall, trying hard to catch her attention. _Alist-_

_You cannot let him live! You, of all people, should understand –_

_ALISTAIR THEIRIN, DO YOU TRUST ME OR NO?_ She felt his shock at her sudden outburst, sensed his retreat, and then ….

_If you fall backwards on me right now, I will kill you!_

It took Shastaryn's very last ounce of energy to keep from bursting out into laughter. That he would revert to his quirky, irreverent sense of humor that she loved so much right at this particular moment only emphasized to her just how much he did indeed trust her. Turning towards Riordan, she listened to his explanations, his offers, his suggestions. She listened to Anora's pleas for mercy. She both felt and heard Alistair's disapproval.

Finally, it was her chance to give her choice. She stepped forward, eyeing Loghain for a long moment. Then, raising her voice so all in the room could hear, she said, "I cannot in good conscience allow you to live, Loghain Mac Tir. The crimes you have committed in this world far outweigh any redemption you might receive. You have murdered, attempted other murders, usurped a throne to which you had no right and sold free lives into bondage. Your time here is finished. May the Maker have mercy on you for I can offer you none."

Loghain's features actually softened, almost in relief. He was distracted momentarily by Anora's cries, but he hushed her, comforted her and bade her not to dwell on it. Turning back to Shastaryn, he nodded a salute and expressed his relief at the fact that at least a Warden could be expected to do the job properly. Just before swinging the sword, Shastaryn saw something else in the man's eyes … forgiveness? In the instant between lifting the sword and decapitating the man, Shastaryn recognized what she saw and it allowed her the peace of mind she needed to complete the job.

Afterwards, as she tried to come to terms with what she'd just done, Shastaryn heard Eamon's voice break through her thoughts. "Warden, would you please assist us in determining who will rule Ferelden?"

Shastaryn had known this was coming. So had Eamon, Alistair and Anora. In the final effort to reunited the Bannorn and therefore the country against the Blight, it had been decided that Shastaryn, of common birth and therefore no connections to the politics of the country, should make the announcement. Taking a deep breath, Shastaryn stepped to the center of the hall. "Alistair shall rule Ferelden with Anora as his Queen," she announced.

_And with you in my heart,_ he promised.

Shastaryn stepped aside so that Alistair and Anora could take center stage. _And you in mine_, she returned before turning to leave the hall. She no longer needed to be present for what would come next.

* * *

Eamon and Anora and their combined entourage left for Redcliffe immediately after the Landsmeet. Riordan departed with them, indicating that he wished to do some reconnaissance on the horde. Shastaryn held her group in Denerim until the next morning.

"Given what we are about to face," she told the others later that afternoon, "I want enough time to stock up on supplies and get our armor and weapons mended." She glanced at each one of her companions. "We have come a very long way in the past year, and I want to tell each of you how much I have come to appreciate our friendship, your constancy and your dedication to the cause. Our paths have crossed for a reason that only the Maker knows. But whatever the Maker's reasons might be, I think him for each and every moment I have had to spend with you." Shastaryn swallowed hard, hoping to keep the tears at bay. _Maker, I've become weepy!_

_Yeah,_ a familiar presence responded. _What's up with that?_

Shastaryn almost gave herself away. Instead, she told him, _Nerves before a final battle, I expect._

Walking up to each one of her companions, she handed them a small pouch. With a smile, she told them, "Inside is enough money for you to purchase the items you need and to get fixed what needs fixing. I've spoken with both Wade and Gorim in the Market District, and they will give you generous discounts should you seek them out." Taking a deep breath she concluded, "We will be leaving before dawn. I will see you all here before we depart." With that, she turned and left the room.

As her friends went about their business that afternoon, Shastaryn found herself wandering through the streets of Denerim at first with Alistair by her side, and then alone as he went to have Wade mend his armor. It was while she was alone that she decided to make one last visit to the Warden Compound vault. Riordan had shown her how to open the secret door, so she tried it on this visit and smiled when it actually worked. Ducking her head, she entered the room.

It was while she was examining various items that she came across two things she had not expected: a journal and a shield. The journal was nondescript, and filled from cover to tail in a small, though neat script. This she knew would require time alone and in light to read, so she placed it into her pack for now.

The second item, a beautifully crafted silverite shield with a griffon upon a field of blue was an obvious device of the Grey Wardens. The shield was on the heavy side, particularly for her, but Shastaryn thought that she could manage it as far as the Gnawed Noble Tavern where she'd agreed to meet Alistair for dinner that evening.

Cyril was cleaning a table near the door to the bar when he looked up to see a familiar face struggling to enter. With a smile, he hurried to her side and assisted her with the shield she was struggling to carry. "Please," he insisted, lifting it and leading her towards the back of the common room. "Your usual table?"

"Yes," she replied with a smile of thanks.

"I heard your Warden friend has been made king?"

Shastaryn chuckled. "Something like that, Cyril. He will be king, but we have a Blight to end first. His coronation will come later."

Cyril smiled in understanding. He set the shield aside on the empty bench and asked, "How may I serve?"

With a smile, she ordered a glass of mead and made arrangements for food to be brought. She was only a few sips into her drink when she looked up to see Alistair arriving. Shastaryn rose to her feet, meeting him a few steps from their usual table. "How did it go?" she asked, signaling Cyril to bring a tankard of ale for Alistair.

Alistair smiled and replied in an amused voice, "I don't think I will ever get used to those two!"

"Wade and Herren?"

Alistair nodded, taking the drink from Cyril with a nod of thanks and taking a long drink. "I don't understand how you ever put up with all of their bickering!"

With a smile, Shastaryn gestured for him to sit. Once he had, she pulled up the shield, setting it on the table. "Look what I found." She watched his eyes as they widened, a shocked expression. Her concern growing, she asked, "Alistair, are you all right?"

"This … this is Duncan's shield," he breathed in astonishment.

Shastaryn blinked. "I – I didn't realize …. I saw the Grey Warden crest and thought you might like to use it …. but I had no idea!"

Alistair caught her hand and pulled her down beside him, pulling her close for a kiss. "Thank you," he murmured in her hair, still staring at the griffon emblazoned on the piece of armor. "Truly, I had no idea his shield wasn't with him at Ostagar. This is perfect." He finally looked down into her eyes. "I don't know how else to express my gratitude. This means a great deal to me …. I will treasure this. Thank you."

Shastaryn leaned into his shoulder, hugging him close. "I'm glad I decided to go in there," she told him. Looking up, she saw one of the serving girls arriving with their meal. Shastaryn rose to her feet and shifted the device with a metallic sounding clang, until it was back on the bench across from them. With a quick grin at the girl, she murmured, "Thank you, Giselle!" and was pleased to see the girl head off with a big grin on her face.

"Giselle?"

Shastaryn chuckled as she took her seat and began her meal. "After all of the time we have spent in this place, don't you remember any of their names?" she teased. A light reddish tinge began creeping up his neck. "I suppose I should be thankful you _don't_ remember their names!" she teased a moment later. She couldn't contain a giggle as his blush darkened at her implication.

After their meal and an extended goodbye with Cyril and the girls of the Gnawed Noble, Alistair hefted Duncan's shield on his arm before settling it on his back for their walk back to the estate. He was dressed in a tunic of burgundy with gold edging and black trousers, and Shastaryn admired the look that he presented. "Do we need to pick up your armor from Wade on the way back?" she asked as they reached the square, now beginning to empty for the evening.

Alistair chuckled. Shaking his head, he replied, "They were so struck that the king was actually bringing them his business, they insisted they would return it to the estate this evening."

Shastaryn, her arm looped through his, leaned against his arm as they walked. Across the square, she identified Leliana apparently returning from some time spent at the Chantry. As they entered the courtyard, they came upon Wynne who, by all appearances, had found herself something new to read. The foursome entered through the main doors, finding or, rather, hearing a loud ruckus coming from the dining room. Shale stood nearby, a look of disgust crossing its stone façade. At Shastaryn's look, Shale responded, "The drunken dwarf is upset that the ale has been moved to Redcliffe. I cannot stand its bellowing. I should squish it like a pigeon."

With a burst of laughter, they hurried up the hall in the direction of the bedrooms, clearly wanting to distance themselves from Oghren and his anger. They separated when the hallways forked, bidding each other goodnight, and retired for the evening. Tomorrow would begin the road to the end of their journey, and they knew they would need every moment of sleep they could get.


	31. The Loop in Your Hole

_Below I have included my little tribute to Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It's something that came up one night as my husband and I were going to bed. We'd bantered back and forth how to use some of the Monty Python stuff in the game, and he'd suggested this. Hope you enjoy it! [think Holy Grail!]_

_As always, many, many thanks to Erynnar and her wonderful ideas and suggestions and encouragement and …! She is an awesome beta and an even better person for putting up with the likes of me, particularly in live chats! Thanks as always, Sweetie!_

_Bioware owns it all. I'm just rearranging it a bit to more my liking._

_

* * *

_

When the party consisting of king and companions arrived at Redcliffe, they discovered, much to their dismay, that the darkspawn had already begun their attack. Fighting their way forward they finally made it to the castle and inside. Eamon and Teagan were in the hall, and Shastaryn and Alistair joined them. Her friends she allowed to wander off to rest after their long journey. It was a short time after that Riordan arrived, and the news he brought was not good.

"I got close enough to 'listen in' as it were," he told them, giving a knowing look to Alistair and Shastaryn. When they nodded that they understood, he added, "The horde is headed towards Denerim, not Redcliffe. And, worse than that, the archdemon has shown itself and is leading the horde."

Shastaryn's gaze locked onto Alistair's. _All those people …._

Alistair glanced at Eamon and Teagan. "Is our army complete? Have our allies arrived?"

Teagan nodded. "The last of them arrived yesterday."

Sighing, Alistair announced, "We shall leave for Denerim in the morning. A forced march. Even then we may not arrive in time, but we must try."

Riordan nodded. "I agree. And we shall lead them into the city," he added. Offering Alistair a salute due to his new title as king, Riordan asked, "If you will forgive me, I have much to organize before the morning."

Alistair nodded. "We shall see you then."

"If you would, Your Majesty," Riordan insisted, "we have Warden business to discuss when you have a moment." His gaze fell on Shastaryn and he gave her a smile. "And you, too, sister."

Shastaryn nodded but said nothing as the man left. She followed Riordan's departure and then turned back to the conversation at hand. Alistair was winding up his instructions to Eamon and Teagan and soon turned towards her. "Shall we gather our friends and inform them of the good news?" he asked sarcastically.

Shastaryn chuckled. She could imagine their reactions to having to march all the way back to Denerim. While they waited for the companions to gather, Shastaryn spread out on the table was a map of Ferelden and asked Alistair, "Does the Arl have any messenger birds?"

Alistair blinked. "I – I don't really know," he admitted. "Why? What are you thinking?"

Shastaryn's gaze looked pained. "I would like to get messages to Sergeant Kylon and Cyril … see if we might not be able to get the city evacuated. So many people …."

Alistair sighed heavily in understanding and pulled her close for a quick hug. "Write up your messages. I'll go ask Eamon if he has any. I'm sure he must …."

By the time Shastaryn had her messages completed, Alistair was returning to the hall, a servant behind him. "Donald, here, is in charge of the messenger birds. He will see that they get sent."

Shastaryn handed the young man her notes. "As soon as possible, yes?"

He smiled at her. "At once, my lady!" the lad promised and ran off without another word. Alistair settled an arm across her shoulder. "Feel better now?"

She nodded. "I hope they get the message in time…."

A short time later, her companions now all present, she began her briefing. "I am afraid I must ask just a bit more of you, my friends," she announced wearily. Taking a look at each individual, she explained what she and Alistair had just been told. Pointing to the map, she said, "We are here, obviously, Denerim is here, and the horde," she added, placing a stone she'd found on the floor, "is here. Any questions?"

Leliana glanced over Shastaryn's shoulder. "So, Denerim then."

Shastaryn and Alistair both nodded. "Denerim," they chorused in agreement.

Zevran frowned. "Denerim? How rude of the archdemon when he was expected here!"

Morrigan in her usual impatient and snarky manner burst out, "'Tis only a map!"

The remaining companions turned on her, and chorused at her, "Shhhhh!"

Shale, in the totally disinterested and detached sort of way that only she could be upon occasion, added her two cents worth to the conversation with, "Denerim? Why would the archdemon go to Denerim? It is such a silly place!"

After a bit more discussion regarding their plans for the morrow, Shastaryn wished them good night and turned towards Alistair. He glanced down and said in a quiet voice, "I suppose we had better go and see what this 'Warden business' is that Riordan mentioned."

Shastaryn nodded and followed at Alistair's side, strangely quiet. She sensed his concern, but she put his mind at ease before they entered Riordan's room by murmuring, "It's nothing. I'm just tired."

* * *

Shastaryn left Riordin's room in a daze. For a brief moment as she traveled the short distance to her room, she allowed her thoughts to drift back to what Riordan had told her and Alistair. _Only a Grey Warden can kill the archdemon… and in the process the Warden dies too. It is the price we pay to keep the world safe from the darkspawn …._ What she would give for a little quiet in order to think on what she'd been told.

But the peace and solitude she had hoped for had been for naught. Upon arrival, she'd been confronted by Morrigan claiming to know the same things about the Grey Wardens that Riordan had just told her and Alistair. But beyond that, the witch claimed to know a way to keep any of the Grey Wardens from dying. Feeling a bit put off by Morrigan's abrasive manner, Shastaryn reluctantly agreed to listen to her proposal.

But now, Shastaryn could only stare at Morrigan, a look of complete disbelief crossing her features. Morrigan had been with her and Alistair from the beginning. Along the way, Shastaryn had thought they were becoming friends. Morrigan had even referred to her as "sister" a few times. But what she was asking now ….

"What I offer you is safety … security," Morrigan told her.

Suddenly, Shastaryn felt something within her beginning to snap. She bit her lip, hard enough to draw blood, just to keep from saying something that she would inevitably regret later. Instead, she replied, "Morrigan, what you offer is unacceptable for a number of reasons."

Morrigan's eyebrow rose a fraction of an inch. "Really? Remaining alive, securing the life of that fool Templar … these things are _unacceptable_ to you?"

"Forcing Alistair into a position that he never wanted to be in is unacceptable," Shastaryn clarified. "You know full and well he is the bastard son of a king. You have seen firsthand what this did to him, how he is still healing after all of these years!"

Morrigan prowled about the room but remained well out of the elf's reach. "'Forcing him to be what he never wanted to be?'" she echoed, her voice clearly mocking. "And, what do you call making him king? Hmm? From all of the noises and comments he has made since we started this adventure, do you not think you have done the same to him?"

"Alistair is ready to be king," Shastaryn announced, her voice strong and firm with conviction. "We discussed it – at length, I might add. I was prepared to support Anora and I told him as much, but he told me he would do it." Shastaryn's gaze locked onto Morrigan's. "That he _wanted_ to do it."

"And you would pass up the chance to ensure the survival of you both simply to avoid having a bastard child?"

Shastaryn's eyes closed as sudden realization of what she must do washed over her. "The soul of the archdemon is drawn to the taint, correct?" She opened her green depths in time to view the witch's nod. "And, if the taint were in an unborn child … the archdemon would be drawn to it over that of an adult? That is what you are telling me, yes?"

Shastaryn saw the moment that Morrigan made the connection. Her skin paled and, for just a brief moment, no longer than a blink of an eye, she thought Morrigan might faint. "You-you are pregnant?" she choked out.

Shastaryn nodded solemnly. "I am sorry, Morrigan, but I will not allow your ritual when there is no need." She took a deep breath and murmured, "Have you never heard the Warden's Oath? _In Peace, Vigilance. In War, Victory. In Death, Sacrifice._"

Slowly, silently, Morrigan approached. When she drew near, Shastaryn looked up into the familiar yellow gaze and saw … tears? Then Morrigan blinked and they were gone. "I will leave this evening," she announced matter of factly, "never to trouble either of you again."

As Morrigan passed by, Shastaryn asked, "You would not be with us at the end?"

With a snort of derision, Morrigan snapped, "And why should I? My mother more than paid you for your troubles by saving you and your idiot Templar at Ostagar!"

"And then you asked me to dispose of your mother for you." Shastaryn turned to face the woman for one final battle of wits and wills. "You do not leave now because I will not have Alistair perform your ritual," she spat, anger and frustration oozing with every word. "You leave because, like a spoiled child, you aren't getting your way!"

Arms crossed over her breasts, Shastaryn narrowed the distance between them. "I would think that finding both of Flemeth's grimoires as well as killing her for you would be enough to pay you back for our rescue and then some!"

Morrigan tried to speak, but was cut off by Shastaryn's ire. "Go ahead and run, Morrigan, but you may want this word of warning before you do: your selfish, spoiled attitude will only lead you to a life similar to Flemeth's, and will one day end with _your_ daughter wanting _you_ dead." With that, Shastaryn walked past the other woman and left the room, banging the door closed behind her. As she stormed along the hallway, she briefly thought, _I'm really going to have to have a long discussion with Wynne about these mood swings!_

_

* * *

_

Alistair was not surprised when the door burst open with a loud crash. He was seated on the edge of the bed, having exchanged his armor for a forest green tunic with gold edgings and a pair of dark trousers. At first he said nothing as Shastaryn entered the room. After the door closed behind her, he asked, "I assume your meeting with Morrigan didn't go well?" He saw her questioning look and added, "I saw her entering your room as I left Riordan."

A look of understanding settled on Shastaryn's features and she nodded.

Alistair gestured her forward and began working the buckles on her armor. "Want to talk about it?" he asked in a soothing voice.

Sighing, she allowed him to remove her dragonscale armor that Wade had made for her. "Not right now," she replied. "It's still … too raw."

Alistair nodded in understanding as he lifted the breastplate from her. "What can I do to help then?" he asked.

Shastaryn leaned against him, feeling the sculpted muscles beneath, enjoying the warmth that was soaking into her from his body. "Just … hold me," she whispered, for once in this long journey allowing herself to feel vulnerable.

Alistair lifted her onto the bed, pulling her small frame alongside his much larger one. "All night long," he promised her.

* * *

_**A/N:**__ For those who have also been following Cyril's adventures in __**The**__**Barkeep Diaries**__, this is the point of the story where his chapter "Run To the Hills" falls in._


	32. In Victory, Sacrifice

_And so here we are at long last – the Battle of Denerim. _

_Many, many thanks to you all for reading, reviewing, favoriting, etc.! I appreciate it more than I can ever express!_

_Huge hugs to Erynnar for being my content beta and for assisting with dialogue for characters I have trouble with! As you mentioned before, you rock my socks! =D_

_[Also a little tribute to Raiders of the Last Ark! Can you find it?]_

_Remember, Bioware is the king and we just get to play!_

_

* * *

_

Shastaryn nodded as Alistair approached her after speaking to their gathered army. They had arrived at Denerim at long last. In just a matter of moments they would begin the final battle. "Ready?" he asked her. Again she nodded. Then, unexpectedly, she reached out and grasped his arm, tightly. She waited until he looked at her before speaking. "Alistair, do you trust me?"

Alistair was stunned. She hadn't questioned him about this for many months now. His hand rising to cup her cheek, he said, "You know that I do … with my life."

_Good_. "Then promise me something, please?" He nodded. "There may come a time during this battle when I ask you to do something you won't agree with. I need your absolute and complete trust that I am making the right decisions or we will not survive this night."

Alistair felt chills run down his spine. "What -?" he began, but when he saw the intense look in her eye, he stopped. "I promise," he told her without further comment.

Taking a deep breath and drawing her weapons, she nodded towards the city gates. "Shall we?"

He nodded and their gazes locked. "For Ferelden and the Grey Wardens!" they chorused loudly and led their united army into the final battle.

* * *

Shastaryn's voice was low but firm. "Wynne, Sten, and Zevran," she announced. "The rest will remain to defend the gates under the leadership of Alistair."

She knew he would seek her out, knew that he would feel as he did at Ostagar when they had been assigned to the Tower of Ishal. She sensed his approach and mentally prepared herself. "Alistair -" Her breath caught as she tried to speak the lie. "I need you to defend the gates. If, and that is only _if_, I do not succeed, you will lead the last line of attack against the archdemon."

He nodded. "How will I know –"

She looked up into his eyes, allowing him to see almost everything. _You will know, my love._

The king, dressed in the golden armor his brother had worn at Ostagar, simply leaned down and kissed her fiercely before whispering, "No matter how much it will hurt to not be with you at the end after everything we have been through, I do trust you, Shastaryn Tabris. _I trust you with both our lives!_"

Shastaryn's tears ran free as she dropped her weapons and framed his face with her hands. "I will explain everything," she told him fiercely, "after the battle." Then, kissing him full on the lips she breathed, "I love you, my king!" before reaching for her weapons and started walking away from him.

Shastaryn met up with the rest of her team and was about to lead them on into the city when she saw Leliana approaching. "Just a moment," she murmured to Wynne.

Turning, she pulled Leliana off to the side. "I need a favor, Leli."

Leliana was so surprised at Shastaryn's use of her nickname, she could only nod and reply, "Of course! How can I help?"

"If-If the worst should happen, and I die up there …" Shastaryn struggled to maintain an even tone. "Watch out for him, Okay? Don't let him do anything … foolish."

Leliana gave the elf a hug. "I promise!" she replied. "But I know you will be back," she added with her usual brightness. "Yes?"

Shastaryn smiled, clinging to her friend's optimism while surrounded by despair. "That's the plan," she agreed.

Leliana smiled back. "That is good then for I will be extremely cross if you do not come back!"

And so it was with a smile and a laugh that Shastaryn left her companions to seek out the archdemon and engage it in one final duel.

* * *

They fought their way through the Market District, discovering to their horror the absolute destruction that lay in the darkspawn's wake. Entire rows of buildings torn down, others on fire, rubble everywhere. And ogres …. _Why did it have to be ogres?_ Shastaryn thought as they killed their fifth, then sixth one. _Maker's breath, will they ever stop? _

Finally they reached the general and dispatched him. Shastaryn glanced around trying to find her bearings…. She located the Gnawed Noble Tavern, briefly prayed that Cyril and his people had all managed to escape, before turning to make her way to the Alienage and the inevitable death and destruction she would find there ….

* * *

It was almost uninhabited as Shastaryn led her companions down the path into the Alienage. Unlike her previous visit, the place seemed empty, almost … dead. Frowning, she followed the trail into the center of the Alienage … and found ….

"Shianni -!"

Shianni turned towards her cousin. "Am I ever glad to see you, cousin! We are under attack and there is a large group of darkspawn approaching. The gates will not hold! Can you and your friends help us?" Shianni pleaded. She gestured towards the back gate of the alienage.

Shastaryn gave her cousin a long hard look. "I will need your assistance," she said.

Shianni nodded, now looking at each of the companions her cousin had brought with her. If her eyes lingered on the blond elf, Shastaryn was too busy organizing a defense to notice. "We will stand with you, Shasta. Tell us what to do and we will fight with you as best we can."

Shastaryn nodded, her plan now set in her mind. "Defend the gate, Shi. Keep them from getting through. We will attack from the outside and keep as many from entering as possible."

The words has barely left the Warden's lips when the rumbling roar of an ogre could be heard, followed by the nervous twittering of the alienage elves standing upon the ramparts with their bows aimed at the intruders. Glancing at her companions, Shastaryn nodded. "Right. Let's get this done with."

The battle ensued and Shastaryn's focus became the darkspawn. She could not afford a second thought for her cousin and her former neighbors save a quick prayer to the Maker to keep them safe. As it was, she and her companions encountered some difficulty with this particular group. However, through persistence and skill, they managed to defeat the general, thus clearing a way towards Fort Drakon.

But, before departing, Shastaryn took a few moments to speak to her cousin for what might be the last time. When she approached, Shianni let out a giggle as if they were kids again and just beat the boys in a game of tag. "We did it!" she exclaimed before throwing her arms around her cousin in a hug.

Shastaryn smiled, wishing she could remain. But Shianni sensed this and pulled back, saying, "Go on, cousin. Later, after this is all over and done with, we will trade stories and get drunk together!" She glanced at Shastaryn's friends and companions, smiling warmly at them, before pushing her cousin towards the gate. "Go! You have an archdemon to slay and I have an alienage to protect."

Shastaryn gave her cousin a hug before turning to leave. "I love you, cousin!"

* * *

They fought their way through the courtyard of Fort Drakon, though it wasn't easy. In such a confined space and the sheer numbers of darkspawn attacking them it was a miracle Shastaryn thought afterwards that they survived. But they did, thanks to the help from their mage allies.

Now they fought their way through the prison itself. As they defeated yet another emissary, Shastaryn began to think that if she never saw a mage again after this, it would be too soon …. Then she glanced over at Wynne and added silently, _Well, present company excluded._ She was surprised at how well Wynne was holding up under the circumstances. The mage was casting all kinds of healing and protection spells with offensive ones, particularly stone fist and earthquake, in between. Wynne chose that moment to glance over at her leader, and in true Wynne fashion, gave her an impish grin. Shastaryn chuckled. _I will miss this when it is over._

They decided to cut through the storage room to the next floor and then, finally, the roof. Sten practically tore the door to the storage area off its hinges, allowing Shastaryn and Zevran to surge forward with Sten following close behind. Wynne followed along at a distance. They entered the store room …

… to find dozens of dead darkspawn bodies lying around them, some in piles of three or more, blood and gore stains everywhere. "Maker's breath!" Shastaryn breathed, looking around. "Who -?" She heard Zev's startled gasp coming from her right, and turned to find ….

"Sandal!"

Bodahn's son stared up at the group, covered in darkspawn blood but appearing none the worse for wear. "Sandal," Shastaryn asked calmly, "did you do all this?"

"Enchantment!"

Shastaryn heard Zevran chuckle and elbowed him in the ribs to quiet him. She glanced at Wynne who gave her a nod of encouragement. "Sandal, is your father here?"

"Enchantment!" he repeated.

Shastaryn sighed. This was rapidly going nowhere. "Do you have any of your father's goods for trade, Sandal?"

"ENCHANTMENT!"

"Right." Shastaryn turned to the others. "Trade for what you need because this may be our last shot at this." Turning she stepped to the side. A few moments later, Wynne joined her while Zevran and Sten continued to trade with the young dwarf.

Wynne stepped to Shastaryn's side and asked, "Are you all right?"

Shastaryn gasped, knowing to what the mage referred. "Wynne, I can't –"

Wynne turned the elf to face her. "I know you Grey Wardens have a high price to pay for being such," she murmured softly so that only Shastaryn could hear.

Shastaryn couldn't stop the sob that caught her off guard. She quickly recovered, but hurried on to explain to Wynne what Morrigan had told her. "I-I couldn't do it, Wynne," she sobbed, looking up at the mage as if looking for … approval? Forgiveness? "N-now I'm sacrificing –"

"No, child," Wynne reassured her gently, "you are making the only decision you could make. I don't know if what you are planning will work the way you think it will, but either way I think in the long run you will be satisfied." She pulled the younger woman close for a hug. "I may not have always agreed with every decision you have made on this journey, but I do believe that you have done the absolute best that you can do. You now see the way forward. Do not waver, do not falter."

Shastaryn nodded, drying her eyes as Zevran and Sten finally joined them. "Right," she told them. "Let's go."

* * *

"Wynne!" Shastaryn called, waving the mage to her side. She could see the archdemon was almost dead, its enormous body lumbering as it continued to fight. Its right wing useless for flight due to injury, the creature was going nowhere. "Load me up!" she ordered. Wynne began casting her health and regeneration spells, her protective wards. When she was through, Shastaryn gave her a hard look. "Remember what I told you?"

Wynne nodded. "Yes, child. Maker's breath, I hope you are right about this!"

Shastaryn actually grinned at the mage and gave her a wink before lifting her sword. "Have I led you astray yet?" she asked in the seconds before running off in the direction of the archdemon.

"There's always a first time for everything!" the mage muttered before turning back to her spells.

* * *

_**A/N:**__ For those who have also been following Cyril's adventures in __**The**__**Barkeep Diaries**__, this is the point of the story where his chapter "Rebuilding" falls in._


	33. To Live Again

_ Bioware owns it all – I'm just messing it up a little bit!_

_ As always, thanks to Erynnar for being my beta, batting ideas (and goblins!) around and for being there to chat … and inspire me! The gift of your friendship is truly a blessing! [and thanks for knocking me upside the head until I figured out which paragraph order you meant! doh!] _

_ The song that I imagine Alistair singing to Shastaryn as she lies unconscious is a song by October Project called "Return to Me." This is a song I've been listening to ever since their debut album came out and it came up on my mp3 player while I was writing this chapter. It fit so well with what I had going that I wanted to include the words. _

_you rise like a wave in the ocean_

_and you fall gently back to the sea_

_now I want to know how to hold you_

_return to me, return to me_

_you shine like the moon over water_

_and you darken the sky when you leave_

_now I want to know how to keep you_

_return to me, return to me_

_return to me, return to me_

_everything I tell you has been spoken_

_and everything I say was said before_

_but everything I feel is for the first time_

_and everything I feel I feel for you_

_I am here calling the wind_

_I am here calling your name_

_I am here calling you back_

_return to me, return to me_

_I know what it means to be lonely_

_and I know what it means to be free_

_now I want to know how to love you_

_return to me, return to me_

_I am here calling the wind_

_I am here calling your name_

_I am here calling you back_

_return to me, return to me_

Alistair shuddered at the memory of what had happened after the archdemon had been slain, and he sincerely hoped that it would fade with time. He, Leliana and Oghren had been sorting through the troops that had remained at the gates, taking stock and sorting those who were injured from those who had been killed. At one point, he had heard a sharp bark from Rafion and turned his attention to the hound, thinking perhaps he had been injured.

Before he could move, the animal had jumped to Alistair's side, nudging his hand sharply, insistently. Alistair did turn then … and had felt his heart nearly break at the sight of his companions return: Sten carrying Shastaryn's motionless, broken and bloodied form, Zev assisting an exhausted Wynne, and Wynne casting healing spells as quickly as she could over Shastaryn. Leliana and Oghren had thrown up a tent immediately so that Shastaryn would have privacy while being tended.

It was yet another evening and Alistair entered the room as quietly as he could. He found Wynne and Petra, Wynne's former apprentice from the Tower and also a healing mage, sitting nearby speaking quietly to each other.

Wynne heard the door open and rose to her feet. "Still no change, I'm afraid," she told Alistair as he neared. She could see his pain, and almost feel it as a tangible presence, yet there was no magic she could perform that would take it away or give him peace of mind.

Alistair nodded as he passed her, reaching out to squeeze her arm gently. This had been their routine for the past five days and nights since the defeat of the archdemon. During the day, Alistair would take on his duties as king, learning from Anora the job and responsibilities that went along with it. During that time, one or more of the companions would sit with Wynne and/or Petra in the hopes that Shastaryn would wake.

In the evenings, however, Alistair would come and lay down beside his love, holding her close and taking what rest he could find while praying that Shastaryn would soon return to him.

* * *

_Hazy. Blurry. Foggy…. Numb? _No_, she thought, _not quite that_. Since her adventure in the Mages' Tower, Shastaryn recognized her visits to the Fade. Unlike her visit thanks to the sloth Demon, this one felt … peaceful. She looked around, recognizing her parents' home as it had been when she was a child. Toys in the corner, a fire in the hearth. A woman at the table singing softly to herself…. _Adaia!_ "Mamae?" Shastaryn whispered, drawing ever closer to the figure at the table._

_Adaia Tabris, whose long red tresses and emerald gaze mirrored her daughter's, smiled warmly in greeting. Rising to her feet and walking around the table, she drew the younger woman closer. "Da'len!" she murmured as she pulled her flesh and blood close for a hug. "You cannot stay long. You know that?"_

_Shastaryn looked horrified. "Wh-why?" she asked. "After all I have done, am I not even allowed to spend eternity with my own mother?"_

_Adaia cupped her daughter's cheeks with her hands. "You are not finished yet, my girl," she told her quietly. "You have a great many more things to accomplish in your lifetime. This," she added, gesturing to her surroundings, "is simply a weigh stop."_

_Shastaryn did a double take. "I-I'm not dead?"_

_Adaia shook her head. "No, my beautiful girl, you are most definitely not dead!"_

_The Grey Warden frowned. "They why am I –" She gasped and began searching the room, but found nothing. Turning back towards Adaia, her eyes huge with a mixture of both hope and fear she asked, "Did – did it work?"_

_Adaia looked at her daughter closely, examining the body language, hearing the pent up emotions found there. Taking her daughter's hands, leading her to a nearby bench, they sat. "The archdemon was destroyed," Adaia told her gently._

_Shastaryn looked into her mother's gaze. "And … the child?"_

_Adaia nodded sadly. "And the child," she agreed. "Your body remains in the real world, healing, awaiting your return."_

_Shastaryn frowned. "How badly was I injured?"_

_Adaia shrugged. "You had normal battle injuries," she explained. "Perhaps some more serious as you were tossed about quite a bit by the archdemon at the end of your encounter. Your healers will be able to tell you more in that regard. But, you must remember," she added, "any time a woman loses a child, the body will bleed …."_

_Shastaryn nodded. That was expected. "Am I dying then? Will I return to my body in time only to leave it once more … permanently?"_

"_No, my darling, you are _healing_," Adaia assured her. She examined Shastaryn closely, discriminately. "You made the choices you had to make, da'len. Do not think for one moment that there was another way."_

_Shastaryn felt the sobs begin at her mother's words. Even after six years apart, more than that now, Adaia could still read her so well. "I- Mamae, I sacrificed my own child!"_

_Adaia pulled her close, holding her, rocking her in mutual grief and despair. "Ah, my darling, you are experiencing at a young age what it is to be a mother," she murmured. "Whether you believe it now or not, you need to understand that as with all things in life, there is a duty. Your duty at this point in time was to protect those who could not protect themselves. The child, well, he –"_

_Shastaryn's body froze. "HE?" she breathed in astonishment._

_Adaia rested her chin upon Shastaryn's head. "It was too early to tell, my love," she murmured. "The point is that the child, it would have been destroyed one way or another: either alone as a sacrifice to save both of his parents, or with you in your own destruction as you defeated the archdemon. You had no choice in the matter. Believe me when I tell you that there was no way in which you child would have survived this!"_

_Shastaryn shook her head, pulling back from her mother. "No! There was a choice! I could have asked Alistair to … to go through with Morrigan's ritual … with …."_

_Adaia now shook her head, grasping her daughter's chin in her hand and holding it firm, forcing the younger woman to look at her. "No!" she insisted. "Whether your man went through with the ritual or not, your child would still have been destroyed. The fact that you chose to pass on the ritual simply eliminated future complications from that field."_

_Shastaryn rose to her feet, wandering aimlessly around the room that looked like her parents' home so many years before. She wiped at the tears rolling down her face, grieving. "Mamae," she finally choked out in a hoarse whisper of despair, "I-I killed my own child!"_

_Adaia was at her side in an instant, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to comfort her. "No, Shasta," she repeated, using the favorited nickname, "you did not. You made the choice that had to be made." She turned Shastaryn to face her, tilting her face so that Adaia could look into the features that mirrored her own. "I promise, da'len, you will have other children! And they will be beautiful, whole and … free."_

_ Shastaryn finally allowed her guilt and grief release, sighing and hugging her mother close, desperately hoping that she was right. "Wh-what do you mean, free?"_

_ Adaia squeezed her daughter again. "Da'len, the child you grieve for did more than simply assist in the destruction of the archdemon." She watched as Shastaryn's eyes found hers, the younger woman's confusion very evident. Smiling widely, she murmured, "His sacrifice also cleared your blood of the taint that made you a Grey Warden."_

_ Shastaryn's gasp echoed throughout the Fade. "What? How? I didn't think that was possible …." But then, two Warden's getting pregnant wasn't supposed to be possible either._

_ Adaia patiently explained. "As I understand it, and I am by no means an expert," she saw a flash of a smile at her daughter's lips with that comment, "the archdemon was drawn to the taint in your child. Keeping in mind that you and your child from the moment of his conception had been sharing the same blood, when the soul of the archdemon was absorbed by the child and destroyed, it destroyed the taint within both you and the child. Your taint has now been cleansed …."_

_ Shastaryn could only stare at her mother, a look of both hope and horror crossing her features. "I-I am no longer a … Warden?" she asked softly._

_ Adaia chuckled. "I did not say that, da'len. Yes, the taint is a part of what makes you a Warden. However, your talent as a fighter has, by now, earned you more of a reputation I think. And," she added teasingly, "there you are not the only Warden to have lost the taint yet remain with the Order." Standing straighter and releasing her hold on the girl, Adaia told her, "The decision to stay or go will be up to you. Just know that it is a choice now. You will not have to face a Calling any longer."_

_No Calling! she thought. She shook her head in wonder and amazement. But_, what about …. No. Now is not the time_. Then, in an effort to change the topic, she asked almost fearfully, "Mamae, when must I go back?"_

_Adaia smiled, running her hands over her daughter's face, memorizing every detail of the lovely woman she had grown into. "Soon, da'len. You must go back to those who love you, those whom you love." Adaia gave her a look filled with love. "Our time will come. The day you pass, a very, very long time from now, I shall be waiting for you and we shall be together once more. Until such time, you have many great things to achieve. And, I know that you will do them with the dignity and honor that I have seen in you thus far."_

_Shastaryn nodded, knowing that her mother was right but wishing for enough time to satisfy a thirst she hadn't realized was in her heart, her soul. But then she also realized that no amount of time spent in the Fade with her mother would ever satisfy that thirst. Taking a deep breath, Shastaryn nodded again, knowing that the time had come. "I am ready," she told her mother with one last long look …._

_

* * *

_

Shastaryn felt herself floating, drifting, wandering aimlessly. She felt no pain nor pressure, had no cares in the world at that moment. Then, out of nothing, she felt a gentle tug, heard a soft plea, a familiar voice, _a song that had once been sung by a campfire while surrounded by friends_ ….

Alistair was startled into silence when Shastaryn's eyes suddenly popped open as he was singing Leliana's song softly to her. "Wynne!" he called over his shoulder.

Shastaryn was having difficulties focusing her eyes, but she recognized Alistair's face hovering over hers, saw Wynne's appear on her other side. Struggling past the dryness in her throat and mouth she managed to choke out, "H-How … long?"

"Five days and nights," Alistair murmured against her hand that he was covering with kisses in relief. "Five damnably long days and nights!"

Shastaryn looked up into the mage's gaze. "Wynne?"

Wynne leaned a bit forward, mostly in relief. "Your plan worked and you are alive," she assured the young woman. Shastaryn's eyes darted to Alistair who nodded, indicating that he knew what had happened. "And you are healing well, child. You should be able to have children again in time." This last was an echo to what Adaia had promised.

Shastaryn felt tears rolling down her cheeks, but it took a few long moments for her to realize they were _her_ tears. However, she couldn't work up enough energy to swipe them away. Unconsciously, her head rolled towards Alistair, to really look at him, his reaction to what she had done, now that it seemed that it was out in the open. "Alistair …."

Giving her a smile filled with love and sadness … and hope, Alistair placed his finger over her lips. "Hush, my love," he told her. "Wynne has explained … everything to me." He swallowed hard before continuing. Her hand still in his, he idly began caressing it as he spoke. "I … I do not know how or why this happened," he told her, "but I do understand the decision you made, your reasons behind your choice." He closed his eyes tightly for a long moment, but could not keep the tears at bay.

"Alistair," she breathed, managing to bring her other hand over to touch his. "It was him or the both of us," she murmured. "I could lose our son, or we both could have died. There was no other option." _Later I will explain Morrigan._

Alistair heard her words and reacted in much the same manner as she had to her mother. "A … son?"

Allowing her tears to fall freely, she felt his hand tighten on hers. "Alistair," she gasped, allowing her grief to assuage itself with the telling, "I am so sorry! I …" she watched as he leaned forward, kissing her forehead, "I …. Oh, Maker! I don't know how to say any of this!"

Alistair had noticed Wynne fade into the background, had vaguely heard her herding Petra out of the room with her so that he and Shastaryn were alone. Moving to lie beside Shastaryn on the bed, he pulled her into his arms and held her close, her back to his chest and his lips near her ears so that he could speak softly to her. "My love, you don't need to say anything. I will admit to being … shocked when Wynne told me," he murmured, "and she made sure that I knew your reasons for what you chose to do…. _All_ of your reasons." He nuzzled her hair, kissed her cheek, gently squeezed her to offer his support, share in her grief. "I think at first I was angrier at myself for not having realized you were pregnant in the first place!"

Shastaryn sobbed in his arms, allowing him to shelter her as she finally let out all of the stress that had been building since she'd discovered her condition. She felt Alistair's hands stroking her hair, smoothing loose strands away from her face. She cried for her child, the tiny little life that had depended upon her and yet, in the end he saved both his parents' lives.

Alistair simply held her, allowing her grief to run its course. As she began to calm, he thought about reminding her that they could try again. But, in the end, he kept that to himself. There would be time for that later. Instead, he began telling her about their companions, about what had occurred after she had departed the city gates. He described to her how Sten carried her down from the top of Fort Drakon, of Zev assisting Wynne while she cast her healing spells over Shastaryn. He explained how Leliana and Oghren struggled with to put up a tent to protect her as Wynne continued offering up her spells. And he allowed her insight into his reaction upon seeing the woman that he loved more than anyone or anything in the world being brought back to him near death.

Slowly, carefully, Shastaryn turned within his arms until she could look up at his face. With his assistance she managed to lift a hand to his face, to feel the warmth of his skin beneath the calluses on her hand. "We did it," he told her. "_You_ did it. You defeated the archdemon!" He leaned forward to kiss her cheek. "And you lived to tell the tale."

Shastaryn could only nod slightly as a wave of utter exhaustion began to wash over her. She had so many things she wanted to tell him: seeing her mother in the fade, the fact that her taint was gone, just how much she truly loved him and wanted to be with him ….

Alistair simply watched as she drifted off into a deep, _healing_ sleep. So many things he wanted to tell her, to share with her, but he knew that they would keep. Thanks to her, he, she and all of the rest of Ferelden had the time to recover, rebuild and to live again.

_Finis_

_

* * *

_

_**A/N:**__ For those who have also been following Cyril's adventures in __**The**__**Barkeep Diaries**__, this is the point of the story where his chapter "Reunion" falls in._

_

* * *

_

_And so we come to the end of our journey in __**Do You Trust Me?**__ I wish to extend my thanks to all of you for joining me in the ride that has been Shastaryn's origin story. I've enjoyed having you along as much as I have had in writing it! If you truly enjoyed the story, watch out for Shastaryn's return in her follow-up story (non-Amaranthine related) called: __**The Best Proof of Love is Trust**__. Come on over and join me!_


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